• I walked inside the door and there stood nothing.
    Nothing but the silence answered me.
    The cold ground at my feet
    and the landing empty as a black hole.
    It was not just an empty nothing, it was an engulfing nothing.

    That was when I realized that it must have been love.
    This nothing was once whole, I remember it.
    I would come home and He would greet me,
    He would come and see me, say hello
    and welcome me home.
    That must have been love.
    It's hard to see this nothing, where
    there must have been love.

    The love so tender that in its absence
    there is a black hole
    on the landing,
    and in the corner of the couch.
    The hole eats away my safety,
    it devours my calm at night.
    This irritated festering black hole
    chews away my life and we all
    feel it so intently that I know
    It really is there.

    It must have been love that was strong enough
    to fill this emptiness for such a long time.
    It must have been my deep devotion to Him that
    made my day better, no matter how it was.
    When I came home and He would welcome me,
    come and see me at the door,
    my day was perfect.

    It must have been love that made me feel safe
    at night, or love that gave me an excuse to
    understand all the groans of this haunted house-
    or is it only haunted now, without Him?- instead of just Him upstairs.

    When I came home and stood in that cold doorway,
    the house groaning like a monster
    ready to break the closet door,
    I knew, for myself
    the infection would leave if there was new life,
    an antibiotic, and careful surgery.
    The house was cold and lonely,
    it needed something
    to pass the time and dress its wounds.

    Our youngest is not the same as Him.
    he is more protective. Perhaps we need that
    to keep away the blackened hole
    His absence makes.

    This must be love -a new love-,
    that makes me feel safe at night
    knowing even if the landing's empty
    the house is under guard from the hole.