Kilos Archleone

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Birthday: 03/04

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About

Well.... There is really not a lot to say about me. Up until two days ago everything was perfect, life was golden-- or so I thought. In the span of a few days I lost the girl I love, lost a few girls I thought of as sister and lost much of who I was before. I also gained perspective. I am flawed. Really, really flawed. I suffocated the girl I loved to the point of affliction, and she left me. I hurt one of the girls I care about with senseless jibes and a childish tantrum. I hurt the other by being.... Like this. Worst part of it it's been happening for a while. So golden? No. It was Gilded

I was paranoid. I had a childish temper. I /was/ a child. I was insecure, paranoid, and by hell, I pushed her away by bein exactly what I had promised not to be: a clingy ********. And even then I was combatted with kindness by her. I was treated with calm by one of my sisters, and fondness by another. I was a fool in a bright light who never noticed how dark things really are. 

By now you, reader, probably went off to grab an anti depressant and wrote me off as a drama queen but I am not telling you this because I want your pity. I am telling you this because it's the truth, and no man should be seen as perfect. I lost 3 people who are very important to me, and I considered leaving, dying off somewhere and waiting for people to forget me but... All three of the girls gave me the most maddening thing: hope.

One did it by telling me bluntly what I tell you now: I was flawed, and said shed get rid of me if she could: she's getting her wish. I will become a new man. I love you. 

Another did it by acknowledging I hurt her with my idiotic words, childish temper, and ignorant mannerisms but told me I could redeem myself by following my word and promises to her. I love you.

The third... Well the third was the girl I called my own. I met her April 17th, and already had a strange, fluttery feeling about her. By two days later I was.... Absolutely smitten. By the 28th I sent her a love letter, and at the end of what seemed to be a horrible wait culminating in her almost quitting a first time... She said I love you. And stayed for me, offering kindness and love no matter what kind of monster I was. After much, much thought i learned that she quit Gaia because i was stifling her, treating her like a caged bird. Every second she was here I demanded attention, like a child... Because I was insecure, afraid to lose her, afraid to loss her love... It was pitiful, and she always will deserve better... I promised her I would change, and she said Hoobastank's The Reason was our song... Now hearing it is like ripping open a bleeding wound that is partially healed. I miss her... You if you read it. But the song will become my profile's song as soon as I figure out how as a reminder of what needs to be. She left me hope by changing her last name to Archleone, wearing all items I gave her, an a marital pendant.... That either says she is leaving me behind or never stop hoping.... But either way that it goes, I will honor you by changing. I can't be the same godforsaken tool I was. I love you, with all my being... And I wish I hadn't realized this all too late.

For the rest of you who trust and followed me and loved and supported me... Thank you. I am a lucky man, I have some of the greatest friends in the world... You're part of the reason I cannot and will not leave. I made you all promises about a better Roleplaying community... One you'll be proud to call home. And as I reforge myself, an almost impossible effort as I once saw, I will reforge this community too.

I will never forget those I did wrong.. Never stop loving them. Always hope, always dream. Never forget, never let go. If I love something I must let it go, and give it the choice to fly free or return to me. And so all 3 of them are free. All three of you, if you care to read, are my predominant reasons to change... But all of you. Every. Single. One.  Are a part of it.

Thank you for reading it all guys... And for you three, I will do you proud.

With love,

Francesco/Kilos

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Velexic Report | 07/08/2012 8:06 am
Velexic
Nice jazz hat, Kilos. ~Chuckles~ Very fancy.
Crimyri Report | 06/25/2012 3:38 pm
Crimyri
Thanks for the purchase! biggrin
Irmordis Safi Report | 06/04/2012 9:30 am
Irmordis Safi
*she walks in and leaves a red rose with a note on the comments desk, staring at it a long time before walking off*

