Elves and Things They Say
Mopey
-Hey there! We need some help recovering Santa!
-What's the point of bringing Santa back? Either way I work, and either way I'm miserable.
-Choking hazards, pointy pieces, wrapping paper fatalities. X-Mas is the worst time of year.
-It's so cold and dreary at the North Pole all year 'round. I guess I deserve to be there...
-Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle... oh who am I kidding. I can't stand bells.
-This toy is so sad. A pair of googly eyes would help make it positively depressing.
-The spring on this toy broke. Of course. As always. *sigh* Find me another?
-Santa always said my toys were too cold. I guess I should add some kerosene to it.
-Mrs. Claus won't let me near razors anymore, so I need you to find one for this toy.
-Oh look. The toy's ready. I guess we should put it under the tree to make someone ELSE happy. *sigh*
Angry
-Pff. Toys. When I was a kid, all I had to play with were cigarette butts and old nails, and I turned out fine.
-This toy factory thing is just a seasonal gig. My true calling is in stealing hubcaps.
-Listen up: as long as Santa's out of the picture, I call the shots around here. Got it?
-This toy factory thing is just a seasonal gig. My true calling is in stealing hubcaps.
-Watch it with the eye contact, buddy, or so help me I'll slap the freckles off your mug.
-You know, makin' toys ain't so bad. Back in the joint I had to stamp out license plates all day.
-What'sa matter, chump? Never been punched in the head by an elf before?
-Buzz off, chump. If I needed your help, I'd take it from you.
-Gonna need something to light this baby up. Oh! That reminds me… due in court on a battery charge.
-Arrgh, I'm just so TENSE all the time... wish I could say the same for this horrible, flaccid toy...
-This thing needs a blade, and I lost mine inside the last sorry chump who tried to talk at me.
-What this son of a gun needs is some bounce. Fetch me a spring, will ya?
-Hey! Get this thing under the tree! We ain't got all day, kid.
Gramps
-Huh? What do ya want from me? Can't you see I'm resting.
-My hands aren't as steady as they used to be, but I can still make a toy as good as any elf.
-When I was a lad, toys were made out of lead, asbestos, and weapons grade uranium.
-Toys you say? I was making toys when you were crawling around in diapers.
-Back in my day, springs were a luxury. You shouldn't have any trouble getting me one.
-Ah, that's the stuff! OK, the toy is complete. Let's just slide it under the tree like so...
Steve
-Thinking of airbrushing a dragon on the side of my van. No big deal.
-I know a guy who has a primo hookup on some speakers. Could you spot me about 20,000 Gold?
-Me? Just working for some extra greenbacks, then I'm fixing my van and hitting the road.
-Hey, little buddy! You don't have a couch I can sleep on, do you?
-What this son of a gun needs is some bounce. Fetch me a spring, will ya?
-This toy needs a serious injection of googly eyes. Bring 'em to me!
-Now to put it all together... Boom! Another awesome toy for the tree courtesy of you and the Stevester.
Sickly
-I'll bet this workshop is crawling with bacteria... I can feel them swimming over my eyeball membranes...
-Ugh, my eye itches. Do you think it's some kind of horrible eye disease? I bet it is...
-What if I poke myself on a sewing needle and get blood poisoning and my veins turn black and I fall down dead? WHAT THEN?
-Does this freckle look infected? Maybe it's skin cancer, or that flesh-eating bact-- oh, wait, it's barbecue sauce.
-Huh? Speak up, I have a terrible, seeping ear infection...
-Do you think a cracked fingernail could get worse and worse until it damages the integrity of your skeleton and your skull just kinda falls in half?
-Does my shoulder look big to you? I think my shoulder looks bigger. Oh no, what if it's a big shoulder tumor? Do those exist?
-Do you think I need to wash my hand if I accidentally touch my other hand?
-Could you bring me some fuel for this? Not too much, though... the fumes make me so dizzy...
-I think I need a spring... I'm so sick of winter. I think I have Seasonal Affective Disorder.
-Would you put this toy under the tree for me? I feel too faint to walk that far...
Main Event Prizes
Tangled Christmas Lights
There's nothing worse than pulling out the Christmas decorations and finding the lights in ONE GIANT TANGLED MESS because someone couldn't put them away properly last year!!!
Starhat
"You're a shining star!"
Cheer-O-Meter
"This remarkable technology is now portable! Impress your friends or make brand new ones out of strangers by measuring their holiday cheer levels."
Mountain of Presents
"You were so good this year you got a MOUNTAIN of gifts! JOY!!"
My Own Little Elftech
"If you're ever mind-swapped with livestock during an alien abduction mishap, this guy can help."
Santa Cow Plushie
"After Santa got turned into a cow the mischeivous elves made this plushie of him for a laugh"
Elf Science
"You sure this isn't gonna turn me into a freakishly mutated fly or something?"
You are a Cow
"... Moo?"
Small Prizes - updated as received
These are zOMG items that you can use with recipes.
Aluminum
Branch
Brass
Bronze
Carbon
Chain link
Clamshell
Cloth
Copper
Cotton
Damascus
Fan edge
Fan Wood
Fish Scale
Garlic Peel
Kevlar
Lace
Leather
Music Note
Pearl
Pink Fluff
Rubber
Screw
Seashell
Seaweed
Silk
Skull Patch
Snake Eye
Stem
Suede
Tropical Flower
Walker Leg Tip
Wing Tree Leaf
Wood Piece