Asking my Mom if I can meet my LDR boyfriend in USA?

[My Little Spider Friend]

Hey. So um, I have this LDR boyfriend. He's amazing. Guess what? I want to meet him. However instead of him coming here and us having to spend 2-3x more money during Christmas break, his parents agreed it would be much better, and more pleasant (since his parents adore me) if I were to go there. This is a little tricky for me, though, as I have to ask my traditional Portuguese parents. My dad, as awesome as he is, believes I'm sensible enough. However, legally, I'm under my moms care (due to a divorce). One down, one to go. Shouldn't be so hard, right? Wrong. When I told my mom about my boyfriend in the USA (I live in Canada), she laughed at me. She literally laughed in my face. This is my problem... I don't know how to ask her, and well, I really want to meet him. I'm legally old enough to fly alone on Air Canada, as the age of consent here is 16, and I'm 17.
It's either I gain enough courage to ask her and probably be humiliated, or I wait until the long weekend of my birthday (first week of April) to go.
But I don't want to wait that long, neither does he.
Of course, if that was our only option we'll choose it, but for now, can anyone help or give advice/experience?

Thank you so much.

Edit;; It's more expensive for him to come here because of hotel cost, transport, etc. If I go there I can stay with his parents.


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[legnanellaf5]

Just because you are old enough to fly alone..doesnt mean you should. It doesnt matter if you wait until you are 18 too, it is a bad idea. Especially if you are dependent on your parents, waiting until 18 doesnt actually give you as much freedom as you think. All it means is that legally you are an adult. However you likely will need your mom to pay for your life, so you cant do whatever you feel like it without clearing it with her, because obviously there are consequences.

First off I think you going to him is a bad idea for your safety. It also makes more sense that you should have him come to you because your parents are worried about the situation. You going to see him doesnt help you parents out at all, and his parents are already okay with the relationship. So if your parents saw your boyfriend in person, they will be more likely to agree to traveling on a later date. You need to prove to your parents that he is legit, which will not be done by you going to america.

No matter who goes where, the money issue is still the same. You going to the US isnt cheaper than him going to Canada. And it isnt like the difference in currencies are big enough that it matters, although yes it is cheaper to spend s**t in the us. Besides the physical traveling, there is also lodging. I know you are planning on staying with his family, but that is a stupid idea. Dont do that. try the family thing when you are older and your situation is more firm, because if you arent happy together in irl you are ******** because you cant get out of it. It is always better for you (or him if he comes to you, since this is just basics of meeting someone online) that the person who travels is able to have their own space. So that means paying for a hotel. This is just basic s**t you should be doing no matter what.

I also think that christmas break is a stupid plan because of the timing. That is pretty personal with family s**t, and probably too intense for a first meet up. You dont want to meet his whole family the first time you meet the dude, and same for him to your family. It also is a family time meaning tht it is less likely your parents will be okay with you missing out on whatever you do with them, and it will mean that prices of flights are more expensive because of how last minute it and the season. In this case, april is a better plan, since tickets can be bought now for probably cheaper, and unles your bday is on easter you are okay.

[Stranger59]

If it's worth asking, just do it. Present your case as clearly as you can, and if she says no, at least you know for sure.

[My Little Spider Friend]

legnanellaf5

I'm pretty independent besides actually living under my moms roof. I worked in the summer, so I've been using my own money and haven't asked my mom for a dime. Going to the USA will come 100% out of mine and his pocket, not my parents, not hers. Once I graduate highschool I plan on finding a full time job until I can save enough to live on my own. Moving out is my first priority after I graduate.

It's not my parents, it's my mom. My dad is 100% okay with it, but legally, my mom has custody over me. My mom never approves of anything I do.

It's still cheaper there. I can get a motel near his house for extremely cheap. Transportation isn't needed, as he lives in a small town so everything is walking distance. Here, even shitty bed-bug infested hotels cost over $150 per night. Transportation is a pain in the a**, and expensive too. This is one of the things we talked about too, as I tend to get anxiety attacks occasionally from being nervous or scared, so he said if I feel uncomfortable he'll pay for a room for as long as I need it.

As for when, we'd be meeting after Christmas, during the new years. It's the last week of my break. I don't associate with my family anyway, as they are disapproving and judgemental. As for the prices, this is why I need to ask my mom now, so I can get my tickets now, while it's still cheap. As for his family meeting me, I've talked to them before, and they even said if it makes it easier, they would talk to my mom. I'm pretty excited to meet his family, his mom is really sweet and his dad is awesome. Sure I'd be shy at first, but they are really welcoming people.


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[legnanellaf5]

My Little Spider Friend

legnanellaf5

I'm pretty independent besides actually living under my moms roof. I worked in the summer, so I've been using my own money and haven't asked my mom for a dime. Going to the USA will come 100% out of mine and his pocket, not my parents, not hers. Once I graduate highschool I plan on finding a full time job until I can save enough to live on my own. Moving out is my first priority after I graduate.

It's not my parents, it's my mom. My dad is 100% okay with it, but legally, my mom has custody over me. My mom never approves of anything I do.

