i was raised by a woman, who abused me, i didnt know my father till i was nine.
i basically raised my self since i was 5 years old.
my mother gave my little brother anything he every wanted.
i got beat if i asked for a piece of candy. she would leave me alone in a house with no food or water, just sink water, while her and her husband went to las vegas for a weekend while my little brother and step brother went to their other parents house (me and my brother have different dads). as i got older it got a lil better i met my father when i was nine and he would take me some weekends while she was gone, but he has soooo many children that i slept on the floor with just a sheet no pillow or anything, cold, and in my day clothes. he made me eat food i disliked very much. and he didn't care, so as i got older i stopped going over there, but at my mothers there was never food or anything, so i had to get any money i could get, at the gas station near my home i was known as the quarter queen for always paying in quarters, and other change.
when i hit around 14-15 my mom finally would give me 5-20 bucks to get stuff for the week or weekend while she was gonna.
i had no friends, they all used me for money and for everything else.
the only people i can call my friends are John Dean, and Austin.
I was in a deep dark depression because my family never cared for me, because the rest of my family knew what my mom did to me and they never helped or cared, they sometimes would treat me the same way.
i made one friend when i was a little kid named luisa, she was my next door neighbor. we were always hanging out and talking, when she hit some hard times with her family, she met one of my "friends" named josh and fell in love.
she dumped and lied to him the reason why she did. when she told me the real reason why over texts he was right next to me and he read it, i did not show him he was looking over my shoulder. he got upset, he was planning on ending his life for awhile, after he read that he did end his life. i was so sad that he did when he had so much potential in life. after awhile she started trying to kill herself, i tried to stop her, she then told everyone that it was MY FAULT and i should be called a murderer. everyone believed her so did my family they all shunned me, as i wasn't shunned enough...
so that made my depression even worse.
i tried ending my life, all failed attempts. i realized after awhile that doing it wasn't the right thing to do, that maybe my life might start getting better. i was 16-17 when i realized this after being depressed all my life.
i got into video games and i would drink and smoke cigs and weed everyday up the street then go home and play video games, i was failing every class, though i am pretty smart of a person, because i didn't care. no one cared what i was doing to my life, not my mom, not my father, not my family, not my friends no one. i cried my self to sleep every night, hoping i would die or life would start getting better.
then i met a guy, after i stopped drinking smoking (sometimes drinking though) and got my s**t back together and got a job, i met him, a nice guy. he became my best friend, and the best thing to happen to me, we would play xbox together all night and talk all night
i realized that i cared for him a lot, he told me he liked me and i told him i didn't, i didn't wanna ruin what we had, but after awhile i said yes. we started dating. it was amazing until the first day we were together he cheated. i cried and cried. nothing can go good can it? nopenopenope, but for some reason i stayed. we fell inlove and we were happy. but after awhile, it wasn't the same, i felt empty, depressed, and realized that i wasn't happy, that the one person who cheated on me did. he is like everyone else. as i got my sad and depressed he didn't care. we barely talked on our anniversary and so on and so on, i finally left him. after i did that i ended up moving to Utah, with my mother's mother. were i got a new job and started new. i met a guy and he was nice and cute, finding out he was gonna date me and another girl until he found out who he wanted. that guy who wanted to date two girls kept trying to have sex with me and spread rumors that i'm just another cali slut, which i only slept with 1 guy and 1 girl. i was sad because i kept telling him NONONO. so then after ahile i was thinking of going back to my ex i fell inlove with, because i was alone, then i met a guy named David. he made me smile and laugh all the time. he didn't want me to feel sad, but he always said to me and everyone else that we are never being more than friends, i was upset, and agreed so he wouldn't know how i felt. until one night while playing video games in his room i was complaining how i was cold. he grabbed me and laid me down with him saying no more being cold! then after awhile he was talking about him being confused and uncertain about a fork in a road and how he didn't know how to deal with it. i stared in confusion wondering if he was saying what i was thinking he was saying, after awhile he said i guess i will go for it. i was about to say what are you talking about when he kissed me and asked me to be his girlfriend, i said yes. i was so happy. someone i finally had so much in common with and had differences with, i think that is the best kinda relationships. we cuddled and i passed out and then i woke up and went to work, with a smile for the first time ever in i don't know in how long. after a few months passed my grandma kicked me with out telling me why. so we moved in together. my mom found out i was becoming happy, and she started making me pay her bills, and is making me pay for her state taxes. and she is making me depressed again, and my bf has three jobs now and i only see him for an hour a day.i need a second job so i can get by.and i have NO FRIENDS at all in utah i only have my bf and i work nights he works days, so i am lonely and on gaia, were my "friends" don't speak to me.
so i'm lonely and depressed and i cry a lot, and i'm sure my bf will find someone better and leave me, until then he is the only thing going good in my life right now.