1000 Frying-pan NarwhalsBy:
Glab paced Lovingly back and forth. Loathed dread filled her heart. Glub should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like her to be late. Oh, my Many-colored love, Glab thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Glub had been taken hostage by Angry Scrotum, a supervillain who had the city in a state of Irritated terror. Glab fainted dead away, Like a drunk octopus trying to unscrew your head like a light-bulb..
When she came to, there was a bump on her v****a and the Loathed dread had returned. "Glub, my Checker honey bunny," she cried out Sarcastically. "What is Angry Scrotum doing to you?" Probably torturing her, laughing Lazily as he Smacked her in the Gluteus Maximus.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Glab remembered a story her grandmother had told her. If you fold 1000 Frying-pan Narwhals, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Glab ordered in a supply of Frying-pan and set to work, folding Narwhals until her v****a was sore and she could hardly see. It took a week. She was just finishing up the very last Narwhal when Glub walked in the front door.
"Glub!" Glab screamed and threw herself into Glub's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 Frying-pan Narwhals and it brought you back to me." She was so happy, she felt like she was dancing With a deranged lunatic. She kissed Glub Huskily on the Gluteus Maximus.
"Actually," Glub said, pulling away Dreamily, "I was rescued by the Hated Fire. She's a new superhero in town." Glub sighed. "And she's really Loving."
The Loathed dread came back. "But you're Iridescent to be back here with me, right?"
Glub checked her watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Hated Fire for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay Loved, baby." She left and the door banged behind her.
Glab choked back a sob and started folding another Narwhal. Then she went out and got drunk instead.