Let there be ambiance...
Gaytheists everywhere would have you believe
that there is not a God of the gays. However, they
are wrong.There is a God of the gays and he is quite real.
I pinched myself, so I would know.
Now that we have established that he exists. Let us delve further into his
constitution. He is a bad motherfucker. He is so bad that he finished that phrase
even though he was told to shut his mouth. He is the baddest Slytherin since he
who shall not be named.He is the burning sensation in your scarification. He is so bad
that he gets free cookies from the supermarket even though they are meant for children 12
and under. He is so bad that Republicans blame him for everything Obama has done wrong.
Hence, Mortals fall on their knees at his very name. A name so great that it can not be pronounced by a lispful tongue. A name so great that Sweet Brown has time to say it. But she can`t! So Sing and rejoice my gay child for Sheldon, the vengeful, jealous God is the one and only true gaylord and he is quite real. (Gurlll 7:21).
Those who deviate from the un-straight path will have their glitter upon their heads. They will be forced to live in a realm where Mitt Romney becomes the Republican candidate for President. I know, it is a bizarre world and it sounds very surreal. Mark my word, that world does exist and it is a hellish world.If you fear such a world then there are a few things you can do to appease me.
1. Do not de-preciate the value of an item I am selling. Sell your body if you need gold that badly and stop deflating my items.
2. Sacrifice a goat. Throw some curry on that bitch. I hate biting into sacrifice goat without some flavoring.Have you had raw goat?
3. Be a Denver Broncos fan. You instantly get beamed up at the next Rapture, the gay one anyway. If you are a Raider fan then you already know where you are going. Straight to Oakland. A place worse than any hell.
4. Write me a Haiku. Bitches love Haiku.
5. Send me a suggestions for revenge chick flicks. I love those. Ms.45!
6. Join Gay Heaven guild.
Then, there was ambiance.