These are just totally random quotes that I've heard or read. If there's a quote you want me to put up, send me a PM along with the quote.
Random(aka Don't know where I heard/read this)
When life give you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
"I Intend To Live Forever... So Far So Good"
When I woke up this morning, I had ONE nerve left... now you're getting on it.
We all have the right to be stupid, but there are those who abuse that privilege. - Michael Sampson
best friends - you fight, i fight; you hurt, i hurt; you cry, i cry; you jump off a bridge, I get in a paddle boat and save your stupid a**.
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
- from [-Sexy cheese-]
I'm not moody. Moody people have more than one mood.
I steal boyfriends. But I forget where I put them.
All the good men are taken, gay, or fictional characters.
Don't remind me, I'm angry enough to hurt somebody and pounding you might be the therapy I need.
When you're on the Titanic, you load the life boats. You don't stop to yell at the iceburg.
Classmate's former art teacher:Any of you could have drawn this, but only Picasso could have sold it. (Apparently, Picasso dipped his finger in paint & drew a smiley face which sold for (I think)$200,000 or $500,000 or something like that.)
(The following were taken from some guy's shirt):
Speeding Ticket Excuses
1)I was bringing you donuts.
2)I was racing home to watch Cops.
3)I thought you wanted to race.
Good girls are bad girls who don't get caught. - dark rose falling
You were born lucky, I was lucky to be born.
"I NEVER SAID IT WAS THE TEN SUGGESTIONS". -GOD
Reason is often the slave of passion.
One is reminded of senior devil Screwtape's advice (in C.S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters) on how to corrupt:"The game is to have them all running about with fire extinguishers whenever there is a flood."
Hope is hearing the melody of the future. Faith is to dance to it. - Ruben Alves, Tomorrow's Child (1972)
Organized religion has fostered, throughout Western history, both the most unspeakable horrors and the most heartending example of human goodness. - Stephen Jay Gould, "Nonoverlapping Magisteria" (1997)
The following were taken from Apples to Apples game cards.
Lightning:Electric discharge between rain clouds, or between a rain cloud and the earth, or between a rain cloud and an idiot with a kite.
Doing the Dishes:You wash, I'll watch.
Trailer Parks:Also known as tornado magnets.
The Grand Canyon:217 miles long, 4-18 miles wide, and more than 1 mile deep. Now THAT'S grand.
Quicksand:Just don't let it get you down.
Windsurfing:Really just surfing for lazy people.
Pushups:Exercises, a type of bra, or the ice cream treat.
Water Parks:You can go down Dead Man's Drop and I'll take the Lazy River.
Penguins:Flightless, aquatic birds that reside in the Southern Hemisphere. All dressed up and no place to go.
Custer's Last Stand:1876, Little Big Horn. Very big mistake.
4th of July:"Independence Day" in the United States. "Thank Goodness We Got Rid of Them Day" in Britain.
Doctors:Over 20 years of education and they're still "practicing" medicine?
Bungee Jumping:Another sport hanging on by a thread.
The Dump:Just remember to recycle.
Picking Your Nose:Noses run in our family.
Plane Crashes:Statistically safer than driving...unless you crash.
Paying Taxes:Death or taxes? Do we have to choose right away?
Scavenger Hunts:OK kids, here's your list: a marshmallow, a safety pin, a red rubber band, and a moon rock. Go find 'em!
Computer Hackers:We didn't mean to shut down the entire government.
Supermodels:Long legs=big bucks.
Oranges:Face it... nothing rhymes with "orange".
A Used Car Lot:One of the most honest places around. Honest...
Chimpanzees:Sure, they're related to us; but they don't write, and they NEVER call!
Divorce:It's a trial separation that goes to trial.
The Opera:It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings. Unfortunately, sometimes, not even then.
Jupiter:Story Problem:If one year on Jupiter=11.86 Earth years, and 1 day=9.92 Earth hours, how many Earth hours are there in a Jupiter year?
Video Games:Just how DO you get to the 13th level of Doom?
Beanie Babies:Tiny plush collectibles to love and cherish. Don't take that tag off!
Deer Hunting:An orange vest makes such a bold fashion statement:"DON'T SHOOT ME! I'M RIGHT HERE!!!"
TV:164 channels and nothing worth watching.
Fireworks:Includes fire crackers, Roman candles, and bottle rockets. It's all fun until someone loses an eye... or a nose... or an arm...
Adam Sandler:1966-, American comedian, film star, and Saturday Night Live alumnus. Genius or goof-ball-you make the call.
The Great Chicago Fire:The noteworthy fire of 1871...a hot time in the old town...
Indiana Jones:Fictional archeologist and action hero. Proof that a good hat and a whip can take you a long way.
Tornadoes:Funnel-shaped cloud whirling destructively at speeds up to 300 mph. "Honey, do you hear a freight train... Honey?"
Last night, I left Forks, took a short cut through Narnia, kidnapped Harry Potter, stole the Black Pearl, & saved Middle Earth... & that's why my homework's not done.
"Sometimes people put up walls just to see who cares enough to tear them down."
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly.
It should be thrown with great force.
—Dorothy Parker on either Benito Mussolini's The Cardinal's Mistress or Atlas Shrugged.
Bertie Wooster: Why is it, do you think, Jeeves, that the thought of the "little thing" my Aunt Dahlia wants me to do for her fills me with a nameless foreboding?
Jeeves: Experience, sir?
—Jeeves And Wooster
Nimue: See, this is the point where the monster always jumps out.
Merlin: That only happens in stories.
Nimue: That's what they always say in the stories.
