Yeah ....the only thing this BC does is stops me from bleeding so much like I used to and I don't get cramps anymore.
But it makes my horomones worse...and I go Coo Coo for Cocopuffs lol
We were deciding to do just that.....but we will see what happens.
For now, Im not going to communicate with him everyday....and I think Im going to wait until he messages me first....its been me messaging him for the past couple of months...I need to back off
I didn't want to give up, its just hard to me right now.....
Considering Im pmsing right now pretty hard its just really not easy for me.
I really need to go to the doctor about my birth control pill, it isnt helping with my horomone levels.....I get very emotional still and I break out a lot....
We want it to work....but we both believe that now isnt the time....although I wish it was...because I miss him a lot. And i mean A LOT! (emotionally and sexually) emotion_sweatdrop
He believes that we need to wait a year...and that I need to get my life in order. I still need to get my lisence and decide what to go back to school for.....ugh i hate life. But I have to deal with it soon...
I know that I sometimes create the drama......but thats something I blame on my pmsing, bc Im normally pretty level headed until that time of month.
I have to...because I cheated on him :/
Which was entirely stupid, I was tricked and I wish I never did it. That was the reason we initially broke up, because I did that....but I wanted him back because i realized the guy i was cheating with was just using me and didnt really care about me....I found out that he was seeing a lot of other girls....he lied to me and made me think i was special, but it was all a bunch of bull crap.
Larry always cared about me, always wanted the best for me....and I did that to him which was unforgivable.
And I told him thats none of his business to butt in to their drama, I told him that its not his problem to fix - they have to do that themselves, but he says theyre his closest friends and that they are part of the group he hangs out with. People have told him its his problem too and that he has to try and fix it, which I think is total bull s**t to be honest. He understood at first, but then he said that I was acting selfish because I was worried that he was going to end up with one of those girls. Whatever if Im slightly jealous, I wasnt worried about that too much, more like trying to tell him that he shouldn't get into their problem.
Although...I wanted to still be with him, its never going to happen.....He still has nightmares because of my mistake....and even though he said he has forgiven me for it, he isnt healed and wont be healed for a long time....which I see that as a reason to just leave....
We still talked everyday....we still love each other...but I love him enough to leave him alone.....because he doesnt need me around
We are.....but I feel that I cant heal properly with whats going on.
I still love him, he still loves me....but the problem is that ive been lying to people saying that we are still together when we weren't. He wont be with me until I prove myself to him and his family...which I have no way of doing that because the way he see's proof is if I suddenly move up there and pretty much beg for him back from him and his family....which idk if I can do that. Im broke as hell.
And then something happened within his group of friends recently and its affecting me because the problem is that two girls like him and are kind of fighting and he says he has to stop the problem.
I dont feel comfortable with the whole situation, knowing that there are people closer to him that like him.....I know that I can trust him, but it made me feel self conscious and stupid.
I just feel like Im wasting my time trying to fix something when nothing might ever happen again.....and i hate myself right now