Your very right, Thank you kaz. I did that today at work to, i just went numb. Im still very numb. And im very worried about things on top of this as well. Things im worried if i make a wrong move or hesitate, ill ruin them. Even in this time of pain i need to continue to be a man of action, That your absolutely right about and i thank you for reminding me.
Your also correct as to what i should be doing right now, which is distracting myself. Im incapable of thinking right now, And im no good to anyone like that. I need to get my s**t together, suck it up, and take care of whats important to me.
Kazza i want to run away from your words so badly right now. you have no idea whats going on, But you must be right if what your saying is causing me to feel like this. When i say i don't know what to do though, i mean, i ******** REALLY don't know what to do. I could handle this if that wasn't going on, and vise versa. This is the point in my life, where i'm realizing not having any friends to call when something is terribly wrong is a very very bad thing. I shouldn't of been so antisocial for so long, i don't know how to handle things now. I thought i really did, but in this moment i know i was wrong AGAIN. Its really hard to be confident when you know you've been wrong about so much
I don't think i need either of those to be honest. I haven't been able to cry once about this since i found out last night.
Now all i want is the roller coaster to end, i want all the other things going on to come to their plateau now that everything has climaxed.
Im so lost in thought and emotion. The bombardment of relentless mood sways and irrationality, the shifts to my situation that are so far out of my control.
Everythings so far from my control, so little i can do. Theres nothing i understand how to do. The only person i trust my heart to, the heart i place mine in for warmth and stability. I don't know whats there right now and im afraid.
Theres so much i fear now, So many things I don't understand but feel so strongly about. How do i go forward from here? Whats next? What step do i make? A crossroads is one thing, but I feel like I'm on a Malaysian super highway with a billion exits to nowhere