It's still cheaper there. I can get a motel near his house for extremely cheap. Transportation isn't needed, as he lives in a small town so everything is walking distance. Here, even shitty bed-bug infested hotels cost over $150 per night. Transportation is a pain in the a**, and expensive too. This is one of the things we talked about too, as I tend to get anxiety attacks occasionally from being nervous or scared, so he said if I feel uncomfortable he'll pay for a room for as long as I need it.

As for when, we'd be meeting after Christmas, during the new years. It's the last week of my break. I don't associate with my family anyway, as they are disapproving and judgemental. As for the prices, this is why I need to ask my mom now, so I can get my tickets now, while it's still cheap. As for his family meeting me, I've talked to them before, and they even said if it makes it easier, they would talk to my mom. I'm pretty excited to meet his family, his mom is really sweet and his dad is awesome. Sure I'd be shy at first, but they are really welcoming people.


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Your mom is half of the parental unit, and the one who you have to live with and, the one who is concerned most. You may want to move out asap, but in this day and age it is hard to do that as a highschool graduate. You are looking at a few years there.

You havent really shown any reason why he shouldnt come to you. If anything you have given more reasons why you shouldnt be going to america. It is almost november, you are too late for getting 'cheap' tickets for new years. That is also a shitty time to plan things that require traveling because everyone travels for winter holidays. If he comes to you your mother can meet him and then that will smooth over everything. She doesnt udnerstand ldrs? It will help if she sees the dude in person, for sure. If you want your mom to approve of something, start by thinkign plans through instead of just doing what pops in your head. Nothing you have replied with says anything to why you should go to america, only that you have not thought it all the way through.

Also, idk where you live but I live in Ontario, I can get hotels for 100$ a night that are decent, and i live in the gta, so super popular. So, if you live in a not so populated area I cant see how you are getting higher pricers than me. When I went to the Us I paid similar prices for hotels there than I do traveling in Ontario or Quebec, I only pay for 150$ a night for rooms when I am going to some nice a** hotel for cons. It really is not that big of a difference, the only true one is the difference in currency which typically only a bit less than par. Plus...if you get anxiety attacks wouldnt it make more sense to stay put and be in a place you are comfortable with?

[L0LIS]

I'd bring someone with you - possibly one of your parents if you are to get your mother to agree. I know that's probably something you don't want because you may want some alone time but it's safer. You're flying to another country to meet a man you met online. (And let me tell you - the USA is full of crazies) It may seem like he won't harm you in any way, shape or form because you've been together so long and I am sure you've have deep conversations and many reasons to not be suspicious of any malicious acts but things do happen and although it feels safe to you, it may not be.

To try to get your mother to agree, you can just sit her down one day and ask her kindly if she can hear you out about something that is important to you. Present what you want to do, how you're feeling about it and tell her she can go too (which may help your case) If your mother does not want you to go, you should respect and listen to her. I'm sure it's the one thing you don't want to do but if it makes her feel uncomfortable or very worried for you to go, you should really stay. I have a daughter and I couldn't even begin to imagine having her grow up and fly to a completely different country to meet some man she met online. Just because you may have Skyped or talked over the phone doesn't mean he's any less dangerous.

I sure as hell wouldn't let my daughter go to another country to see some dude. I know it sounds harsh but even if she was legally allowed to go by herself and I said she can't go and she proceeded to disobey me, you better believe when she gets home I am not letting her in my house.

[xI Beautifully me]

It's always best to bring a friend or a guardian. I rather be humiliated than wait that long if I was dying to see someone. I would go for it. Tell them. It''s better than nothing.

[xChibi Cannibalx]

"Mom, i would really love to meet my boyfriend on christmas break. I will pay for my own plane ticket there and back and i will be staying at their house instead of a hotel. His parents will be home, so we wont be alone, so theres no need to worry about babies. Can i go visit him please?"

Let her answer, then discuss. If that doesnt work, then youll need to deal with it and wait until you are 18

[Kumacchiato]

Just suck it up and ask.... But first you should prepare.... Like phone numbers for everyone, addresses for her and then a detailed plan to keep in touch. Maybe have her talk to his parents as well.... Might make her more comfortable with the idea.

Although id never let my children go to another country alone.... Its to dangerous in my mind lol

You should have him come there instead. That way there isnt an issue.
Spending a lot sucks but it may be better for everyone.

[Tenshichan~dream]

Honestly if everything you say is true, that you are paying yourself, you are old enough to fly alone. Why do you need to have your mom's approval?

[My Little Spider Friend]

Tenshichan~dream

Honestly if everything you say is true, that you are paying yourself, you are old enough to fly alone. Why do you need to have your mom's approval?

Because what kind of example am I showing if I just got up and went? Of course I'd like to have her approval, it's only right.


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[ectogasm]

Get all the details you can before asking. Phone numbers, address, where exactly you'll be going and staying and how long.
It's what I do when I go out of town with friends.
I agree with you, just cause you're 18 it doesn't give you as much freedom as you think, its only respectful to ask or let your parents know.

[Serpent Detergent]

I think he should come to you, in my personal opinion.
Like one of the above said, the costs will pretty much be the same.

Also, the guy should meet the girls' parents first ^^; At least that's just my own opinion sticking out again.