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Birthday: 03/23

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I wuv yew! emotion_kirakira heart
My B-day is March 23rd 1993 so for right now I'm 21.
Male.
Straight.

"We chased the Peeps into their cuddle bunkers, then had to tickle them out with machine hugs and fun throwers! They say the more Peeps you tickle, the easier it gets. Well, sir, it doesn't."

"The fact that anyone can buy these without a background check is absolutely disturbing. I'm all for responsible crayon use but I'm definitely against Crayola's high capacity boxes. I mean who needs 64 colors??:

"These roaches are getting braver by the minute, We've gotta strike them down soon. Pretty soon these roaches are going to have enough confidence to play sports with us, to join us in recreational activities, to be attending our elementary schools with our children. You know look at this thing, do you want that? Do you want this thing catching a touch down pass from little Johnny? I don't think so, I just don't think so. Cockroaches are downright insulting to the universe. There is no reason they should exist, none. Every single thing in this world looks at a cockroach and wonders "why?" But a cockroach looks at itself and wonders "why not?"And it's that attitude that makes cockroaches disgusting douchebags."-Cr1tiKal/penguinz0

“Ostrich”, they said. ******** ostrich. “No way ostrich is coming up in a drug deal”.

No one mentioned the idiot had a ******** ostrich.

A. ********. Ostrich.

Who has a pet ostrich?

Eccentric cocaine dealers, that's who.

That's why Morelo asked me “what the ******** are you talking about?” when I said the money was “right there, by the big dove”.

“Have you never seen an ostrich before?”, he asked, because who the ******** calls an ostrich “the big dove”?

This idiot, that's who.

“Oh, that's an ostr – that's what that is?” I replied, my a*****e clenched so tight it could cut a number 2 pencil in half.

“Scott, you're telling me this is the first time you see an ostrich?”, asked him, the golden chains clinking as he walks my way.

I say the word ostrich and this place is run down by a SWAT team faster than you can say... ostrich. But he doesn't know that, of course. To him, ostrich is just his freaking pet.

What's wrong with having a golden retriever, for God's sake?

“I thought they were called Emus”. I smiled. He didn't.

“Jesse is not an emu. She's an ostrich. Understood?”

“Ok. The money is right by Jesse's side, on my briefcase.”

“Emus suck. Don't you agree?”

“I do, I do.”

“You know what's better than emus?”

“Jesse?”

“OSTRICHES. Do you understand?”

I'm pretty sure I shitted myself right about there.

“I do. I do. Can we just complete the transaction?”

“What's Jesse, Scott?”

“What?” I don't have a gun. A SWAT team storms this hotel room, exchanging fire with these dealers, and I'm like a bleached a*****e in the middle of a d**k and c**k mingle.

Meaning I'm ********.

“Jesse. Is. Not. An. Emu. Do you understand?”

“I do, Mr. Morelo. Very much. Let's just make the trade, ok?”

“No.” He waves his guys, “Bring me Jesse.”

Have you ever seen an ostrich walking across a hotel room filled with cocaine, money and drug dealers while trying to stop yourself from crying like a b***h and silently calculating the escape route of a building?

I have.

“Pet her.”

I pet the ********.

“Tell me. Is this an Emu?”

“No, sir, it's not.” It's a ******** ostrich.

“What is this?”

s**t. s**t. s**t. s**t.

“It's an... ostrich. ******** it, it's an ostrich! Ostrich! Ostrich! Save me, come in, come in! They have guns! OSTRICH, OSTRICH, OSTRICH!”

Nothing. And, of course, they look at me like I'm crazy.

“Ostrich!”

“What the ******** are you doing?” They ask, but it's just to be polite, seeing as the guns are already pointed at me.

“OSTRICH! What the ********, guys? Ostrich!”

“Who the hell are you talking to?”

And just as the guns are cocked, I remember.

Alpaca. It was alpaca. Not ostrich.

Alpaca.

Why did I think it was ostrich?

“Shoot this ********.”

I could have said “alpaca” before they opened fire. I don't know why I didn't.

If I had to take a guess, I'd say it's cause I thought I deserved it, in a way.

“I'm gonna die because of alpacas and ostriches”, I think, as Jesse stares at me from above. “Is that blood on my shirt? Who messes up alpacas for ostriches, anyway?”

This idiot, that's who."-psycho_alpaca










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OMG Sushi Report | 11/13/2014 5:45 pm
OMG Sushi
Thanks! 4laugh
fuzzy . chaos Report | 11/03/2014 3:15 pm
fuzzy . chaos
Ur hawt.
physically nauseating Report | 10/08/2014 11:41 pm
physically nauseating
s**t that's great! lol like i even play any video games now - _-
physically nauseating Report | 10/08/2014 7:12 pm
physically nauseating
how r u friend
Childish Intellect Report | 10/07/2014 7:50 pm
Childish Intellect
I heart Space Jam.
anecdoche Report | 09/19/2014 2:16 pm
anecdoche
eeeeexactly , -
i'm glad we are the smart ones lol
anecdoche Report | 09/19/2014 2:08 pm
anecdoche
well the idea is to convince others that it's a good idea so you'd get some money yourself..
but i hate the idea.. i mean, i don't wanna think bad about my friend but it just feels like she tries to use me.
she may think that making me a seller will help me to earn, but it's just passing weight from your shoulders to someone else's shoulders..
anecdoche Report | 09/19/2014 1:57 pm
anecdoche
yeah, marketing or something. selling some products. and then making my customers to be new sellers.
it's like a pyramid scheme. i'm so not getting myself into such thing. i don't wanna make anyone suffer nor make myself suffer.
my friend just went crazy and believed that it was a good idea and that she would earn thru that.. i told her that i'm happy for her if it works for her sweatdrop
anecdoche Report | 09/19/2014 1:50 pm
anecdoche
yeah, that sucks. my friend tried to get me into online sales thing but ugh, i'm not interested.
when i work, i wanna feel it in my body. gosh that made me sounds like a prostitute lol
well you get what i mean, i wanna work like a real worker; doing honest stuff and actually being able to see the work i have done.
anecdoche Report | 09/19/2014 1:45 pm
anecdoche
yeah, i have been thinking of going back to study too sometimes,
but then i remember that i'm going to be stuck again for 3 years, so no thanks. hehe , -
if you want, kik me, and i'll send you some kitty pics whee
so have you found any nice job yet? biggrin

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