0: Hi. I am not experiencing any pain at all. I don't know why I'm even here.
1: I am completely unsure whether I am experiencing pain or itching or maybe I just have a bad taste in my mouth.
2: I probably just need a Band Aid.
3: This is distressing. I don't want this to be happening to me at all.
4: My pain is not ******** around.
5: Why is this happening to me??
6: Ow. Okay, my pain is super legit now.
7: I see Jesus coming for me and I'm scared.
8: I am experiencing a disturbing amount of pain. I might actually be dying. Please help.
9: I am almost definitely dying.
10: I am actively being mauled by a bear.
11: Blood is going to explode out of my face at any moment.
I HATE spiders.
Spiders are like little pieces of death wrapped in scary. Even if a spider was like
This is how I think of spiders...
Too Serious For Numbers: You probably have ebola. It appears that you may also be suffering from Stigmata and/or pinkeye.
I'm fighting a war. A war against spiders.
Every night before bed, I check my sheets
for them, shoe in hand, ready to brutally
end their lives with way more force than
necessary. Sometimes I find one and even
if I kill it, I still can't go to sleep
because it confirmed my fear that sometimes
there are spiders waiting in my bed for me.
I used to pretend that I wasn't
afraid of spiders. It made me
feel cool - like I was braver
than most people. If someone
called me on my bluff and asked
me to dispose of a spider, I
would put on my battle-face and do
my best to get rid of it without
letting the panic bubble to the
I don't pretend anymore.