Addiction Support (Under Construction, but you can post)

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Robotic Chewie19

Kage_no_Taren

Robotic Chewie19

Happy Hour
Creator Or Liar?

Is this supposed to be helpful? If so, how? If not, why did you post it?

Did you click the links?

Yes...they appear to be evangelist comics...my questions still stand.

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So, the recovery thing is pretty much out the window for me for the foreseeable future. I'm just not at a place in my life where I can continue to handle everything without using. Everyone here who is still trying to recover has my utmost support.

[Aesuna]

Kage_no_Taren

logxdlady

Kage_no_Taren

logxdlady

I have a self-harm addiction. It's one of the only things that really helps me when I feel upset... and it's a mixture of feeling pain and drawing blood that makes it feel good to me. I had stopped for three, almost four months, but tonight, I was in so much emotional pain that I decided to cut again. I cut all over my left arm, but I didn't go very deep this time.
So...hi.

Hi. I'm sorry that happened to you. It seems like self-injury is one of the hardest addictions to get away from. I'm sure you're heard this often enough for it to sound trite, but relapse is a part of recovery, and figuring out what went wrong here can be a good opportunity to learn things that will help prevent it from happening again. Are you working to develop new, healthier coping mechanisms?

I actually have not heard that before.
I'm trying my best to find other things to do, but it's difficult... Not that there's nothing to do, but because I am holding back myself emotionally or something... I tend to not care for myself or put down myself and what I say and do. In my mind, I deserve every bad thing that has happened to me. But I'm working on changing that and believing in myself.

Are you in counseling at all? Failure to do self care or engage in positive activities, and negative self-talk, are what some rationalists call non-endorsed behaviors. You don't want to do them, or at least you know on some level that they are a bad idea and/or that the thoughts or attitudes are inaccurate.
Cognitive behavioral therapy can be useful for this, but a lot of the basic steps for a situation like this you can do at home. It's a hassle, but it may help to keep a journal of thoughts that are recognized as irrational, any behaviors resulting therefrom, and what kind of cognitive distortions they represent. There's a list here, phrased in absolute terms (e.g. Personalization is a distortion where a person believes that everything others do or say is some kind of direct, personal reaction to the person). In reality it may not always be so absolute, but it should be clear with a little practice what distortion(s) you're doing. Then after about a week start writing down a more rational statement than you can mentally "say" in response to the thought. (Actually saying it out loud can help too). And start trying to give these responses whenever you notice a distorted though. After a while it starts training your brain out of habitual, irrational though patterns.

I am in counselling.
Thanks for the idea about the journalling. biggrin

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logxdlady

Kage_no_Taren

logxdlady

Kage_no_Taren

logxdlady

I have a self-harm addiction. It's one of the only things that really helps me when I feel upset... and it's a mixture of feeling pain and drawing blood that makes it feel good to me. I had stopped for three, almost four months, but tonight, I was in so much emotional pain that I decided to cut again. I cut all over my left arm, but I didn't go very deep this time.
So...hi.

Hi. I'm sorry that happened to you. It seems like self-injury is one of the hardest addictions to get away from. I'm sure you're heard this often enough for it to sound trite, but relapse is a part of recovery, and figuring out what went wrong here can be a good opportunity to learn things that will help prevent it from happening again. Are you working to develop new, healthier coping mechanisms?

I actually have not heard that before.
I'm trying my best to find other things to do, but it's difficult... Not that there's nothing to do, but because I am holding back myself emotionally or something... I tend to not care for myself or put down myself and what I say and do. In my mind, I deserve every bad thing that has happened to me. But I'm working on changing that and believing in myself.

Are you in counseling at all? Failure to do self care or engage in positive activities, and negative self-talk, are what some rationalists call non-endorsed behaviors. You don't want to do them, or at least you know on some level that they are a bad idea and/or that the thoughts or attitudes are inaccurate.
Cognitive behavioral therapy can be useful for this, but a lot of the basic steps for a situation like this you can do at home. It's a hassle, but it may help to keep a journal of thoughts that are recognized as irrational, any behaviors resulting therefrom, and what kind of cognitive distortions they represent. There's a list here, phrased in absolute terms (e.g. Personalization is a distortion where a person believes that everything others do or say is some kind of direct, personal reaction to the person). In reality it may not always be so absolute, but it should be clear with a little practice what distortion(s) you're doing. Then after about a week start writing down a more rational statement than you can mentally "say" in response to the thought. (Actually saying it out loud can help too). And start trying to give these responses whenever you notice a distorted though. After a while it starts training your brain out of habitual, irrational though patterns.

I am in counselling.
Thanks for the idea about the journalling. biggrin

Being in counseling is good. Although I'm terrified of my next appointment because I'm gonna have to tell my counselor a lot of things I don't want to.

[Aesuna]

Kage_no_Taren

Being in counseling is good. Although I'm terrified of my next appointment because I'm gonna have to tell my counselor a lot of things I don't want to.

