• You will fly and you will crawl.

    God knows even Angels fall.

    No such thing as you’ve lost it all.

    God knows even Angels fall.

    You laugh, you cry, no one knows why.

    But, oh, the thrill of it all.

    You’re on the ride.

    You might as well open your eyes.

    What happened I was in Hell and now I’m in the Mansion naked? The last thing I remember was Buffy telling me that it was fate that we didn’t work out. I was trying to tell her that I was never going to give up when I woke up here. Is this my second chance? I hope it is, because this time, it’s going to be different. Buffy and I are going to make it work. We have to I’ll die with out her. Okay, I’ve died from her, but she was just saving the world like she always does. My Buffy.

    You found hope, you found faith.

    Found how fast she could take it away.

    Found true love, but lost your heart.

    Now you don’t know who you are.

    She’s not here. Funny she was with me every moment I was in Hell and now that I’m back in the Mansion, she’s gone. Where is she? I know I don’t deserve to see her after everything that happened. I wouldn’t blame her if she never spoke to me again. I was nothing before her and I’ll be nothing long after her. I would never want to take back the night, even if it meant everything could go back the way it was. How can you deign yourself that one moment of perfect happiness?

    She made it easy, made it free.

    Made you hurt, till you couldn’t see.

    Sometimes it stops sometimes it flows.

    But, baby that is how loves goes.

    After that night, all I could think about was punishing her for making me feel. She is what made me want to fight for good and then she was the one I wanted to torture for having such a dramatic affect on me. Killing Jenny, telling her mom, sticking Dru on Kendra, there are so many things I regret from being Angelus again. But is there really a difference between us? No one else is going to think so. I have wanted to do Angelus type things over the year, but with a soul comes consequences for your actions.

    It’s a secret that no one tells.

    One day it’s heaven, one day it’s hell.

    And it’s no fairy tale, take it from me.

    That’s the way it’s supposed to be.

    So that’s it, I’m both Angel and Angelus. No one is going to like having me back, but I have to see her. Why can’t I be stronger? I told her before we started dating that this wasn’t a fairy tale when we kiss she wasn’t going to wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after. I’m not going to turn human, no matter how much I try a part of me will always be vampiric. So I have to go find her, make her understand, and take me back. I have to.