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Johannes Cabal's avatar

Location: On the Run

Occupation: Necromancer

The Crimes of Johannes Cabal

Johannes Cabal and the Blustery Day (Short Story)

Exeunt Demon King
(Short Story)

The Ereshkigal Working (Short Story)

Johannes Cabal the Necromancer (Novel)

The House of Gears (Short Story)

Johannes Cabal the Detective (Novel)

The Death of Me (Short Story)

Ouroboros Ouzo (Short Story)

Johannes Cabal the Fear Institute (Novel)


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Armed and Dangerous


Biography of a Necromancer

Imagine, if you will, dear visitor: A pale tow-headed man of about six feet tall, in his late twenties, dressed sensibly in black from head to toe. He carries with him a Gladstone bag, containing, among other things, the following: a set of precise surgical scalpels, his late father's silver matchbox, what appears to be a padded case that contains various elixers and potions from his experimentations, a switchblade, whatever tome he's stolen from a private collection, and most certainly, a Webley .577 revolver. Various exotic tokens and ritualistic devices can often be found in his bag as well.

He speaks in a British manner, but has a faint Teutonic accent. If you were able, perchance, to get a glimpse of his eyes beyond his smoke-tinted glasses, you would find them to be blue. But if you were to look past the color, you might, at times, find them to be tired, sharp, or most distressingly, absolutely soulless.

Johannes Cabal is the main character of the same named series by author Jonathan L. Howard. A scientist who studies the illegal art of Necromancy in a world similar to ours, past adventures include: Stopping the zombie apocalypse; staying in on a rather dreary day; running an evil carnival to gather 100 wayward souls for Satan in return for his own, with the assistance of his vampire brother Horst; solving a series of political murders to stop a war caused by a power hungry military. He approaches life with the philosophy that death is mankind's greatest enemy (well, besides its own stupidity.) He's willing to do anything to achieve his goals, whatever the cost, be it blood, money, or his own soul.

The Necromancer, Himself


As you wish.

One Johannes Cabal, necromancer (of some little infamy,) detective, blasphemer, grave pilferer, carnival proprietor, and overall, a lying, cheating b*****d.
(In the sense of the insult; My father was an upstanding gentleman, if you will.)

Hates: I don't hate, I have extreme dis-likings.

Dislikes: Small children, large children, elderly people, revenants who refuse to co-operate, mobs, angry villagers, angry relatives of the recently deceased, getting stuck in timeless dimensions, Leonie Barrow, killing, being forced to kill, people generally in my way, political intrigue, demons with nothing better to do than whine at me, Horst's similies (Why. Why are they always sexual?) carnivals, being forced to run a carnival to get my soul back, having to claim 100 souls for Satan (Who knew you needed your own for necromancy? Go figure...), slobbering guard dogs, social interaction, etc....

On Heroics:

"I do almost everything for reasons that might be characterized as selfish. I regard my life as a vital thread in the ongoind march of humanity from protoplasm to-- I don't know, to be honest. Something better than protoplasm would be a start. Therefore, anything that threatens my life now or later has to be dealt with. Paradoxically, that often means risking my life to secure my safety. The difference is that I risk it on my own terms."

Insults, slurs, and cries of revenge

View All Comments

Rhea Byrne Report | 09/13/2014 2:56 pm
Rhea Byrne
Yep, for sure. Might check the used game store over here too. It'll at least buy me some time until I buy new games.
Rhea Byrne Report | 09/13/2014 2:45 pm
Rhea Byrne
Ahhhh. That makes sense.

I need to ask mom to pick up my PS2 games for me. My sister and her fiance borrowed my dad's ps2, but most the games they brought downstairs were mine. I've been meaning to bring my games over, since my grandma has one too, but I keep forgetting, and when I was home Thursday, neither of them were downstairs.
Rhea Byrne Report | 09/13/2014 2:23 pm
Rhea Byrne
That sounds tasty, if not high in sodium.

That's understandable. Potatoes can be finicky
Rhea Byrne Report | 09/13/2014 2:10 pm
Rhea Byrne
That's a good plan. 3nodding Great time for root vegetables now that it's starting to cool down a bit.
Rhea Byrne Report | 09/13/2014 2:07 pm
Rhea Byrne

Well, that's good at least.

-has cider and apples- They're cheap again this year. 58 cents a pound. : D
Rhea Byrne Report | 09/13/2014 1:54 pm
Rhea Byrne
It's probably partially the weather. (And possibly oversleeping.)

Just relax for now.
Rhea Byrne Report | 09/13/2014 1:44 pm
Rhea Byrne
Need some caffeine?

How's it going?
Rhea Byrne Report | 09/12/2014 9:17 pm
Rhea Byrne
Yep, by 8 days.
Rhea Byrne Report | 09/12/2014 9:11 pm
Rhea Byrne
It's a good time waster. Still updates somewhat frequently, too. Shame I don't remember my old account. xD
Rhea Byrne Report | 09/12/2014 9:02 pm
Rhea Byrne
I'd give you some of this excess energy if I could.

Kingdom of Loathing is so silly I love it.


"Why couldn't you have been something with a bit of style?" he asked it.
"A raven. A rook."
"A penguin. I really wouldn't have been fussy."


"I sound quite mythical, don't I? What wonders shallI perform next?"