Reid shuffled back into the living room, rubbing his eyes and running a hand through his hair, looking frazzled. He stopped at the foot of the couch and looked up with pursed lips. He was still on the verge of tears but he sniffled indignantly, as if attempting to pull himself together.
"I forgot my coke." He stated simply and then grabbed the bottle off the table. He then made to walk away but stopped himself.
"Hotch." He bit his lip, turning away. "I know you're right. I know it's the wrong choice and I'm confused..."
"But... for once. Can't I just have what I want?" But even as he said it, he wouldn't look at Hotch, because he already knew what the answer was.
Reid's eyes widened as he listened, feeling his heart sink into his stomach. He let go of his legs, letting them fall back onto the floor so that he was sitting upright and he wobbled a little in place as if the impact of his mentors words had actual weight. "Y-you're right." He breathed out in a scratchy voice, eyes watering. "My god, you're right..." he leaned forward and put a hand to his mouth, biting hard on his knuckle as the tears spilled down his face. One then two, then he wiped them away hurriedly.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. I don't... thank you, H-hotch." He fretted for a moment, not knowing what to do before standing suddenly. "I-I should go. I need to go." he decided out loud. "I'm sorry, thank you, sorry-" And then he made towards the door, fiddling with the doorknob before rushing outside and to his car.
Reid listened carefully, tongue tucked into the side of his cheek in a worrying way, occasionally nodding. "Right right, but here's the thing-" he was saying as Jack came down, and paused to listen to the boy. Hearing that Hotch's girl is on her way back he panicked thinking his time is suddenly cut short. "But. Hotch." He starts again, craning his neck to make sure Jack is back up the stairs. "Hotch I know why she's calling! She's been calling every night for two weeks each time..." his voice went up in pitch a few decibels. "She asks for sex. First it was phone sex- I had to hang up on her, but then, then she kept saying she wanted to see me. I couldn't talk her out of it. I think... I think she might have been drinking..."
He gulped. eyes to the floor. "I know it's wrong, wrong to take advantage of that but... Hotch, I'm thirty."
"What? Hotch, no... no[/i.] I wouldn't ask you to do that for me... I-" He let out a harsh sigh. "I do feel that way, but, If I don't want to tell her no it's because... well because I don't want to tell her no." He turned away and pulled his knees up on the couch, wrapping his arms around him. "I really liked lila. I always imagined what would happen if I had called her back then. And despite what happened with Maeve-" his voice broke a little. "I still want to know..." He swallowed back the tears but his expression was a crumpled mess of grief.
He looked at Hotch, wide-eyed. "What if this is my last chance to be happy?"
Reid felt his lips go thin and his eyebrows knit as he took a seat on the couch, relenting to tell Hotch everything. He would guess anyway, he was good like that. And now that this whole can of worms was open, there'd be no shutting it. If Reid *didn't* tell hotch, then hotch would tell J.J. and J.J. would tell Garcia and Emily and soon he'd have three worried females knocking on his apartment door, for what might be and probably was nothing.
Reid took a breath. "H-Hotch you remember a long time ago when Gideon and I went to L.A. and I met that girl...." He licked his lips. "Lila. S-she's staying in DC this weekend, it turns out and... she's been calling me." He took another breath and gave a meaningful look at Hotch, willing him to understand. He had really loved Lila for the short time he had known her. After Maeve... he didn't think he'd ever feel that way again- but now all those feelings were instantly resurfacing.
But it had only been a couple of months and he felt incredibly guilty. And that wasn't even the half of things.