A look inside the odd one
Let's see...... what about me do people want to know? I'm..... odd, in many, many ways! ^.^ Most people think I'm weird, but for some odd reason, my friends like that about me... so yay them!!! I'm normally quiet, but I'll open my mouth to say what I think's important. Well, ironically enough, I'm a follower, not a leader, but I HATE taking orders. I have a stray cat personality, and a stray cat lives free, but who knows...? The girl to make me a house cat has to be out there.... Somewhere, y'know?
Maybe I should include some basic stuff....?
I'm 5'11", green and brown eyes, dark brown long hair.
My favorite drink EVER is Monster
I listen to a lot of different music, in Japanese, English, and German. Right now, I really listen to Avenged Sevenfold, Linkin Park, Three Days Grace, UVERworld, Rie Fu, Utada Hikaru, Orange Range, and Gackt.
I'm the kind of person who, at times, gets so lost in thought... I'll look right at you, but won't see you at all. And, lately, I've been trying to figure out what to do with myself, what it all means, and whether or not I should just give up, y'know? Sometimes life feels like an exercise in futility, like nothing at all matters, and I should give up, but there's something in me... something telling me not to. Kinda like I have someone on my side, even when I'm all alone, with no one beside me. As Sick Puppies put it, "Welcome to my world, where everyone I ever need always ends up leaving me alone."
Recently, someone changed my life, made me... happy. I don't want to go back, but it just... hurts. There was a kind of... warmth I had never felt, like no matter what happened, everything would be great, y'know? The warm feeling is all but gone... I'm slipping slowly into how I used to be, how I swore I'd never be again. I keep finding myself saying things I thought I had control over, that I never thought I'd hear come from my mouth again... Just, please do me a favor, and never ask me if I'm ok. Even if I say I am, I'm probably lying.
One of my friends used to tell me "You can't trust nice people. You ARE nice, but you're different... You have a hint of darkness, which tells me you're sincere in how you are."
Light with a twist of darkness... That does seem to sum me up kinda well... Though, lately, it just feels like the darkness is... well, stronger, more distinct at times... And I keep hoping I'll find someone who'll help me, who'll make me be at peace, but no one ever shows up. Will I be consumed by my inner darkness? Will my light fade away into nothingness? I don't want to become the old me again, but I might have no choice... I never used to trust anyone, but no one ever hurt me... I just... want someone... who, and for what, I don't know... but I know that, whoever they are, I need them... Every day, I feel myself slipping, losing my grip on everything I've accomplished, and surrendering to instinct over all else, and that is the instinct of self-preservation. If you keep someone at arm's length, they can't stab you in the back... Deep down, I know in my heart that I probably won't find who I need... but without hope, what else do I really have..? Although, the saying goes "Hope is wasted on the hopeless....."