• Ian...I was infatuated with him. From every fire in my soul I knew that. I loved him, I admired him, I praised him. He stood above everything. He was the light, the dark. He balanced everything out. He was my king. After spending so many years in highschool, always following after him, always dreaming, always wondering, what if?, I still hadn't done anything productive. I'd spend hours in my room every day, wishing, wanting him there to look over my shoulder and ask about what it was I was writing. But he never did. He was always there, a distant ray standing out in a dark cave. Everyone else was after him too. And to see him give them the same adorning looks made me incredibly angry.
    I stood there now, right in front of him, giving him that large smile I used to from a distance. And he saw it up close. I was always basking in that light he radiated off of his gorgeous self. And as I was I never really saw him. Rex. The one other person that meant something to me. He was the one that always looked over my shoulder. He was the one that always listened to me. He was the reason I was so motovated. He gave me a shoulder to cry on, a smile to laugh at, a frown to share anger with. It was like harmony. But I never noticed that the infatuation I shared with Ian, Rex shared it with me. And the odd thing is, Ian and I didn't realize the connections.
    Rex had always been able to tell that I was obsessed with Ian. The daydreams I shared with him, the stories I wrote based off of him, how I was always waiting for him to pass me in the hallway. And I never saw that it had drove a dagger right through his chest every time. He was slowly bleeding to death, no one could see it...and I was the only one who could stop it. It felt like pressure, building up in the back of my head. But it was always released when Ian laughed. I could hear his harmonious and angelic laugh all the way from down the hall. And when Rex laughed it was always like hearing leaves falling and a crook running downstream. Ian was like Heaven, Rex was like Autumn. I had thought many times of asking him about it, but I could never find the courage to ask. It was odd. I felt the same light feeling when I thought of Rex that I did when I experienced Ian. I was confused.

    Time passed and highschool flew by. As usual, I passed with the top grades. I couldn't help being intellegent. Ian and Rex too. And then, the thought of splitting broke me. I could feel the distict shatter of my heart, soul, and very being. The shards cut me from the inside, inflicting their unmerciful pain. What could I do? Soon, I would leave both of them. Rex who made me laugh ever since we were young and Ian who I had looked up to for many years. I thought there wouldn't be a very difficult decision involved. I was very wrong. The year was coming to an end. Graduation was afoot. Everything was going to fall apart. Ian had plans to go to a college somewhere in Alaska to study archeology. Rex was planning on going out on his own, learning from experience and what others would teach him. I had hoped he was going for music school. He played piano wonderfully.
    I consulted him on it, asking why he wasn't going to a college for music. He only smiled. I had edged him on, telling him that with a talent like his he could surely get a scholarship. But at that he laughed. He had told me that the only thing he wanted to do was get away from the past. And after he said that everything came flooding out. He told me was he experienced, watching me love Ian. He had always felt the dagger and could feel his own blood on his hands. He told me it hurt to watch me go after another. And I couldn't help but feel guilty. The delicate frame of my entire self was made of glass. And now, something was shattering it. I couldn't feel anything. I felt numb.
    Rex had told me then that he had always loved me. That the feelings I felt for Ian were his exact ones towards me. And then I felt what he felt. A dagger through the heart and the warmth of my own blood. I was destroyed. I had been so blind! Blind to everything. I had cried, for after that I didn't see Rex again. Ian left too, but I didn't care. I felt like I was a ghost. I couldn't make out anything. The two most important things in my life were gone. It was like two giant pillars of support had been holding me up and without them I would fall and break. Then, they were suddenly jerked out from underneath them I felt before breaking into a thousand pieces. I was nothing but a shell now.

    Three years had gone by. I was still in college, and I still felt the horrible pain that I felt back then. The dagger was lodged in deeply, and nothing could pry it out. I had been told by many, never inflict on the past. But this past was too important to let go. I had to keep it, to teach myself a lesson. But after all these years I couldn't take it anymore. I had gone home and to bed. But only never to wake again. I was engulfed in dizzying darkness, and the only face I saw was Rex's. I had bled to death, just like Rex would have done had he not moved on. But this was for real. I wasn't waking up. We all say that it feels like there's a knife in your chest. But I tell you that that feeling isn't anything like the actual thing. All your tension is released. I could feel the lightness, like my body shifted into thousands of butterflies. And I knew that only in death, I was free.