I will always wear the flower you gave me in my hair... It is the most beautiful thing I own. And nothing else has come closer to touching my heart.
Xx Kitten Bree Hiyuu xX Report | 05/19/2012 5:04 am
Xx Kitten Bree Hiyuu xX
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zB2gPZRsz0Q
^Seems fitting seeing as how I am your grandchild, and the baby of the group. <3 -Snuggles.- I know little of what has happened behind the scences more so from bliss I think than it actually being hidden, and even though I am new to this amazing group of people I am trying to slip in a blend in and share the love I have for everyone. I know I get slightly inpatient when waiting for replies but I try to not bug you. Teehee ^-^ , You have helped me through so much already, I simply wish to return the favor. Not many would stick around for a little one they don't know all that well and have yet to get super close to.(Or stick around for their amnesia. Be super caring when they need it, or put them self out on the line when they don't have to just to protect them.) You truly are one of the more caring men in the world, believe me you know about my history with guys. I have quickly come to trust and love you on a family level and wish to only strengthen that with you and all of my new friends. I know I am not an adult, and you will probably never see me that way, but I am just as loving and caring as any little girl has and can ever be. With that being said, though you have so many you trust and can go to for better advice and all, if you ever need a little boost of love or a little pick me up or just a dose of sunshine or even just someone to make you feel important and special I'm always here for you. ( Ask Sammi I'm still here for him despite quite a bit of bs.) Just remember when you feel lost and alone in the world just know no matter where you go Lil Bree will always love her Grandpa Tree. Te amo mucho Abuelo <33 heart
Final Saph Report | 05/16/2012 11:40 am
Final Saph
Listen here, you.

We've talked quite a lot and you know more about me then nearly everyone (except Nicky [Ceric], who I tell almost everything to) and I trust you to keep the personal s**t a secret. I don't want it spread around. It's my issues and you damn well know that. You know of my grandma's condition, why I stay up crying for hours, or even days, unable to even think. You know dark secrets that I've kept hidden for years like Lyn. You know that I'm a Bottler. And as you know about me, I know about you. I know of the fights you've been in, the way you stick up for those you care for, the way you'd protect a woman without hesitation. I know of the hospital trips you've taken for wounds that you didn't deserve but took anyways, of the way you took charge of a large community, single-handedly mind all, to get peace back when it was so desperately needed.

You may have not hurt me physically, but you destroyed several things between us with those idiotic words of yours: My respect for you, my trust in you and the friendship between us. I don't expect you to earn them back quickly, of that I'm sure of given how hard it is to obtain my respect and trust. I do not EVER want a repeat of the other day on Skype. I dislike crying and you know that.

But anyways. You know my opinion on all this and how I'm going to hold you to your words. You probably recall our LONG conversation over Skype, when I was pissed the other day. Yeah. I expect better behavior from now on. I expect you to man up now, no more of this childishness.

The Kilos I once knew was not a child and that's all I've seen currently. I'm supposed to be the childish one yet I handled all of this like an adult while you threw a tantrum, aside from my exploding on you on Skype. For that, I apologize, but it was necessary to make you understand how you are hurting people.

You have no clue as to how FAR you've hurt people, to the extent you've delivered. You have no clue of the anger I had to control because of our little conversations. You weren't aware of how many tears I've shed because of you.

But Frank... please, don't ever assume I hate you. I can't hate the ones I've loved, no matter how much they've hurt me.. even if they ripped my heart out and stomped on it.

Now! Enough of this. I've said far too much and I've wasted my breath, patience and emotions on this. No more of this wounded puppy business, mk? I expect a different man soon, one I can be proud to call my brother again.

We'll see if you can fill that cup again.

