It's been 6 years.
I started this account for someone. Someone who I fell deeply in love with, and never out of. Someone who bore more pain than you could ever imagine to love a monster like myself. I gave her my heart. I gave her my soul.
And now she's gone.
I have no clue where. I have no clue how she's doing. But if our last talk was pure honesty, she still loves me.
Even if that was true, I don't deserve her.
I didn't love her. I loved what she could be. I loved a fictitious work. Not the real
woman who showed me she cared. Not the real
woman I fought for. Not the real
woman I cried myself to sleep for years for.
Now I have nothing.
Concussions and repressed memories ravage my past.
My lack of drive - of love - blocks my future.
All I have is the present. And at this present moment in time, I have nothing.
No drive, no past, no future, no heart, no soul, no job, nothing. Nothing except tears and regrets.
I doubt anyone will ever see this, but... thank you for taking your time to read it.
And if you're that special someone I lost a long time ago...
I'm still a monster, and I'm still an idiot. And I'm still waiting.