My Chaotik biography
My childhood was a simple one, filled with the joys of picking through the city trash cans in hopes to find a nice pair of discarded shoes. I wasn't poor, though, and that was the joy of it! I had things that the average kid had. My teen years were a b***h, though. I met this one cat-girl and she really liked me. I mean REALLY liked me. We hung out for a while, because, I mean, she was really nice. ^_^ Then one day we saw a male calico and she was like "Forget this!" AND DITCHED ME!!
I got mad, real mad, so I went out into the desert for 40 days and 40 nights to find enlightenment. Then I got tired of baring the heat, so I moved to Antarctica to live with the penguins. There, the penguins taught me the ways of being a bowling pin when walruses roll down mountains. I returned the walrus' bukkit, and then I met that cat-girl again. She for some reason wanted to make out with me. So I was like "okay" *shrug*; but as our faces came together, a horrible sense of deja vu overcame me as I remembered "Jennifer's Body"... The fear brought about by the thought of the movie caused me to blackout and experience a terrifying flashback from my youth (as I often do). Flashback: I had wandered into a movie theater at night, too tired to make it back to my cardboard box on the street corner; laying down on the seats, I was staring at the black screen when I saw the most disgusting sight ever. And the awful sight was. . . an empty bag of Gummi Bears, and a Latte machine that was ******** empty. When all of a sudden, the latte machine started spewing coffee and cream everywhere! The cream that spewed everywhere reminded me of the time when I- Wait, that's against the ToS! I can't share that information with all of you. So let's just say it was a really fun time! As I started to fall asleep in the movie theater I was woken up by the stupid stalker cat-girl. I asked that b***h, "What the crap d'YOU want?" and so she said, "Tickle your pickle for a nickle!" then winked at me. "But I hate pickles," was my simple reply. Elaborating, I added, "It's 'cause their skin looks like it has warts!!" The Cat-girl tilted her head and then she said, "...I didn't mean THAT pickle..." There was a long pause between us, so I just got up and left. But as I was four blocks away from the cat-girl I was attacked by flying sushi and beached up dolphins. I killed them all with... a spoon... then took them home and had them for dinner. They made a delicious soup and the spoon I killed them with had become extremely helpful for the situation. (To be continued)