I pray that none of the following offends you as it is not my intention. This is my own personal experience and it has made me a better person today.
Click the spoilers to read further.
I have been changed. Profoundly so. Let me tell you my story.. my testimony- the reason I chose to follow Him.
I wasn't always like this. But I'm not always perfect- even up til now.
I'm not always nice, I'm not always in control of my temper. But I feel much, much better than I have ever been.
My life changed in 2012. Before that..I was in fits of anger, depression, always cursing in my mind and at times, out loud. I was a constant liar, I lusted over anything and anyone that looked good.
I've thought of suicide countless times but was too scared to actually go through with it. And in first few months of 2012..I was at my peak. I have had enough. Most of my life was filled with negative feelings, thoughts, words, and actions that I've chosen to engage in.
Feeling on the brink of committing suicide, I wanted it to all end. But not physically. I wanted to end these feelings of negativity, helplessness, worthlessness, I wanted to feel joy again. And the very thing I did at that point..was to pray.
I prayed to God- like speaking with a best friend who'll always be there for you and to listen to whatever you have to say. I've asked for forgiveness for the way I've been living. I was in tears, full of guilt and after all was said..I felt whole again.. like all the weight on my shoulders and deep within my soul has been lifted.
I felt like I was given another chance to start over. And that is forgiveness. If you ever feel guilty of anything, let Him heal you. Let Him know you feel remorseful for what you've done, said, thought of. Don't ever let the Enemy make you resurface those feelings of guilt after you've already confessed your sins. Trust that Jesus Christ's sacrifice is stronger than the Enemy, that He has the power to break the bonds of sin, past, guilt, etc.
I prayed for Him to change my life, to turn it around a full 360 degrees for the better, and for Him to help me each day.
Since then..He has radically changed who I am.
I'm not perfect, I am a work-in-progress. Always letting Him down in some way or another but I'll always strive to follow Him no matter what.
He has deepened my faith and understanding. My days are filled with purpose. I have hope now. I want to give the love He gave me ..back to others.
It is once in a blue moon that I have ever thought of suicide but when I do, I remind myself that to commit suicide would be to commit murder on my own body. To kill a life, a Holy Temple in which He has given me as a gift. And in doing so, I may go to hell.
Now..why would a loving God do such a thing you ask?
Keep in mind that God is Holy and Just. He is the Judge and since He is Holy and Just, He does not allow the unrepentant to go to Heaven. It wouldn't be fair to those who are righteous and who follow Him to the best of their ability.
Would you think a judge on earth is just in letting a murderer go without punishment in jail? He has given us free-will to choose whether or not to follow Him.
I was an unbeliever even though I was baptized as a Roman Catholic. I went to Church without any feeling..without really taking the sermons to heart. Without following Him. He's shown me that living the dangerous and negative life I was living before..was why I needed Him. I needed a rescue and He delivered me from a chaotic path.
I am brand new. I stumble sometimes, yes..but I don't fall. I know I can depend on Him. Whenever I stop reading the Bible, I forget who I am, and what I should do. I start to revert back to my sinful ways. But I do my best to acknowledge Him in everything one day at a time by praying, thanking Him, and picking the Bible back up again.
I know things don't always go the way we plan it but He'll always be here for us no matter what.
16Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
Sometimes we think that the bad things that happen to us is God punishing us. But it's not. Like I said..there are two plans. God's plan and the Enemy's plan. If we make an effort to follow Him, He will reward us and change our lives for the better.
There are just so many occurrences where I've felt God's presence and love for me. Even though I was an unrepentant sinner, He still waited patiently for me to turn to Him. He has done SO many things for me that I haven't noticed before ever since I've turned to Him. He's shown me how to love others, He's healed my past hurts and situations. He's helped me to forgive and let go. "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and realize that prisoner.. was you.” ~Lewis B.
My name is Crissy and this is my story. My testimony to the One who changed me for the better.