Hey, hey. Yeah, you don't have to comment me back right away. It's cool. I was just about to send you a comment yesterday, so close to done with it, but then my friend (Bri) called and said she was outside my place, wanting to pick me up. Soo, I had to shut the computer down.
Buut, anyway. That movie was good, really sad, but it was good. Better than a lot that are out now...
Why were you guys fighting? Sound pretty bad...and intense. Does she look at you differently now? I have an older sister, and we don't usually fight that bad, she'll make me sometimes punch walls, but other than that not much else.
Yesterday I was sort of nervous to go out anywhere, even with Bri and her boyfriend. I mean, I like going with them, it's just, sometimes the social situations, like even more people that I don't know.. we'll go see them, because their her boyfriend's friends. =/ I don't do well around crowds, I clam up and stand by the corner. I'm not trying to be rude, it's just I'm anxious and want them to pretend I'm not there. It'd be different if they were the shy, quiet type, that just don't care. They're more of the in your face and to me, they give off the judgmental vibe and I don't feel like dealing with it. I mean, Bri's one of my close friends and I care about her, but sometimes I don't know what to do, because she'll do drugs and whatnot... I've told her that she shouldn't do it so often, at least. She'll tell me she doesn't, but it doesn't seem like it. It almost seems like she's a little delusional. Unless I'm not around too much, buut, even still, I think I can tell that she does it more often than some occasional thing. You know what I mean?
That sucks... well, I guess if he's cheating on you it's better now than even later. Then it would be worse to deal with... yeah, sorry that happened. =/ Does that other girl not like you or something? People are becoming sluttier and sluttier now-a-days...depressing. -.-
People Piss me off too! lol, I dislike a lot of people. Most people are disappointing, like for instance... last week my friend and I were watching this movie called "Monster" and it's about this girl who met a lesbian at a bar, and she wasn't gay, I guess, till they hit it off and fell in love with each other. I guess the girl she met whose name was Sal (I'm pretty sure that's her name) couldn't work or something because of a medical issue she had. Soo, when they were living together the other girl started prostituting for her and getting money, and she tried to get out of it, because she's been doing it for a majority of her life. She was raped when she was young, and got raped twice during the time she was with Sal. She ended up killing the guys she was prostituting with because she found them to be nasty, and condescending. The first time she killed the guy, she could've died if she didn't (so really that was more self-defense...) Sal ended up finding out that she killed this guy and was freaking out, and the one who killed the guys got arrested for something else. I guess Sal called her, or she called Sal, and Sal was trying to get her to confess over the phone without her knowing. (Cops and detectives or whatever were in Sal's room recording the phone call, waiting for her to confess.) She finally did, saying it was all her, without knowing she was being recorded. I mean, she was pretty much prostituting for Sal in the first place, and Sal turns her in. And as twisted as it sounds, but yet, not really, is that I feel for the girl that Sal was with. She was raped by her father's best friend and no one believed her, and she was the one punished for it, yet they're arresting and executing her for what she did. At the same time, even though what she did was wrong, it was still sad and she still did it with good intentions, even though that sounds twisted. She was just disgusted by how many married men with children would go to a prostitute. =/ But anyway, I know you're wondering, what does this have to do with it? lol, but, it's just how people can be disappointing. Sal was the only one that she thought cared for her, and in the end everyone disappointed and backstabbed her, while making her feel worthless. I guess she was also trying to make a better future for her and Sal too, like a successful career and everything, and the people she was looking to help her do this pretty much just laughed in her face..
And thanks, I'd never want to be slutty or whorish... it's just nasty.
Nah, it's cool, lol. I'd rather talk to you too than a therapist. I mean it's different when a therapist could see you as a friend, and not only as a client.. Because then it's like they're just doing their job.. if I were a therapist I'd probably try to be friends too, it's just better that way. Well, I think so.. lol.
Lol, it is freakin hilarious sometimes when they do. We have people doing stuff in the bathrooms too, there's this girl at my school who had herpes all around her lips and I guess she can't have kids because of some disease. She was crying and all. Buut, she's nasty, I mean, she's out doing stuff with everyone, from what I hear. I wouldn't doubt it.
