Pretty girls are victimized

[Chaotic Mastermind]

All my life everything has been about the way I look. When I was little my parents threw me into baby pageants and displayed me to their friends like I was some sort of trophy child. "Look what I made, isn't she beautiful?" As though my only worth was measured in the shine of my hair or the sparkle of blue eyes.

I was abused... well... you know, how a pretty-girl-child left alone in a drug house with perverted monsters would be abused... for years.

For a few years I did everything I could to make people think I was ugly... binge ate so I'd gain weight, dress in my brothers old baggy clothes, act mean to everyone, self mutilate, even shaved my head bald for 2 years in my teens.

But even with all the extreme measures I took, the abuse still continued - so I decided even if I hated everything about my life I didn't want to hate myself anymore. I lost the weight, grew my hair back out, started wearing clothes that actually fit me... And even though my attitude has changed the way people treat me hasn't.

I've always felt like... a doll or something. A misused toy everyone thinks they should be able to play with, that no one cares if it's broken because toys aren't real and don't have feelings.

And even after 10 years of therapy (8-18 ) I can't stop being who I am... I was taught to act a certain way around people as a child. So I'm friendly and charming and try not to say or do things to upset others. I'm like... obsessed with not making people angry, because angry people are liable to swing their fists and sling harsh words. So I don't know what to say or do when people start making me uncomfortable.

I think i have a total of three friends that don't think of me in a sexual way and act on those thoughts... I thought I had more, but recently since my 'look' or whatever has improved old friends have started to declare the existence of long held torches and have started to vie for my affections.

I can't handle it. I've stopped talking to almost everyone now, when I do see my friends they remind me why I didn't want to in the first place. When I've tried to make new friends I'm greeted with the same problem.

It hurts so much to think that my family and friends only value me for superficial reasons, that they don't see me as a person worthy of respect or honest and innocent affection. It hurts so much and I don't know what to do to change it, if I should or am able to change myself in a way that would make people see me differently, or if I should just... start cutting ties with people because I can't handle the way they treat me and don't know how to make them stop.

[EmeraldSigns]

im soo sry that happend to u and i hope u learn and continue to mend!! that really sux

[shelly_2K1]

Gorgeous people have to live with that I guess.
But have you ever thought those people that want you, can still be your good friends even if they knew you weren't interested in them?
Just tell them your not interested in dating them, and if they still talk to you then, you have a new freind. But I'm speaking in a matter of men..

[roxii_rawr]

Can i see a picture?

[Chaotic Mastermind]

shelly_2K1

Gorgeous people have to live with that I guess.
But have you ever thought those people that want you, can still be your good friends even if they knew you weren't interested in them?
Just tell them your not interested in dating them, and if they still talk to you then, you have a new freind. But I'm speaking in a matter of men..

I have no problem turning down dates or whatever, at least when it's cut and dry "Will you go out with me?" ... "No." ... *cries* "Okay..." - I have a lot of friends that started off thinking of me as a romantic interest.

Its when they push the matter that bothers me... or they think their being cute flirting with me when in reality they're making me so uncomfortable I wish I could jump out of my skin. There are a few friends I just had to stop talking to because they wouldn't stop touching me in pseudo-casual ways, trying to flatter me into changing my answer, or... some of them got angry like they wanted to be with me and I was the worst person in the world for not wanting them back.

I guess I just wish there was a way I could change so I wasn't the kind of person people think they can treat that way.

[ciel incertain]

Most people would be flatter, maybe you're just insecure. Maybe you don't see what the others see and find everything they do irrational. Or just show them that you're not all looks.

[Chaotic Mastermind]

roxii_rawr

Can i see a picture?

Um... sure I guess.

UpsideDownSkye

Most people would be flatter, maybe you're just insecure. Maybe you don't see what the others see and find everything they do irrational. Or just show them that you're not all looks.

I do get flattered, when I'm complimented on something that actually took me time and effort... And you're right, I don't feel very secure about my personal self (professional self is very healthy and thriving though) - and I probably don't see what it is about me that makes people react to me the way I do.

How would you suggest I show them I'm something other than the way I look?

[ciel incertain]

Work really hard in school, help the community, do your best at work(if you have a job), something that will have nothing to do with your beauty.

[dissipato]

Know other people well. If you've been friends for a long time, and they don't show you their affection-ever, then they're worth your tears, effort and time. Otherwise they're not.

About your parents, why don't you sit down and talk to them about it. Or maybe you could seek advice from older people who are already married. And I mean old. They could give you advice that can really help.

You can talk to those people about it. You could tell your parents if you could stay in a different place, where people see you differently.

If you believe in God, just pray to Him. Nothing's impossible. Just believe.

[Wet Chocolate Lips]

You should get plastic surgery.
Tell the doctor make me look horrible!

I know what you mean.
Its been kind of hard for me to find somebody that likes who I am that I return the feelings to.

[Mitwad]

I'm sorry you feel that way, and i can see therapy didn't do much, but then again if you saw somone and vented you may feel better, but looks aren't everything. only personality is.

[Chaotic Mastermind]

Mitchieesky

I'm sorry you feel that way, and i can see therapy didn't do much, but then again if you saw somone and vented you may feel better, but looks aren't everything. only personality is.

Therapy did... some good. I used to have these crazy episodes where I'd freak out and not remember doing stuff. I learned a lot of coping skills, at least when it came to dealing with my more destructive emotions. I'd go back to therapy in a heartbeat if it weren't for the fact that my family would freak out. It took years to get them to stop walking on egg shells around me and treat me as though I would break if they sneezed.

But yeah, I agree that looks aren't everything. To me, they mean almost nothing - I think that's one of the reasons it upsets me that people use mine to measure my value as a person.

[breezydeee]

beauty is pain, darling.

[ihavenewacct]

I ain't seeing it neutral

[Indigo Kitsune]

crying Why don’t you try telling people how you feel? Just praxes with stuffed animals or something. Tell them that your a beautiful person, with dignity who disserves love and respect. If the people around you can’t understand that, then I feel sorry for them.