It's a me Lexi! i am blonde to the last degree. i like being pickied up and spun around while someone is poking my face!
I am a writer by nature, a writers of wrongs, mistress to the macabre and so on and so forth. The works that I'm working on right at the moment are Murder at the Rendezvous.
I am also a reader, I read far too much to tell you some of my favorite books but I shall unleash some of my favorite writers, Agatha Christe, Marianne Curley, James Patterson and William Shakespeare.
I have searched all over the web for funny quotes and labels and this is what I've found.
There will always be three we's
1) we three
2) we the people
And my favorite weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
-On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
-On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
-On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???.....)
-On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
-On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
-On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????....)
-On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?
-On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
-On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness..." (and...I'm taking this because???....)
-On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)?
-On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
-On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
-On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
-On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
-On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
I could've eaten Alphabit soup and crapped out a better essay!!
I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush
"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." -George W. Bush
"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.