No, you didn't tell me she gave a note to your sister, but I can't stand people who have to tell everyone what they do, as if it's cool or something. It's just nasty, and I think it's pretty pathetic. Aand, yeeah, there are a lot of pregnant people at my school, it seems... Everyone talks about having sex and doing drugs, and all that jazz as if it's the coolest thing on the earth. Some of them act like it's no big deal, like it's some kind of trend or just normal. They talk about how they have to get the baby clothes and whatever, as if they almost planned on getting pregnant. We've had people pregnant in middle school too, I think even sixth grade. Yeah. =/ We've had some people who dropped out in seventh grade.
I look at some people I knew back in elementary that are now in high school with me, and they're out having sex with people they've been dating for less than a week.
I get that too, the friend thing, if it wasn't for my one friend I wouldn't have any friends either. But I feel bad for you because she's like that, I'd hate to have to deal with that too...
Yeah, I think he did call me a hoe and some other kid called me a skank too. I Think, I'm not completely sure, maybe I'm just paranoid as hell, buut, in a way, I believe it. At first I felt weird about it, and it pissed me off, but now I couldn't give half a s**t, because I know I'm not.
Yeah, when I talk about it, it does help. Buut, then I regret it. I'm very secretive with my thoughts, and how I feel and I really have a hard time opening up to people. Most people at least. You might like going to one, it was sort of fun and it felt comforting almost. A safe kind of thing, at least in the room I was in, it felt like I was protected and as if you could bring up anything. I don't know how to explain.
I'm not too religious either, but sometimes I'm doubtful, and other times I just live life and just sort of stay out of religion. Other times I think there are a lot of happenings that seem more than just a consequence and it makes me wonder if God is real. Buut, then other times I'll be in deep thought and thinking realistically and how I just can't really force myself to completely believe in anything like that. I get what you mean though.
Merry Christmas too, hope it goes well for you. Do you have finals this week? I do.. this kid came in my science class and says 'Everyone ready to bomb this final!?" looking all 'bring it on' kind of thing and everyone's like 'Hell yeah!' LOL. We had to use scantrons...hate those.
Girls can be...it gets old...
I hate those passes, I guess the whole school's getting paranoid because last year we had some kid throw s**t and piss all over the walls in the bathroom. LOL. It was all over the announcements and the principal (or really I meant vice principal this whole time), but he was getting in on the case and never found out who it was. I think I know who it was though. But ah, they wouldn't let anyone leave the classroom during class to use the bathroom, it was out of control. Everyone was cussing about it and bitching because they were about to piss their pants because this kid just had to trash up the bathroom. I guess one kid in this class had to take a piss and since he couldn't go alone the whole class took a field trip to the bathroom...wtf? Just for him.
Our school has some secret santa thing going on too... I'm not a part of it because I usually don't participate in school activities, my school is pretty big, so it doesn't matter. I don't really know what it is exactly...
Wait, she's your closest friend? but you hate her? or you talking about something else..lol... Our school won't let us wear anything above our knee or low cut shirts, or sleeveless shirts. Which I'm okay with, because I cover every square inch of myself, even my hands. I hate people like that too, who try to get attention by looking like a whore... it pisses me off, what kind of image do they want to portray anyway? It's not any good impression and it makes them look like just an object. And not only that, but it influences an opinion on our whole gender when more and more girls try to copy the "look", just because it seems soo cool. -.- There's this girl at my school who has a contest with her friend to see how many guys they can have sex with and then seeing who wins....>.> Goddamn, I'm tired of these dumbasses, lol. I guess she gave this guy a huge hickey too, I just heard that in one of my classes today. I knew her back when she was a little kid too, but never really made friends with her or liked her too much.
Freshmen year I had a burn on my neck from a straightener and everyone thought it was a hickey... I guess I had a feeling everyone thought I did a lot of stuff with people, which isn't true... I remember this kid (which I don't know for sure) but everytime I walked past him he'd say something like 'ho'.. when I'm nothing like that. There's more, buut, yeah...
Ooh... those people who act all badass, lol.. What a dumbass, he sounds like some kids at my school who think they're "the s**t". Most people are depressing..it's like 'just get out...' Which reminds me... there's this other kid at my school who got this girl pregnant and I think he might've got his girlfriend pregnant too and they both see each other at school and hate each other.. He basically just used the one he wasn't dating and got expelled for I guess, hitting a girl that was friends with the girl he wasn't dating. (I know this sounds like Gossip Girls, lol....s**t...) Buut, anyway, the whole thing is about like Jerry Springer..
