S H O R T B R E A D ● N O V A
100% real stardust, and a real cutie to boot.
Lovingly shaped and injected with just a bit of soul.
The flavour, as they say, is the original and the best!
Your only dilemma is...
To eat or not to eat?
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N O V A ● T O ● G O
This is what happens when we forget to feed our cooks.
The Shortbread Nova, but with less calories and 5% more zing!
It’s alarmed expression makes it a little hard to digest for some;
However, people with no conscience should have no problems whatsoever.
Be sure to keep an eye on your plate -- these Astros have been known to run awaaaaaay.
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R E D ● G I A N T
CAUTION: Red Giants are extremely hot!
Made from the dust of an about-to-explode star, these are impossible to eat without a large serving of cream.
(The cherry is just for decoration.)
For the braver of those among you, the taste is well worth the effort!
Noticeably rounder than our other cookies, its centre is sweet and sticky, encased in a crunchy exterior.
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B U R N I N G ● S U N
Unlike Red Giants, Burning Suns are pleasantly warm.
Crispy in texture, these Astros closely resemble toast and are generally delighted to be eaten.
Best served with jam or your choice of breakfast condiment.
Self-buttering.
Consumption is thought to bring on a feeling of contentment.
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CA R B O N ● S T A R
A delicious cinnamon treat dipped in chocolate fudge.
This Astro takes its name from stars that contain more carbon than oxygen.
Leaves a somewhat sooty aftertaste. You may find it appealing if you like the smell of petrol or nailpolish.
On the other hand, this can be easily disguised with more chocolate.
In any case, the initial flavour is so good that you will probably ignore any shortcomings.
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M A G N E T A R
Chilly on the tongue, Magnetars have huge gravitational pull.
Surprisingly sweet;
They are notoriously difficult to chew, but do not be tempted to use a knife!
Spoons and forks should also be avoided at all costs --
This is fair warning: you will never get them to separate.
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B L U E ● S T R A G G L E R
Blue stragglers are curious things.
They cannot sit unattended for more than 5 mins and taste watery with a hint of mint.
It has been suggested that they belong better on the drinks menu but we at Astro Bar have never claimed to make sense.
There have also been several comments that a night in the freezer might make them last longer.
Unfortunately, this process creates an entirely different creature altogether.
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M I L K Y ● W A Y
In honour of our home galaxy.
Milky Ways hold together about as well as Blue Stragglers but due to their colouring are much harder to locate on a plate.
As such, straws have been provided for your convenience.
We understand the urge to poke things with pointy objects but please try to be gentle with these.
Milky Ways are quite mild, both in taste and temperament.
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B L A C K ● H O L E
A popular phenomenon;
Black Holes are regions of space where the gravitational pull is so large that even light can't escape.
These Astros don't taste like much of anything, but are guaranteed to make you full.
Be sure to chew and swallow quickly --
Eat them before they eat you!
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P U R P L E ● P L E I O N E
The brightest of the Pleiades;
Ancient Greeks believed the star cluster represented the seven grieving daughters of Atlas.
This Astro is resigned to its fate but not exactly happy about it.
As such, the aftertaste is slightly bitter, a bit like a bite of grapefruit.
The constant tears also add a pinch of salt.
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W H I T E ● D W A R F
White Dwarves are the sullen younger siblings of Burning Suns.
A bit on the dull and small side, they are often sick of being outshone by their older relatives.
These Astros taste like raw cookie dough.
Although not very filling, they are the perfect size for entrées and midnight snacks.
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T H E ● D O W N P O U R
Perfect for days with miserable weather.
If you're feeling down or somewhat lonely, this is the Astro to complete your mood.
The icy shock to your tastebuds is sure to get you back on your feet.
Crunch them up quickly though;
If you stare for too long, that sad face may just make you feel worse.
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B L U E ● M O O N
There's some sort of spell on these Astros.
When the cooks remember to make them,
Somehow they never make it to your plate
Or you forget to eat them, or you're too full. They're a treat to be sure -
Only to be had once in a blue moon, as the expression goes.
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E A R T H
Unsurprisingly, these Astros taste like home.
They're a full meal all on their own;
The first bite yields cool oceanic water,
Some breadcrumb for dessert,
and a dash of forest vegetables.
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M A R S
These Astros are a territorial bunch.
They duke it out with Red Giants and Flaming Fireballs
And leave a fine layer of red dust in their wake.
They won't suffer being eaten without a fight either -
Make sure to thwack them hard with your spoon.
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