^people I know^!

The Most Functional English Word Well, it's s**t...that's right, s**t! s**t may just be the most functional word in the English language. Examples: You can get s**t-faced, Be s**t out of luck, or have s**t for brains. With a little effort, you can get your s**t together, Find a place for your s**t, Or be asked to s**t or get off the pot. You can smoke s**t, buy s**t, sell s**t, lose s**t, find s**t, forget s**t, and tell others to eat s**t. Some people know their s**t, while others can't tell the difference between s**t and Shinola. There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, There is bull s**t, horse s**t and chicken s**t. You can throw s**t, sling s**t, catch s**t, shoot the s**t, or duck when the s**t hits the fan. You can give a s**t or serve s**t on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep s**t or be happier than a pig in s**t. Some days are colder than s**t, some days are hotter than s**t, and some days are just plain shitty. Some music sounds like s**t, things can look like s**t, and there are times when you feel like s**t. You can have too much s**t, not enough s**t, the right s**t, the wrong s**t or a lot of weird s**t. You can carry s**t, have a mountain of s**t, or find yourself up shits creek without a paddle. Sometimes everything you touch turns to s**t and other times you fall in a bucket of s**t and come out smelling like a rose. When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language. And remember, once you know your s**t, you don't need to know anything else! A little ****** was helping it's grandma in the kitchen, spilling some flour on his face he looked up and said, "Look grandma! I'm a white boy now!" His grandma whooped his a** and told him to go tell his mom what he'd said. He goes into the living room and says, "Look momma! I'm a white boy now!" His mom whoops his a** and tells him to go tell his father what he'd told her. He walks outside and says, "Look pappy! I'm a white boy now!" His father whoops his a** and then asks him what he learned. He says, "I've only been white for five minutes and I already hate you ******** niggers!" Why are all the niggers fast runners? All the slow ones are in jail. Whats the difference between niggers and snow tires? Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them! How do you keep a ****** from going out? Pour more gas on him! Why do white folks go to ****** garage sales? To get their stuff back. How do you keep niggers out of your back yard? Hang one in your front yard!

awesome words: smartasstic- smartass and sarcastic combined ********- retarded ********- ur ******** (retarded) sardonic- really negative sarcasm retarded- stupid (in my use) holy gosh- pretty much holy s**t n oh my gosh mixed

One day at the end of class little Johnny's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story, little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Next is little Lucy. "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies "Don't count your eggs before they're hatched." Last is little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands". Teacher looks in shock at Johnny and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story. Johnny replies, "Don't ******** with uncle Ted when he's been drinking!"

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."