The psychiatrist thing didn't help the first couple of days because I had nothing to say to her, maybe I would have a few months before, but the time I got there I just felt neutral. There was nothing to say, I wasn't feeling anything, really. The whole thing was stupid, I mean, for me, at least. Not her job, but just me going in there was stupid and pointless. She had me draw a picture of my family and she told me to take a lavender bath or something like that. I guess it's supposed to relieve stress or whatever. I still have the paper she wrote out in my tote bag. I like the idea of psychology and all that, I'm interested in it, buut, it's like there was just nothing for me to say to her, or talk about with her. I know she'd listen, but I like to keep things to myself because I get paranoid that they'll blurt out what I tell them, even if it's something someone else would be completely open with. I don'
I'm not too fond of people at my school either. I don't even talk and yet still get some people to just despise me, lol. It's like 'later' and I just walk on and do what I do. Their reasons are pointless, like today, I was getting something out of a cabinet and this girl slams the cabinet shut and so I'm just like 'whateva' and walk away and then turn around. She's standing there giving me the dirtiest look, like she wants to kill me. Once again 'whateva', it's like a huge joke.
Your school sounds like it'd get CSI on everything... I don't know if my school does that, but I remember I went into the school library with one of my friends and we started to leave because she wanted to get a drink. The librarian was all 'Do you need a pass?' giving me an option..soo, I go 'No.' and start walking casually out of the library, and she, I guess, told our principal and a week later I get a pass to go down to see him. I didn't know what it could be for, because I really thought what I did wasn't a big deal at all. My friend got a pass too, and we're sitting in his office, and he pulls out a ton of papers acting like it's CSI, and says 'It states here that one of you told the librarian that you didn't need a pass' and I go 'That was me.' all straight up about it, lol. He gives us an option to either get a detention of be banned from the library for six weeks or so.. I chose being banned.
There was another time I guess that some kids broke something in communications class and our teacher got up and started screaming 'All of you are pieces of s**t!! Go ahead and tell your parents I said that because that's what you truly are!! You're good for nothing, you pieces of s**t!! GODDAMN, that's all you are.' etc, etc.. he was Pissed...buut, yeah...I guess everyone hates him or something. He's not always anger management though, I can't remember what he said exactly, but that was pretty close.
I went to a psychiatrist maybe once or twice, but it was stupid. =/ I didn't want to go there, I just felt like an idiot. Buut, she tried to put me on medication within the first two days and I said no. I don't think I'd want to take medication unless it was absolutely needed. I agree with you, and if I were a psychiatrist I'd get to know my patients better before even trying to shove a medication at them, I didn't even ask. She didn't have enough information on me to say that I really needed medication, it was just like 'go ahead and take it' kind of thing. Probably because they just want money..
Yeah, I don't even like giving out information on me personally because I seem to change my mind every year and think I was stupid for even thinking what I thought.
I have that problem too, I feel like people are spying on me inside my house, as if they put some cameras in my place or are just looking through the window, lol. Then I start thinking they're going to put me on youtube or something.. lol.
How's your school? Yeah, my school's pretty nice, I mean, you'll sometimes get the gum stuck to the water fountains once in a while, but nothing that bad. Our principal acts all primp and proper, and I heard he'll hide in the ceiling area on the wooden squares to spy on the guys in the guy's locker room to find out who's been smoking. Then he'll jump out and catch them in the act... I hate it when people act primp and proper....
But anyway, why can't my family be like yours? I've been trying to get my mom to turn off the lights for years, I mean, she can put candy outside or hand out candy but, she overdoes it every year, and then bitches to my sister and I about how she's stressing over Halloween. w-t-f? lol.
Yeah, I'm fine.. I've always been neurotic though, I get nervous easily. Sometimes I think it'd be easier to deal with if I got medication or something, but I choose not to. Ever since I was in preschool I'd get nervous over the most ridiculous things and it's Irritating. I can't really help it, and I wouldn't say I'm one of those wimpy kids, I'm just a little fidgety and awkward. Thanks for deleting the comment, lol, another thing I get paranoid about, random people knowing where I live.. I don't even like people at my school to know where my house is, lol. It's like it's some top secret thing or something.
