About

Well...yeah...I know (reffering to all who know me and live in a 15 mi radius of me) that most of my friends know why I've been depressed for the last 3 weeks something like that, the others who don't know might as well tell, yeah that's right my girlfriend broke up with me, ...basically in all the last four months before she broke up with me were the happiest I've had in my whole life.

at first I kept thinking, this is just a bad dream...I'll wake up soon...days went by I knew this wasn't a dream, so I stayed in a permanent state of depression that won't leave...I found out that while I'm depressed it'll also cause other people to be depressed and annoyed...so I prentended to be happy for 2 weeks till this friday (2/24) It just...I couldn't hold it in any longer...I felt like I was dying, that I was alone, and I just started crying...what's worse in front of my friends who I never wanted them to see me in that state, I prayed to God for death to come and take me away...but it didn't come.

I always told myself "There's nothing here for me, I'm a failure"...always insulting myself...which is why I think is a reason why she broke up with me. I never wanted to hurt her...I didn't think I could ever...but I guess I did...now..I just wish I could turn back time, make everything right....but then I realize that I'd mess up again in the future.

Before everyday I'd wake up thinking about her, my first exactly, and I'm not lying would either be: "I'm so lucky! I'm with Hannah!" "I wonder how she slept" "I hope she has a wonderful day", the I'd come home and talk to her on the phone discussing her day, though I never sounded happy I was..I really was.
Now, not a second in the day goes by without me thinking about her..missing her, I don't sleep, in all I sleep added up 16-19 hours a week, I damage myself constantly now...and here I am every day..every second waiting by the phone for her.

I have a feeling that most people's reaction to this page will be "omg!! Emo!!"...well you know what before you make your retarded comment take a walk in the life of a "depressed person" that's what I am...not emo, "Oh!...but why are you so depressed??"
well..I don't think it matters but at this point nothing does...:
I lost her, My Family hate/are ashamed of me, I bring most of my friends down, My Whole entire family (really does) hate me (uncle, aunts, grandmothers etc...), I lost her..., I lost family, I don't believe in myself*, I'm mostly a failure in alot of things I do*,...I lost her...
*: caused by depression

Right now I just want to say my apologies...

To my Family:..(Mom, Dad)...I'm sorry, sorry I couldn't be the perfect son you wanted, when you called me an accident and said you meant it and wished I was dead...I knew that some of the...decisions I made would be the right one.
(rest of family in Peru) ....I'm sorry I couldn't be like my bro either...sorry that you had to be burdened with me. I don't see why you hate me or called me a curse but I'm sorry.
(To Jairo) you're the perfect brother anyone could ask for, you did favors, you cared for me, you were an awesome brother, I'm sorry I couldn't live up to your name...maybe now mom and dad can pay attention to you more.

To my friends (all): I'm sorry my friends...for not always being there, for bringing most of you down, and hurting you and driving you away...I'll always remember all of you, you made my life perfect.

....To Hannah the women I love: well...Hannah..no I'm not mad at you, like I told you "It's the best decision you'll make"...I'm sorry I wasn't the perfect boyfriend, or that I couldn't protect you, or that I never sounded happy to talk to you and fighted with you...I was always happy with you, ...I was...I love you I always said that, I wish I could've done more so you can have the perfect life you really deserve.
please..just know this...even before October 7 2005 I loved with all my heart, and now I still Love you Hannah with every breath I take, the love grows stronger for you, I love you

...no this isn't a suicide note,just for those who are wondering

I love you Hannah...<3

((Wow! you actually read this good for you! d=))

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Avten

Report | 08/27/2007 12:12 am

Avten

cookies!!! User Image
[.Sunshine.]

Report | 07/12/2007 5:24 pm

[.Sunshine.]

PLEASE READ THIS WHOLE POST. IT'S SO DANG TRUE











1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.































2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.































3.The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.















































4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.







































5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep



6. You mean the world to someone.











7. If not for you, someone may not be living.







8. You are special and unique.















9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.















10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.



















11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.











12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.



















13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.























14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.























15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.











Add this as a comment to ten of your friends tonight and at midnight your true love will find you. Something good will happen to you at 2:25 tomorrow. Get ready for the biggest shock of your life. Whoever breaks this chain letter will be cursed with 10 relationship problems for the next ten years tag ur it!! this is so scary!!! send this to 15 ppl in the next 143 min. and then press F6 and your crushes name will appear in big letters!! it is so scary because it works.... but if you break the chain.. you will be cursed w/ relationship problems
MausoleumDweller

Report | 06/15/2007 2:56 pm

MausoleumDweller

Random Comment <3
Ninja Jiyu

Report | 11/14/2006 1:05 pm

Ninja Jiyu

hey
redBLOODcellDUDE

Report | 06/22/2006 9:04 am

redBLOODcellDUDE

kool avi... good luck with hannah
D Dr. dan

Report | 03/01/2006 5:16 pm

D Dr. dan

Lonzo, you arent a failure. Dont be sorry for anything. You were the perfect boyfriend. You treated me like royalty...I just cant explain it. I'm sorry I havent called in forever. I'm just so out of it lately....

love ya..
D Dr. dan

Report | 01/22/2006 7:42 pm

D Dr. dan

It's my one and only boyfriend!

<3
D Dr. dan

Report | 01/18/2006 6:26 pm

D Dr. dan

='D so random, I so love it. Lol you somehow fit Hoobastank, that one anime I can't spell, and "I Love Hannah" in there. Good job! ^^ I love you soooooo much!!! I sowwy I couldnt look at it sooner. Meg finally let me use her laptop for a few seconds. I had to beg her all night ^^'' lol yeah I've been writing notes to you...and that's about it. Hopefully I can call you tonight. I doubt I will. I don't wanna get caught. I love you soooooooooooooo much. Guess what? We've been going out for 104 days. Yup. I counted. =D lol I love you!!!!

Infinite x's and o's
Jessie_rulz

Report | 01/16/2006 4:57 pm

Jessie_rulz

Yo! my Shnigga!, my Peep and home boy =P
Had fun in Florida! Hope to see you again in the near future! see ya man.
~Always Jessie G.
D Dr. dan

Report | 01/14/2006 11:41 am

D Dr. dan

I Love You.