About
So, I'm Rachel. I'll write something meaningful later.
The books will be a distraction from my life. Something else to think about and consume myself with instead of the sadness that wants to overcome me. But I have learned better than that by now. I can't have myself wasting away like I have done before.
An obsessive personality likes to have something to obsess over. I will give myself just that much, like I did so many years ago.
Maybe I can become a better person, maybe straighten myself out for once. I can't rely on anything right now. Nothing but myself and what I have to preoccupy my brain.
It's okay if no one understands, because I am not one to be understood. If I can't understand myself half of the time, why should anyone else have to? Nothing else matters to me right now except for my desperate grasps at the distant future.
I will wait, patiently. I will blur my thoughts. Maybe it wont be so bad.
I miss you so much already though - if I think about you too much, I wont be able to take it. So I wont.
Justin, I love you so much more than anything this world has to offer.
There is no one who can compare to you. There is no one equivalent in my life, you make every experience new and special.
I cherish every moment I get to have with you. I am grateful that you are mine, and I am so lucky to have you.
When I am with you, I try to memorize every detail about you, so that I might have a perfect image of you in my head. But nothing compares to when we are together.
I am lonely without you here. Feeling unsafe and isecure. Bottling up my emotions so I can make the time pass that much quicker, and be that much happier when you are back in my arms.
We have a great distance between us, and possibly a long road ahead of us, but that doesn't change anything. Not how I feel for you, not what I want with you, and most certainly not how I am with you. I don't think anyone but you and me can understand what we mean to one another, and there is no use explaining it to anyone. It can be our inside. Because no matter what, we are real. And we mean what we say. Our trust to one another, our loyalty, and our appreciation for each other is all that matters. I love you Justin Lee Carrus; Always and Forever.