Hey, it's been a while since I signed on, I wasn't ignoring you, I just have this thing where I won't go online for months for some reason. Instead I'll be sleeping or something. I always start school right after August 2nd or so and we get out at 2:00 on Mondays and 2:30 for the rest of the weekdays. Mondays shortened because of teacher conferences (sp?), they don't let us have half days anymore. Heh, I can't believe it's been that long since I last signed on, I can barely remember my first day, though a couple weeks ago our school won something and won a concert for Justin Beiber to come. Our school never wins anything, so I was confused, lol. I didn't even know who this kid was, I guess he's 15 and is on Radio Now or something. All the girls were obsessing over him because they think he's hot, so the guys decided to act as if they were gay during the concert, asking him if he was single. This one kid wore a rubber band around his head and shook his damn a** like there's no tomorrow waving his hands up in the air on purpose so that Justin would think he's not only getting attention from the girls, but that the gay guys were into him too, lol. I was cracking up, and I guess they recorded the concert or something, soo, I was hoping I wasn't on there, I looked mental.
How long ago did you start school? How is it?
Halloween's on Saturday, lol, I was thinking about giving the candy out I got last year, jk. That or putting on the front door
'Ate all the candy'
- Fat b***h.
Lol. I'd probably get a ton of hate mail for that though.
Sorry (once again) about it taking so long to get back to you. Yeah, I think deeply into everything too... I can't even help it, even when I don't want to, I do anyway.
It also makes me develop split decisions because I'll think deeply about both sides and agree with both to a certain point, or see reasons behind two different decisions..
=) Deep thinkers unite, lol. ----I don't know, I'm lame, lol.
But, yeah, night is when it kicks in the most, and I can't really do that too much anymore since I started back into school today.
But, what's up?
I don't know how expensive the trips are exactly, but I'm sure they are...
Yeah, I was thinking again last night, and I like it, but at the same time I don't. I overanalyze everything and start thinking that maybe I need to just start secluding myself from the majority of people in real life. You ever feel like everything you do you have split opinions or that you want to do something, but then the other half doesn't? I mean, even as simple as drinking in public, it gets ridiculous.. lol. Or just telling someone something so simple, nothing that's even personal.. Like, take the friends I hang out with.. it's like I'm either in the mood to relate, or whatever, but then I'll jump out of the mood easily by something that someone says that gets me thinking. Then I start to accuse myself that I'm just a puzzle piece that needs to be discarded because evidentally I don't fit well when that time comes.. But I won't do anything to fit in the crowd at all. It just goes as it happens and they seem to really like me. But I really like them, though the other half of me, when it's there, is uncomfortable. -.- I hope that made sense, lol.
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Buut, anyway. That movie was good, really sad, but it was good. Better than a lot that are out now...
Why were you guys fighting? Sound pretty bad...and intense. Does she look at you differently now? I have an older sister, and we don't usually fight that bad, she'll make me sometimes punch walls, but other than that not much else.
Yesterday I was sort of nervous to go out anywhere, even with Bri and her boyfriend. I mean, I like going with them, it's just, sometimes the social situations, like even more people that I don't know.. we'll go see them, because their her boyfriend's friends. =/ I don't do well around crowds, I clam up and stand by the corner. I'm not trying to be rude, it's just I'm anxious and want them to pretend I'm not there. It'd be different if they were the shy, quiet type, that just don't care. They're more of the in your face and to me, they give off the judgmental vibe and I don't feel like dealing with it. I mean, Bri's one of my close friends and I care about her, but sometimes I don't know what to do, because she'll do drugs and whatnot... I've told her that she shouldn't do it so often, at least. She'll tell me she doesn't, but it doesn't seem like it. It almost seems like she's a little delusional. Unless I'm not around too much, buut, even still, I think I can tell that she does it more often than some occasional thing. You know what I mean?
