Some people are like slinkies... Completely useless but fun to watch fall down the stairs...
The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
I wonder who the first person was who looked at a cow and said: "I'll just pull those dangly things and see what comes out, and then drink it."
Education is important; school, however, is another matter.
I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck, my friends, for I may not return alive.
Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drinking my water!
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
Everything here is eatable. Even I'm eatable, but that, my children, is called cannibalism, and is frowned upon in most societies.
The trouble with real life is that there's no background music.
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
I used to have a handle on life; then it broke.
I used to be indecisive... but now I'm not so sure...
Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality.
Officer, I swear to Drunk I am not God!
I'm sorry, you can't be like me. They ran out of awesome.
Well, SOMEBODY had a bowl of FAIL FLAKES for breakfast!
This "normal" you speak of doesn't sound fun at all.
And may I add: MWA-HA-HA.
Poison? Oh, no, silly. It's just pirate juice~
I think, therefore I PWN.
LOOK! A distraction!!!!
I see you're playing stupid again. (Looks like you're winning too.)
That's absurd! ...I'm loving it.
I don't hate you! I just won't be sad when you die.
You think I'm... SARCASTIC? >gasp> Watch me pretend to care.
Please ignore the many idiotic things that come out of my mouth.
AWESOMESAUCE: It tastes like me.
I would be a morning person if it did not start so early.
ALWAYS be yourself... unless you suck.
Late? It's barely 3 AM!
I know KARATE... and like two other Japanese words.
I can't hear you! It's too dark in here.
Don't look at me with that tone of voice!
INSANE doesn't even begin to cover it.
I fail so epically at life, I almost win.
Sometimes I wish my mouth had a backspace key...
Oh, good morning. (I see the assassins have failed...)
Without ME you're just AWESO
I didn't slap you. I high-fived your face.
Growing old is obligatory. Growing up is optional.
I'm too tired to slap you. Bash your face against my palm.