I know exactly how that feels. gonk Most of my ideas and thoughts get shot down by the people around me, so I think, maybe the counsellor would feel the same about them. But luckily, that doesn't always happen. Though I do get told at times that what I think is happening is off... sweatdrop

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logxdlady

Kage_no_Taren

Being in counseling is good. Although I'm terrified of my next appointment because I'm gonna have to tell my counselor a lot of things I don't want to.

I know exactly how that feels. gonk Most of my ideas and thoughts get shot down by the people around me, so I think, maybe the counsellor would feel the same about them. But luckily, that doesn't always happen. Though I do get told at times that what I think is happening is off... sweatdrop

Yeah...the issue here is that she could be very scary or invalidating without doing anything that would upset a normal person. And I have to tell her about my drinking...
Biggest fear is that she will try to stop me from leaving if I need to, because if that happens I'm not going to wait for her to ignore explanations, I'm going to break her face in and then walk out over her bleeding body. And I honestly don't want that, I just know from experience that I become violent very quickly under certain kinds of stress.

[Aesuna]

Kage_no_Taren

logxdlady

Kage_no_Taren

Being in counseling is good. Although I'm terrified of my next appointment because I'm gonna have to tell my counselor a lot of things I don't want to.

I know exactly how that feels. gonk Most of my ideas and thoughts get shot down by the people around me, so I think, maybe the counsellor would feel the same about them. But luckily, that doesn't always happen. Though I do get told at times that what I think is happening is off... sweatdrop

Yeah...the issue here is that she could be very scary or invalidating without doing anything that would upset a normal person. And I have to tell her about my drinking...
Biggest fear is that she will try to stop me from leaving if I need to, because if that happens I'm not going to wait for her to ignore explanations, I'm going to break her face in and then walk out over her bleeding body. And I honestly don't want that, I just know from experience that I become violent very quickly under certain kinds of stress.

I understand. sad

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logxdlady

Kage_no_Taren

logxdlady

Kage_no_Taren

Being in counseling is good. Although I'm terrified of my next appointment because I'm gonna have to tell my counselor a lot of things I don't want to.

I know exactly how that feels. gonk Most of my ideas and thoughts get shot down by the people around me, so I think, maybe the counsellor would feel the same about them. But luckily, that doesn't always happen. Though I do get told at times that what I think is happening is off... sweatdrop

Yeah...the issue here is that she could be very scary or invalidating without doing anything that would upset a normal person. And I have to tell her about my drinking...
Biggest fear is that she will try to stop me from leaving if I need to, because if that happens I'm not going to wait for her to ignore explanations, I'm going to break her face in and then walk out over her bleeding body. And I honestly don't want that, I just know from experience that I become violent very quickly under certain kinds of stress.

I understand. sad

And I want to be drinking...I mean, i am, but I want to be drinking more, and have more alcohol available, and yeah...it's confusing, and things are especially hard right now because my life is sucking more than usual and I can't write when I feel like this, which is a problem what with me being a creative writing major in college.

[Aesuna]

Kage_no_Taren

logxdlady

Kage_no_Taren

logxdlady

Kage_no_Taren

Being in counseling is good. Although I'm terrified of my next appointment because I'm gonna have to tell my counselor a lot of things I don't want to.

I know exactly how that feels. gonk Most of my ideas and thoughts get shot down by the people around me, so I think, maybe the counsellor would feel the same about them. But luckily, that doesn't always happen. Though I do get told at times that what I think is happening is off... sweatdrop

Yeah...the issue here is that she could be very scary or invalidating without doing anything that would upset a normal person. And I have to tell her about my drinking...
Biggest fear is that she will try to stop me from leaving if I need to, because if that happens I'm not going to wait for her to ignore explanations, I'm going to break her face in and then walk out over her bleeding body. And I honestly don't want that, I just know from experience that I become violent very quickly under certain kinds of stress.

I understand. sad

And I want to be drinking...I mean, i am, but I want to be drinking more, and have more alcohol available, and yeah...it's confusing, and things are especially hard right now because my life is sucking more than usual and I can't write when I feel like this, which is a problem what with me being a creative writing major in college.

What is going wrong in your life?

[Store_Pause_Seemingly]

logxdlady

Kage_no_Taren

logxdlady

Kage_no_Taren

logxdlady

Kage_no_Taren

Being in counseling is good. Although I'm terrified of my next appointment because I'm gonna have to tell my counselor a lot of things I don't want to.

I know exactly how that feels. gonk Most of my ideas and thoughts get shot down by the people around me, so I think, maybe the counsellor would feel the same about them. But luckily, that doesn't always happen. Though I do get told at times that what I think is happening is off... sweatdrop

Yeah...the issue here is that she could be very scary or invalidating without doing anything that would upset a normal person. And I have to tell her about my drinking...
Biggest fear is that she will try to stop me from leaving if I need to, because if that happens I'm not going to wait for her to ignore explanations, I'm going to break her face in and then walk out over her bleeding body. And I honestly don't want that, I just know from experience that I become violent very quickly under certain kinds of stress.

I understand. sad

And I want to be drinking...I mean, i am, but I want to be drinking more, and have more alcohol available, and yeah...it's confusing, and things are especially hard right now because my life is sucking more than usual and I can't write when I feel like this, which is a problem what with me being a creative writing major in college.