That sucks... well, I guess if he's cheating on you it's better now than even later. Then it would be worse to deal with... yeah, sorry that happened. =/ Does that other girl not like you or something? People are becoming sluttier and sluttier now-a-days...depressing. -.-
People Piss me off too! lol, I dislike a lot of people. Most people are disappointing, like for instance... last week my friend and I were watching this movie called "Monster" and it's about this girl who met a lesbian at a bar, and she wasn't gay, I guess, till they hit it off and fell in love with each other. I guess the girl she met whose name was Sal (I'm pretty sure that's her name) couldn't work or something because of a medical issue she had. Soo, when they were living together the other girl started prostituting for her and getting money, and she tried to get out of it, because she's been doing it for a majority of her life. She was raped when she was young, and got raped twice during the time she was with Sal. She ended up killing the guys she was prostituting with because she found them to be nasty, and condescending. The first time she killed the guy, she could've died if she didn't (so really that was more self-defense...) Sal ended up finding out that she killed this guy and was freaking out, and the one who killed the guys got arrested for something else. I guess Sal called her, or she called Sal, and Sal was trying to get her to confess over the phone without her knowing. (Cops and detectives or whatever were in Sal's room recording the phone call, waiting for her to confess.) She finally did, saying it was all her, without knowing she was being recorded. I mean, she was pretty much prostituting for Sal in the first place, and Sal turns her in. And as twisted as it sounds, but yet, not really, is that I feel for the girl that Sal was with. She was raped by her father's best friend and no one believed her, and she was the one punished for it, yet they're arresting and executing her for what she did. At the same time, even though what she did was wrong, it was still sad and she still did it with good intentions, even though that sounds twisted. She was just disgusted by how many married men with children would go to a prostitute. =/ But anyway, I know you're wondering, what does this have to do with it? lol, but, it's just how people can be disappointing. Sal was the only one that she thought cared for her, and in the end everyone disappointed and backstabbed her, while making her feel worthless. I guess she was also trying to make a better future for her and Sal too, like a successful career and everything, and the people she was looking to help her do this pretty much just laughed in her face..
And thanks, I'd never want to be slutty or whorish... it's just nasty.
Nah, it's cool, lol. I'd rather talk to you too than a therapist. I mean it's different when a therapist could see you as a friend, and not only as a client.. Because then it's like they're just doing their job.. if I were a therapist I'd probably try to be friends too, it's just better that way. Well, I think so.. lol.
No, you didn't tell me she gave a note to your sister, but I can't stand people who have to tell everyone what they do, as if it's cool or something. It's just nasty, and I think it's pretty pathetic. Aand, yeeah, there are a lot of pregnant people at my school, it seems... Everyone talks about having sex and doing drugs, and all that jazz as if it's the coolest thing on the earth. Some of them act like it's no big deal, like it's some kind of trend or just normal. They talk about how they have to get the baby clothes and whatever, as if they almost planned on getting pregnant. We've had people pregnant in middle school too, I think even sixth grade. Yeah. =/ We've had some people who dropped out in seventh grade.
I look at some people I knew back in elementary that are now in high school with me, and they're out having sex with people they've been dating for less than a week.
I get that too, the friend thing, if it wasn't for my one friend I wouldn't have any friends either. But I feel bad for you because she's like that, I'd hate to have to deal with that too...
Yeah, I think he did call me a hoe and some other kid called me a skank too. I Think, I'm not completely sure, maybe I'm just paranoid as hell, buut, in a way, I believe it. At first I felt weird about it, and it pissed me off, but now I couldn't give half a s**t, because I know I'm not.
Yeah, when I talk about it, it does help. Buut, then I regret it. I'm very secretive with my thoughts, and how I feel and I really have a hard time opening up to people. Most people at least. You might like going to one, it was sort of fun and it felt comforting almost. A safe kind of thing, at least in the room I was in, it felt like I was protected and as if you could bring up anything. I don't know how to explain.
I'm not too religious either, but sometimes I'm doubtful, and other times I just live life and just sort of stay out of religion. Other times I think there are a lot of happenings that seem more than just a consequence and it makes me wonder if God is real. Buut, then other times I'll be in deep thought and thinking realistically and how I just can't really force myself to completely believe in anything like that. I get what you mean though.
Merry Christmas too, hope it goes well for you. Do you have finals this week? I do.. this kid came in my science class and says 'Everyone ready to bomb this final!?" looking all 'bring it on' kind of thing and everyone's like 'Hell yeah!' LOL. We had to use scantrons...hate those.