[ Rachel - Saph ]
Verlobt Report | 05/16/2012 10:06 am
Verlobt
Francesco, I would listen to Saul's words wisely. I myself had even been in a similar situation in real life, of all things. I'm not going to get into it as this isn't about me; It's about you. All I can say is look to those who you see close. Even if there comes a time where the world is just crashing down on you, remember that there is always hope no matter what everything looks like it to be at the time. On my facebook under my quotation's section I have a few things that I feel may increase your hope. -- "With every heartbeat / Never forget." "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly." - Proverb "If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with." ‚ÄúLoneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.‚ÄĚ - Henry Rollins "We all hope. It's what keeps us alive." - David Mamet "Sometimes the greatest things in life are left unseen. But they could also be unseen because you haven't looked hard enough." I always find myself coming to re-read these sayings whenever I feel like I have nothing and they always give me that little push that I need to keep going. Don't forget what you had. Look at what you do have that's keeping you going. Imagine what you could have in the future.

I know I may not be the best to talk to for advice and such . . I always end up saying something that is taken the wrong way . . Or I come off as I don't care in general . . But please know if you need someone to talk to I will be around here and there when I can be, so feel free to contact me if you ever wish and I will do my best to listen, rather than speak.

-- Hayley.
LappeI du vide Report | 05/16/2012 9:17 am
LappeI du vide
I know I have no place talk among the masses, who will seek to comfort you. Seeing as you and I have just recently begin our journey into friendship. Yet, all the same upon reading your words. I know all to well at where you stand. While change is possible, there are beautiful things in you Kilos that I hope you keep with you. I will make you the same offer you bestowed upon me. I am here for you, to listen. To be a shoulder if you should need it. I am not always the best with comforts, but I am always here. And I will stand by you as your friend to whatever end this change will bring you. I wish you the best.

-Alice.
Nikasterrific Report | 05/16/2012 8:21 am
Nikasterrific
I know, there are few of us who aren't that close. But after reading this, I understand what you're going through, it's helped me see things in a somewhat clearer perspective. Just know that if you ever need anything, someone to talk to, help with anything at all. I'm here. I wish you the best of luck and honestly, I'm glad you've decided to stay. Let me know if there's anything I can do.

Vani/Nikole.
0HK0 Report | 05/16/2012 7:02 am
0HK0
With that being said - what'cha gonna do now buddy?
Amos Aeturnum Report | 05/16/2012 6:43 am
Amos Aeturnum
I read your profile. I don't know all in all what to say about it, so I'll just say what's on my mind. Make sure that she is worth it. She is a great woman, I know that much. And I'm quite certain the other two you care for are too. If your heart and mind say to do this, then do so and I will help you in any way that I can, even if it's just to vent to me. But...You aren't the only man who had to change. I lost a woman that was my world at one point. I cared a lot for her. Fell for her quite fast too. Thought I put her through everything, but in the end I simply...Lost her. I lost her and I couldn't so much as speak to her because of the isolation she forced upon me. I'd message her, I'd see her around, she'd avoid me completely. I was sick to my stomach just by thinking of her. I was sick. Emotionally and literally. I couldn't eat. My sleeping was worse than ususal. All I did was cry. Many people I cared for also were against me, even though they won't admit it. It killed me. I felt I had the whole world against me. The reasons? I'd rather not say, for it was part of the old me that I thought I had changed. You know how the old me was. You and I are both disgusted by that. So. I lost her. And it hit me. I was a horrible person. Rei, my ex, she won't admit it. But she will admit that I have hurt her. And I don't deserve the chance she was going to give me, despite the fact that there are two sides to this. I've owned up and will continue to. Frank, you are not alone. But...For me, there is a good side. While I didn't change myself for her, I....Realized how much I loved another and how deep I was in love with her. Kerae Nightfang, also known as Kia. You might know her. She...I have to say, is one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. She's...Someone I cannot be without. She gave me the strength to better myself, Frank. Change...It can be done. It really can, just as long as your lover isn't forcing you to change. She told me from the beginning she loved me the way I was, right there, before I even changed. And she still is here. She gave me the power to better myself. I'm still doing so, so I hope you don't hate me too much. But, this is what it is. You aren't the only one recognizing your faults, changing yourself. I understand completely. The situation is different, but when it comes down to it...I know that feeling. And you won't be alone. I promise you that.

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