Well don't think about that. You first have to love yourself for someone to love you. You should be happy look at you you are beautiful and you know it but you choose to ignore it because you are to down on yourself. always look at the positive side and you should keep smiling not the fake smile but the real smile knowing that you are eatting, breathing, and have a family. I don't know much of your situation but just know ppl are in much worse situations than you and if they could live through it so can you. you have been down for as long as i known you. you got to start lifting yourself up. don't depend on others to lift you up because they will always fail you. they are humans as much as you are. and getting a bf isn't going to help you any if you yourself aren't stable first. look i have a long distance relationship, i live at home and am treated as a kid, i am a middle child and i get treated worse than my siblings, i have had friends use me, i have been put down, i wasn't always pretty and i changed all that by making better new friends, talking to my family and trying to fix it and not just push it off, i fixed myself up and got better selfesteem and things just started getting into place. and not only that i had God to help me out. He's the one who lead me to look at the bright side.. don't want to sound religious or anything. i just have a relationship with God. and that gives me hope and that gives me happyness not ppl not a bf just God. idk if this will help you but i sure hope it does. i hope you have a great day.