• Before I get into why I had to be homebound I need to explain a few things. First of all, I suffer from ADHD or Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, social anxiety, severe depression, and a form of OCD which in my case led to me pulling my hair out to the point where I was bald on the top of my skull.

    My freshman year, just after the winter finals, was when I discovered I had the social anxiety and OCD. My family and I had found out about my ADHD and depression before then and I was taking meds for it. Unfortunately my subconscious was trying to tell me something and I just wasn't understanding the signs. I thought I was just suffering from hair loss, I didn't realize that I was the one that was causing the hair loss. I was getting singled out in the hallways before then, and never by the same group or person twice. Well after we found out about the social anxiety and OCD, it was suggested to my family I be homebound. Homebound is like homeschooling, the only real difference is that a person from the school district comes and tutors you instead of a family member. So for the remainder of freshman year, I was homebound.

    Sophmore year, only lasted a week or two in the actual highschool. I was relapsing, for lack of a better word, and was put back into the homebound program. I kept throwing up, violently, and was in the nurses office practically every day. I wasn't being bullied again at that point but I guess I was so afraid that my body reacted to my subconscious mind and was causing me to get physically ill.

    Before Junior year, I had made a promise to my psychologist at the time to try and last the year. Well, for the first half up till Feburary it was fine. I found my old friends, made some new ones, and thought I was in the clear. Until about the second half of March when the bullying started up again. At the end of April I returned to being homebound, because it had escalated so bad. And the worst part is: I didn't have any names I could report to the school authorities. Not once was a name mentioned, not even a nickname on who could be tormenting me. I did my finals and finished Junior year at home.

    The during the summer, just before Senior year, during Registration my mom and I talked to my new school councillor suggested a way for me to get to my classes without really any other students being in the hallways at the time. It was a pass that would allow me to leave class five minutes before the passing period would start and I could get to my class with no problems. Generally its used for people who have a broken bone or a sprained limb or can't get around as easily as everyone else. I think that that was my saving grace Senior year. I was able to go the entire year without dealing with a single bully, badmouther, or jerk face trying to hurt me. Security was really nice too, all I had to do was show them my pass and they would let me go without a problem. Eventually it got to a point where I didn't need to show my pass for the most part because they recognized me in the halls. I would still have to pull it out every once in a while, but as I kept the pass with me at all times it wasn't a big deal.

    So other than Senoir year where I was given the five minute pass, my high school years were, well, where Satan lives. I don't think I'll ever be able to truely get over that time in my life. I still have ADHD, social anxiety, severe depression, and OCD but that's something I can live with. Being singled out for no reason what-so-ever by someone just to hurt me is something I can't. I admit, I was seriously considering suicide on more than one occasion during high school. But now that I'm out of that place, I'm not anymore. And that's a good thing. I still keep in contact with my friends from high school but I avoid going to that place like a plague. It just brings up bad memories that are too soon to deal with right now. Maybe one day I'll be able to walk those halls again, without the fear of being bullied. I hope so, but until then I'm staying as far away from my former high school as I possibly can.