What is going wrong in your life?

The big thing right now is that my girlfriend has borderline personality disorder and high functioning autism, and that I was recently sexually assaulted, which has brought all of the PTSD symptoms which I mostly had under control back into full force. She's always really high maintenance, but for some reason the past few weeks have been especially bad, and she's been doing "manipulative" (quotes because she honestly doesn't mean them that way, just doesn't know other ways to get what she needs sometimes) behaviors that she stopped doing months ago. Some of that is probably that between the drinking and the trauma I've been more withdrawn and on edge, some of it is probably the new meds she's one, which we knew would temporarily decrease her ability to cope with being unhappy. But it's getting to me, because she gets mad at every mistake I make, and I'm scared because the last time things were this she went from difficult to violent in a few months...
By any reasonable standard she's abusive but I feel like I can't leave because a) I promised I wouldn't, and b) she needs me. A lot of the time I don't get a full nights sleep because I can't do homework while she's awake, and if she goes to bed earlier, she wakes up earlier too. I want to much to get out of here, I just...
And part of it is that because I'm a drug addict, and don't have a great history of making good relationship decisions, i don't really trust my own judgement on whether this is actually a bad situation, or if I'm just being unreasonable.
The PTSD stuff is meaning more not sleeping, plus having a harder time with a lot of social stuff and a much stronger desire to drink, and other things. Please attribute any typographical errors to me being slightly drunk right now.
And all this on top of the fact that I'm a full time student at a 4 year college, and I need good grades so I can go to med school. So lots of stress there as well, and so even when I want to write, it just won't happen...

[Aesuna]

Kage_no_Taren

The big thing right now is that my girlfriend has borderline personality disorder and high functioning autism, and that I was recently sexually assaulted, which has brought all of the PTSD symptoms which I mostly had under control back into full force. She's always really high maintenance, but for some reason the past few weeks have been especially bad, and she's been doing "manipulative" (quotes because she honestly doesn't mean them that way, just doesn't know other ways to get what she needs sometimes) behaviors that she stopped doing months ago. Some of that is probably that between the drinking and the trauma I've been more withdrawn and on edge, some of it is probably the new meds she's one, which we knew would temporarily decrease her ability to cope with being unhappy. But it's getting to me, because she gets mad at every mistake I make, and I'm scared because the last time things were this she went from difficult to violent in a few months...
By any reasonable standard she's abusive but I feel like I can't leave because a) I promised I wouldn't, and b) she needs me. A lot of the time I don't get a full nights sleep because I can't do homework while she's awake, and if she goes to bed earlier, she wakes up earlier too. I want to much to get out of here, I just...
And part of it is that because I'm a drug addict, and don't have a great history of making good relationship decisions, i don't really trust my own judgement on whether this is actually a bad situation, or if I'm just being unreasonable.
The PTSD stuff is meaning more not sleeping, plus having a harder time with a lot of social stuff and a much stronger desire to drink, and other things. Please attribute any typographical errors to me being slightly drunk right now.
And all this on top of the fact that I'm a full time student at a 4 year college, and I need good grades so I can go to med school. So lots of stress there as well, and so even when I want to write, it just won't happen...

I'm so sorry! That sounds awful sad
I've also got PTSD and am a student. I can relate to you there. neutral

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logxdlady

Kage_no_Taren

The big thing right now is that my girlfriend has borderline personality disorder and high functioning autism, and that I was recently sexually assaulted, which has brought all of the PTSD symptoms which I mostly had under control back into full force. She's always really high maintenance, but for some reason the past few weeks have been especially bad, and she's been doing "manipulative" (quotes because she honestly doesn't mean them that way, just doesn't know other ways to get what she needs sometimes) behaviors that she stopped doing months ago. Some of that is probably that between the drinking and the trauma I've been more withdrawn and on edge, some of it is probably the new meds she's one, which we knew would temporarily decrease her ability to cope with being unhappy. But it's getting to me, because she gets mad at every mistake I make, and I'm scared because the last time things were this she went from difficult to violent in a few months...
By any reasonable standard she's abusive but I feel like I can't leave because a) I promised I wouldn't, and b) she needs me. A lot of the time I don't get a full nights sleep because I can't do homework while she's awake, and if she goes to bed earlier, she wakes up earlier too. I want to much to get out of here, I just...
And part of it is that because I'm a drug addict, and don't have a great history of making good relationship decisions, i don't really trust my own judgement on whether this is actually a bad situation, or if I'm just being unreasonable.
The PTSD stuff is meaning more not sleeping, plus having a harder time with a lot of social stuff and a much stronger desire to drink, and other things. Please attribute any typographical errors to me being slightly drunk right now.
And all this on top of the fact that I'm a full time student at a 4 year college, and I need good grades so I can go to med school. So lots of stress there as well, and so even when I want to write, it just won't happen...

I'm so sorry! That sounds awful sad
I've also got PTSD and am a student. I can relate to you there. neutral

Now that I'm solidly drunk it seems less awful. Problem is with my metabolism this won't last long.