AboutSUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the
microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have thier recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death
it bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I
the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex
waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car
because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!
If you don't send thisin an e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00
this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...
Have a wonderful day....
A South American scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study,
has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their messages with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!
thier coming to take me away, haha, thier coming to take me away, hehe,hoho, huhu,haha, thier coming to take me away!!!!!
crazy i was crazy once, they put me in a round room, a round rubber room, a round ruber room with rats, round rubber rats, round rubber rats with wheels, wheels that drove me crazy, crazy i was crazy once.................
Book currently Reading: My name is Memory. Its a love story of these two people, Daniel and Sophia seperated through time and over various lifes.
Chibiangels- Angelicbow, coco kitty, momo
Antiviolinator- junk and about 5-6k
Moon Dancer- september '07 sealed
LNK1001- Over 6k in outfits
((if I missed any of my donators please pm me!))
Donatees: ((Im sure that there are others but Im starting the list starting on 2:23am on 17th))
Little black bat to shadowless72
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Random stories from Ein
Stories that happened dureing my stay here at Gaia