Hello people who are viewing this. Let's start this "About Me" junk okay?
-Takes out folded paper from pocket-
I'm quite the shy and timid type of person, but people would mistaken that for me being mad, which I'm not. I was always told that life is too short to hate or be mad at someone, but that's hard for me if I'm going to be hated in return. Even if they did something shouldn't be forgiven about, but it's okay because I still end up talking in the end.
I'm not perfect, nor was I ever perfect.
I'm stubborn, and if you know me in real, then you know it's true.
I like and don't like to be left alone. But I know it will always happen in some way or another.
I sometimes feel like I've been cursed through out my life so far because everything I do ends up being wrong.
I love people, but I've been pressured into believing that I'm heartless, or I have no heart by others..., but I know it's not true.
I was told to look forward into tomorrow, but I never do.
Even though I might laugh or smile, or even have no expression on my face. It doesn't mean I'm okay. 88% of the time I'm not, but I don't want to be a burden and show it all the time.
When I cry, I just want to be hugged and told things will be okay, but that doesn't happen anymore. So I must suck it up and hug myself.
Even when someone tells me things will be okay, I never will believe until it actually happens.
I wish to have my theory of the sentence "Everything will be alright" wrong. Cause I want to believe those words, but it's hard when I'm always being put down, or being looked down upon.
I would kill to let someone hear about my problems, cause I've listened others. But it's not about the person whose listening , it's about if they can understand how I've actually been feeling throughout the years I've felt so bad. To know what I've been dealing with for so long. long I have people around me, but in actuality I'm alone. No one wants me, and I've gotten use to that fact.
I've been hurted plenty of times, ...and I've hurted others as well. Not physically, but emotionally. I've just been hurt emotionally and mentally, and I still do to this very day.
I care for people, but I just want to be cared in returned. It's hard because I'm always saying something wrong, I'm always doing something wrong. I'm a wrong person, but god dammit,...no one does anything right anymore. So why must I suffer?! I suffer because I made you suffer? I've been suffering for years, so how could you just say that?! I couldn't get through a month without crying or being in pain!
I didn't even get a chance to fully live life, and I'm already feeling tired, exhausted, grueling!
Everyone laugh at the hurtful things people say, when they're being directed to me. Why...just why?
Every single day is always the same. When the sun come up, and when it goes down...I'm always alone, I'm always sad (even when it doesn't seem like I am), I'm always hurt, I hurt people without myself even knowing it , I hurt myself, I'm always confused about my life, I'm always lost in thought about what should I do or where should go.
Even though I may be alone, it will make me stronger in the end and I'll show the scars on my heart to prove it. I'm not protected from the hurt that's being put on to me, but I'll sure as hell protect the one that's the next target for the same thing that's happening to me.
I admit I need help, I admit I'm alone, and I admit I've done wrong....but don't pressure that fact on me if I already know it.
I'm trying so hard, just so hard not to listen to people that messed me up. I'm trying so hard not to be tempted into things I actually don't want. I'm also trying to keep my sanity. Some days I wonder if I still have it, it so I'll just slap myself and remind me that I'm still sane....but I know I'm on the edge of completely cracking in some way or another. I want things to go back to normal, but that's not going to happen in a long time. All I'm really saying about myself is that. I want someone to be there to make me feel better, and help me through this awful feeling. I need understanding, I.....I....I just need help getting away from the voices of the wrong. I just keep running without knowing where I'm going. It's the only way I can get away from the madness. I can't stop until it stop. When will it? Even I don't know. That's why I basically need help looking for the answers.
-crumbles paper back into pocket,and steps off stage- XD hehehe, figure that out if you think you know what I mean XD