need ur opinions on this half done poem^^ | First Page | Forum

Gaia Forums » MISC Forums » Forum & Sticky Archive » Original Poetry/Lyrics

Report ad

XxShiroTheNekoxX

(?)Community Member

Friendly Noob

9,050 Points

Offline

Post: 96056201_1 created on Mon, 23 Feb 2015 20:48:05 +0000
Posted: Mon, 23 Feb 2015 20:48:05 +0000

i made this poem describing my past emotions, it isnt titled yet, i want u guys to give me ur honest opinions on it and think of a title for it;3 :

Your life is like the night As dark as being blind

Each day you go through Filled with sorrow and bind

Sometimes you feel like ending your life Just like the Falling stars

No one is there to support you No one is there to watch over you

You're all alone in the darkness Alone without anyone besides you

You try to cling to hope But it just fades away

XxShiroTheNekoxX

(?)Community Member

Friendly Noob

9,050 Points

Offline

Report Post
Post: 96056201_2 created on Mon, 23 Feb 2015 20:53:25 +0000
Posted: Mon, 23 Feb 2015 20:53:25 +0000

bump

EvilLord Raven 223

(?)Community Member

xXMoge-koXx's Husband

Fused Prophet

7,150 Points

Offline

Report Post
Post: 96056201_3 created on Mon, 23 Feb 2015 21:02:01 +0000
Posted: Mon, 23 Feb 2015 21:02:01 +0000

it sounds good

XxShiroTheNekoxX

(?)Community Member

Friendly Noob

9,050 Points

Offline

Report Post
Post: 96056201_4 created on Mon, 23 Feb 2015 21:06:19 +0000
Posted: Mon, 23 Feb 2015 21:06:19 +0000

EvilPrince Raven 223

it sounds good

thank u for ur honest opinion^^

XxShiroTheNekoxX

(?)Community Member

Friendly Noob

9,050 Points

Offline

Report Post
Post: 96056201_5 created on Mon, 23 Feb 2015 21:15:03 +0000
Posted: Mon, 23 Feb 2015 21:15:03 +0000

bumps

EvilLord Raven 223

(?)Community Member

xXMoge-koXx's Husband

Fused Prophet

7,150 Points

Offline

Report Post
Post: 96056201_6 created on Mon, 23 Feb 2015 21:20:43 +0000
Posted: Mon, 23 Feb 2015 21:20:43 +0000

your welcome ^^

Cutesy Shoujo-chan

(?)Community Member

Dedicated Lunatic

11,675 Points

Offline

Report Post
Post: 96056201_7 created on Mon, 23 Feb 2015 21:29:14 +0000
Posted: Mon, 23 Feb 2015 21:29:14 +0000

momma it's amazing biggrin . you're so good.

XxShiroTheNekoxX

(?)Community Member

Friendly Noob

9,050 Points

Offline

Report Post
Post: 96056201_8 created on Mon, 23 Feb 2015 21:44:16 +0000
Posted: Mon, 23 Feb 2015 21:44:16 +0000

xXYamiNoHanaxX

momma it's amazing biggrin . you're so good.

thank u so much daughter~ =3

XxShiroTheNekoxX

(?)Community Member

Friendly Noob

9,050 Points

Offline

Report Post
Post: 96056201_9 created on Mon, 23 Feb 2015 21:58:51 +0000
Posted: Mon, 23 Feb 2015 21:58:51 +0000

bummps

CHICBRO

(?)Community Member

Shirtless Cottontail

8,600 Points

Offline

Report Post
Post: 96056201_10 created on Mon, 23 Feb 2015 23:38:50 +0000
Posted: Mon, 23 Feb 2015 23:38:50 +0000

It is very good, I would suggest that you try to be more descriptive but I love it either way.

Rocklazy

(?)Community Member

Greedy Trash

Offline

Report Post
Post: 96056201_11 created on Tue, 24 Feb 2015 03:42:36 +0000
Posted: Tue, 24 Feb 2015 03:42:36 +0000

I really like the poem so far!

XxShiroTheNekoxX

(?)Community Member

Friendly Noob

9,050 Points

Offline

Report Post
Post: 96056201_12 created on Tue, 24 Feb 2015 08:05:48 +0000
Posted: Tue, 24 Feb 2015 08:05:48 +0000

thankies everyone~~^w^, i just started writing poems, so i will try my best at future ones~;3

Moire nan Aingeal

(?)Community Member

MikeCzech's Wife

Offline

Report Post
Post: 96056201_13 created on Tue, 24 Feb 2015 16:19:48 +0000
Posted: Tue, 24 Feb 2015 16:19:48 +0000

It sounds good so far the first line was brilliant, a beautifully unique description of darkness however the last part of the second sentence seems tacked on as if you were trying to force a rhyme. also as a personal preference I prefer that two correlating sentences not end with the same word but its not necessarily a bad thing. Over all I think its good and has wonderful potential, keep writing.

XxShiroTheNekoxX

(?)Community Member

Friendly Noob

9,050 Points

Offline

Report Post
Post: 96056201_14 created on Tue, 24 Feb 2015 17:46:25 +0000
Posted: Tue, 24 Feb 2015 17:46:25 +0000

jennainwonderland13

thx a lot and also thx for the tips;3

Report This Topic | unblock images

Gaia Forums » MISC Forums » Forum & Sticky Archive » Original Poetry/Lyrics

Welcome to Gaia! ::

Quick Reply

More Information