You might be feeling like this now, but it'll get better. I used to think of the same things all of the time, believe me. I'm not just pushing off anything as if it doesn't matter. But the fact that you have these emotions, the fact that you forced yourself to stay in bed, means you know that there is a better option. You are holding onto the last threads for dear life and you will make it, trust me. Anti depressants can help but not fully. You need to change the way you are thinking and that will take time. Do me one simple favor. Some time, when ever you think about it, go up to a mirror and say ONE positive thing about yourself. It can be the tiniest thing in the world, or the biggest thing in the world. Just ONE comment on anything.
And don't apologize for filling up my comments, I'm glad to talk to you darling.