Lunatone, I struggle so much with liking myself. I really find it hard to believe that I'm likable at all...
so having wonderfully nice people like you to talk to? It makes me feel happy yet I feel undeserving.
I had a minor panic attack at work last night and a male coworker told me he got it covered up front so I could compose myself in the bathroom.
Then he told me that I was a genuine person and people really didn't treat him well all the time. He said he just figured everyone would judge him
cause he was on probation or something. IDK.
The guy has a 4 month old. He sang his son to sleeppppp before coming to work cause his son was sick. And he tried to get his shift covered so he could be there with him.
Which is so much more of a loving gesture than I give people but he continued to tell me there weren't many people like me.
And that the world needed them.
And it's just... I am suicidally biased? Like I think about methods all the time to off myself. Not with any intent to commit them, but
like a hobby of a masochistic psycho, I just think of ways to die.
And yet I keep being praised for being nice -
and not just by him.
And sometimes it just really super hits me and is super effective and makes me at a loss for words.
Sorry for posting on your prof with this but my PMs are closed off cause I've been suffering major anxiety lately and
the smallest s**t triggers a jump in heart rate speeds. I just needed to get this out.