—Arthur King Of Time And Space
Yusuke(to Kurama):I'm gonna start charging you for being vague. - YuYu Hakusho
Vincent:You can be scared and still be brave. - Bizenghast, vol.3
Vincent:What do we do now? Edaniel:Stting here seems to be going pretty well. V:Dude, do you see what I see? E:My God, there's people reading this book! V:What? No! It's the kid we're looking for! E:And who says sitting around doesn't get stuff done? - Bizenghast, vol.3
Barret:Yo, Cid! Park this turkey! Cid:Shaddup! You want off? Then jump! Get off my back! - FFVII:Advent Children
Izzy:My theory is that a major power source is about to meltdown. If you guys don't shut it down, and I mean fast, it'll explode! Davis:What do you mean explode?! Izzy:I mean explode. You know, BOOM? - Digimon Adventure 02 (season 2)
Jeri:Yeah, but it only matters if they're safe. Takato:And even if we were with them, they still might not be safe because we attract trouble like a magnet. - Digimon Tamers (season 3)
Guilmon:I think Terriermon is practicing to be a mime. Henry:It'd never work. He'd have to be quiet to be a mime. - Digimon Tamers (season 3)
Kazu:You can't eat sand. Kenta:What about a sandwich? - Digimon Tamers (season 3)
Ryo:Cuz of this guy(Cyberdramon). He's hard to control. He's not really the kind of Digimon you'd take to like, a birthday party. Unless you wanted him to smash the cake, break all the presents and blow up the house. But someone's got keep him in line. - Digimon Tamers (season 3)
(Ikuto is jumping from building to building while carrying Amu) Ikuto:Hey. Amu:Yeah? I:You're heavier than you look. A:I'll beat you to a pulp after this. - Shugo Chara! episode 21
Jimmy's mom (about Conan):He's my grandfather's older brother's daughter's cousin's uncle's grandson. - Case Closed
"Hey mom, can I leave home for a few days and go do something really dangerous?"
"Go right ahead."
"Wow, really? That was unrealistic and easy."
Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha Abridged
At one point in the Oh My Goddess manga, a botched love potion fed to Keiichi causes any female to meet his eyes to become passionately infatuated w/ him — starting w/ his sister Megumi. She says, "Our love can transcend these foolish bonds of blood!" His horrified reaction: "Oh no it can't!" Fortunately, neutralizing the potion wipes her memory of the incident.
Suguru:And besides......this whole scenario is way too complicated for K-san. He would just get it over with and shoot his target with a machine gun. - Gravitation vol.12
K: Oh, Rage......even if you wanted to let Shuichi and his buddies escape......even from this height.....there's no way Shuichi would DIE from the FALL!! - Gravitation vol.12
K:Look... I'm your manager. I have the right to kidnap you without any explanation. - Gravitation vol.12
Shuichi:What the hell were you thinking, Yuki?! Were you trying to get yourself?! K's a murder machine!! If I hadn't jumped in front of you when I did, you'd have been the one who took that bullet instead of me!! Yuki:Well... at least it hit your head, instead of something... you know... important. S:.......Very funny! Will you get serious?! Have you completely lost your mind?! I've been kidnapped by K a million times! He usually just takes me to work!! I know I've wanted you to care more about me... but wigging out and chasing after a stone cold killer isn't what I had in mind! - Gravitation vol.12
H:I was wondering what the hell was going on when K-san forced me to come to work at gunpoint!! - Gravitation vol.12
Shuichi:Yeah, that's the spirit! Suguru:What?! Spirit?! What spirit?! Hiro:Do it yourself, you d**k!! - Gravitation vol.12
Hiro:This is way out of control......even for you! This is the most insane I've ever seen you! K:Insane is as insane does, Hiro. - Gravitation vol.12
To be or not to be, that is the question. - Hamlet
The courses of true love never did run smooth.
- Lysander Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream
"You can't have an anti-gun message, when you CLEARLY USED GUNS TO SOLVE YOUR PROBLEM! IT JUST DOESN'T WORK!"
— Linkara, Superman: At Earth's End
I saw eternity the other night, like a ring of pure and endless light. All calm, as it was bright, and round beneath it, time, in hours, days, years, driven by the spheres, like a vast shadow moves, in which the world, and all her train, were hurled. - A Ring of Endless Light
Monk:Air is as real as you and me. You have to step on it as if it were a stone, swim through it as if it were the sea. All you have to do is truly believe. Kar:Believe what, that the laws of gravity don't exist? - Bulletproof Monk
"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave."
-King Jareth from the Labyrinth.
Obi-Wan: Wait a minute. How did this happen? We're smarter than this.
Anakin: Apparently not.
— Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
Yo tampoco supe quien era mi media naranja cuando la conoci. Pero despues la tuve que dejar porque embaraze a Federica. - Ludovico, talking to his daughter while his wife stands next to him (hehe) - La Familia P.Luche
Juez:Que es lo que te motiva para ganar el concurso? Junior:Que mi papa no venda mi organo. Juez2:A ver. Tu papa va a vender tu teclado si no ganas? Junior:Que teclado? Mi rinon. No deje que venda mi organo.
Ludovico:Federica, tu, aqui, con otro hombre? Federica:Ludovico, tu, aqui, con el mismo hombre? Her friend:Flavio, tu, aqui, sin sueter? Ponte un sueter, mi amor, que have frio!
Don Ramon:Tenia que ser el Chavo del Ocho. Que no tienes ojos? Chavo:Si, porque? DR:Porque me pisastes! C:Y a poco lo pise con los ojos? - El Chavo del Ocho Animado
Todos tenemos el derecho a ser tontos, pero hay quienes abusan de ese privilegio. - Michael Sampson
Seras feliz si te conformas con que le toque la loteria al tipo que te debe dinero. - Jose Luis Alvite