Your school sounds like it'd get CSI on everything... I don't know if my school does that, but I remember I went into the school library with one of my friends and we started to leave because she wanted to get a drink. The librarian was all 'Do you need a pass?' giving me an option..soo, I go 'No.' and start walking casually out of the library, and she, I guess, told our principal and a week later I get a pass to go down to see him. I didn't know what it could be for, because I really thought what I did wasn't a big deal at all. My friend got a pass too, and we're sitting in his office, and he pulls out a ton of papers acting like it's CSI, and says 'It states here that one of you told the librarian that you didn't need a pass' and I go 'That was me.' all straight up about it, lol. He gives us an option to either get a detention of be banned from the library for six weeks or so.. I chose being banned.
There was another time I guess that some kids broke something in communications class and our teacher got up and started screaming 'All of you are pieces of s**t!! Go ahead and tell your parents I said that because that's what you truly are!! You're good for nothing, you pieces of s**t!! GODDAMN, that's all you are.' etc, etc.. he was Pissed...buut, yeah...I guess everyone hates him or something. He's not always anger management though, I can't remember what he said exactly, but that was pretty close.
I went to a psychiatrist maybe once or twice, but it was stupid. =/ I didn't want to go there, I just felt like an idiot. Buut, she tried to put me on medication within the first two days and I said no. I don't think I'd want to take medication unless it was absolutely needed. I agree with you, and if I were a psychiatrist I'd get to know my patients better before even trying to shove a medication at them, I didn't even ask. She didn't have enough information on me to say that I really needed medication, it was just like 'go ahead and take it' kind of thing. Probably because they just want money..
Yeah, I don't even like giving out information on me personally because I seem to change my mind every year and think I was stupid for even thinking what I thought.
I have that problem too, I feel like people are spying on me inside my house, as if they put some cameras in my place or are just looking through the window, lol. Then I start thinking they're going to put me on youtube or something.. lol.
But anyway, why can't my family be like yours? I've been trying to get my mom to turn off the lights for years, I mean, she can put candy outside or hand out candy but, she overdoes it every year, and then bitches to my sister and I about how she's stressing over Halloween. w-t-f? lol.
Yeah, I'm fine.. I've always been neurotic though, I get nervous easily. Sometimes I think it'd be easier to deal with if I got medication or something, but I choose not to. Ever since I was in preschool I'd get nervous over the most ridiculous things and it's Irritating. I can't really help it, and I wouldn't say I'm one of those wimpy kids, I'm just a little fidgety and awkward. Thanks for deleting the comment, lol, another thing I get paranoid about, random people knowing where I live.. I don't even like people at my school to know where my house is, lol. It's like it's some top secret thing or something.
How long ago did you start school? How is it?
Halloween's on Saturday, lol, I was thinking about giving the candy out I got last year, jk. That or putting on the front door
'Ate all the candy'
- Fat b***h.
Lol. I'd probably get a ton of hate mail for that though.
It also makes me develop split decisions because I'll think deeply about both sides and agree with both to a certain point, or see reasons behind two different decisions..
=) Deep thinkers unite, lol. ----I don't know, I'm lame, lol.
But, yeah, night is when it kicks in the most, and I can't really do that too much anymore since I started back into school today.
But, what's up?
Yeah, I was thinking again last night, and I like it, but at the same time I don't. I overanalyze everything and start thinking that maybe I need to just start secluding myself from the majority of people in real life. You ever feel like everything you do you have split opinions or that you want to do something, but then the other half doesn't? I mean, even as simple as drinking in public, it gets ridiculous.. lol. Or just telling someone something so simple, nothing that's even personal.. Like, take the friends I hang out with.. it's like I'm either in the mood to relate, or whatever, but then I'll jump out of the mood easily by something that someone says that gets me thinking. Then I start to accuse myself that I'm just a puzzle piece that needs to be discarded because evidentally I don't fit well when that time comes.. But I won't do anything to fit in the crowd at all. It just goes as it happens and they seem to really like me. But I really like them, though the other half of me, when it's there, is uncomfortable. -.- I hope that made sense, lol.