Tired as I am of explaining myself, this is me. Wake yourself up once a week at four in the morning, get fully dressed and go outside and stand at attention for 45 minutes on the sidewalk next to the street. While doing so, picture in your mind a convoy of six hummers going past, five of which have caskets in the back and do this for eight months out of the year. Every time you hear a loud noise, state in your head that you are back in the civilian world and that you do not need to take cover and "return fire." Every time you see a little girl or boy between the age of 5-12, picture half of their face blown off because they saw a field to play in, unknowingly stepping into a mine field. Now with all that in your mind, picture your wife/husband leaving you because "they're no longer happy," and watch them immediately start dating someone who was supposedly "just a friend." Try living your life with not being able to see your daughter/son till the weekend because you have to work 40+ hours a week to keep the bill collectors off your back, while you have to live back with your parents because your credit is now "6 feet under." Live through this waking nightmare, knowing that your worst fear is being alone with the demons that now haunt you.
That's my life, welcome to it. I don't take life for granted, I am glad everyday I can wake up, read the paper and NOT see my obituary in it. I appreciate each smile that I can muster from the people around me, and dedicate every waking moment to get myself out of this hellhole that I am now in. I dedicate every moment of my "off" time on the weekends to making my daughter smile, and spending time with the ONE thing in my life that is now keeping me sane. Welcome, to my corner of the night. I am the "white knight" helping those around him, even though the white wings that once shown proudly on his back have been burned and scorned by the world that hated him for what he does.
For those who are not familiar with what I do, I donate to those who are truly deserving. Once a day I give out a small gift as a token of my gratitude to gaian avatars, as well as a sign of humbleness to those who are just beginning in here...
# of avi's found worthy: 67
total gold donated: 250000
items donated towards avi's: 81
# of friends lost to the callings of eternity: Too many to count-1
# of random people that love my poems and profile: 62
# of people I have helped with personal problems: 20