Imperious Condescension
Your assessment is lolita is slightly true. It's main focus is elegance above all else and also modesty in most of its sub genres. (within the exception of ero-lolita and even that's modest compared to most other fashions) But as within any fashion there are things that are considered faux pas. There are things that are considered "no-no's" within any fashion, despite whether personal taste or not. The fashion world is a very critical place. To think otherwise is kind of contradictory of what makes things "fashionable" in the first place. Too much lace is considered unfashionable within the lolita community.
Yeah, you can have a bunch of lace and have big cuts and maybe show off some cleavage. But to most lolitas you're not doing it right. There's a STYLE to style.
I understand the origin of the term Lolita to be from Vladimir Nabokov's novel written in the 50's. The style hit mainstream around the 90's.
Between then linguistically it was used to describe young women with a mature or sexualized appearance...
Why the fashion culture decided to adopt it as their name is beyond me.
The style has escaped from the original sexualized meaning of the word though, but the feminine focus is still very important. The clothing is vintage inspired, Typically they have an admiration for Victorian or Elizabethian aesthetics. Grand Petticoats, bodices, decorative hats and parasols. These tend to be trimmed and decorated with lace though.
As far as "faux pas," or rules and guidelines are concerned, they are only made to be broken by those brave few... As I mentioned before, to each is their own. Personally there isn't much that makes me happier than being drenched head to toe in black lace like I'm attending a funeral.
Besides that, if everyone adhered to strict stylistic guidelines, we would all be dressing the same, and Fashion would have no progression. As well I wouldn't want to be part of a subculture that is highly critical and judgmental of such superficial qualities, an accepting and open attitude will nurture individual and community progress.
My personal mantra has always been "do what feels right for you." If you like something that someone else considers a "faux pas," you shouldn't be made to feel ostracized and embarrassed for it.
Strict Rules can take all the fun out of fashion, (I had to wear uniforms for years, and I hated it, and found every chance to break the rules.) Changes in Variations lend toward options, and I like having options!
So please don't forget the fans of lace while exploring other avenues of design!
I want to see a fashion landscape where Sweet and Gothic Lolita are free to mingle with one another and regular fashions.