THE CAKE WAS A LIEEEE!!!

I am the dark overlord of milk cartons!WORSHIP MEEEEE!!!

ma pocker face XD

my plottingface XD

holy crap!

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't. this is this cat this is is cat this is how cat this is to cat this is keep cat this is a cat this is retard cat this is busy cat this is for cat this is forty cat this is seconds cat Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down

"I understand that scissors can beat paper, and i get how rock can beat scissors, but there is no freaking way paper can beat rock. what, paper is supposed to magically wrap around rock , thus leaving it immobile? if so, then why in the world can't paper do this to scissors? never mind scissors, why can't paper do this to people? why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating (usually) innocent students as they attempt to take notes in class? i'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody. a rock would tear that stuff up in two seconds. when i play rock/paper/scissors, i always choose rock. then, when someone claims to have beaten me with their paper,i can punch them in the face with my ready-made fist and say, oh, i'm sorry, i thought paper would protect you."

THINGS YOU DON"T WANT TO HEAR DURING SUGURY: 1.OOPS! 2.Has anybody survived 500ml of this stuff before? 3.if this is his spleen, then what's that? 4.come back here with that, bad dog! 5.DAMN! page 47 of the manual is missing! 6.wait a minute, my manual doesn't say that. 7.What edition is your manual? 8.Steril, schmerial. 9.the floors clean,right? 10.nurse, could you stop that thing from beating? it's throwing my concentraion off. 11.let's hurry this up, i don't want to miss Baywatch. 12.FIRE FIRE! EVERYBODY GET OUT!

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time , Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it " In". 5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. 6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks , Write "For Smuggling Diamonds". 7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy". 8. Don't use any punctuation. 9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. 10. Order a Diet Water when ever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go". 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme? 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood. 16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom. 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!" 18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!" 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go." 20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity is Randomly, Scream Do you know what time it is? ADVENTURE TIME!!

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I Politely said, "This is David. Could I please speak with Robert Campbell ?" Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f*kin number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robert's correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with him, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled " You're a C*nt!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'C*nt' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, " You're a C*nt!" It always cheered me up. When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic ' C*nt' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from BT . I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a C*nt!" One day I was at Lakeside Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first C*nt ( I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the Land Rover C*nt, too. I said, "Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?" Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked."Yes, I live at 129 Alice Street, in Ilford. It's a terraced house, and the car's parked right out in front." "What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Steve Hansen," he said. "When's a good time to catch you, Steve?" "I'm home most days as I'm currently unemployed." "Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Steve, you're a C*nt!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two arseholes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called C*nt #1. Hello." "You're a C*nt!" (But I didn't hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me," he screamed. "Make me," I said. "Who are you?" he asked. "My name is Steve Hansen." "Yeah? Where do you live?" "C*nt, I live at 129 Alice Street, Ilford, a terraced house, with my gunmetal grey Land Rover parked out the front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, C*nt," and hung up. Then I called C*nt #2. "Hello?" he said. "Hello, C*nt," I said. He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" I said. "I'll kick your arse," he exclaimed. I answered, "Well, C*nt, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 129 Alice Street, Ilford , and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 5 News about the hoodie war going down in Alice Street, Ilford . I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice Street. I got there just in time to watch two C*nts beating the crap out of each other in front of six police cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew. NOW I feel much better. Anger management really works.

16 THINGS TO DO AT THE SHOPS!!! 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens. 5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!" 15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! 16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"

u ugleh

yes i am very ugleh indeed