A CRUDE PASSAGE TO DEFINE THE AWESOME:
I am everywhere, anywhere, and nowhere. The Alpha and the Potato. I am the one who dwells in the rectum of time and laughs back at you in the darkness for forgetting how to set the timers on small electronics. I am like five batmans, or shall I say batmanæ? I am that mixed with Chuck Norris and a narwhal; a fact you find strangely stimulating to senses you did not know you had! For I am Lord Exxos of the Intergalactic House of Pancakes! Bringer of darkness when it is already dark out! And facilitator of squirrel dancing!
Also, squirrels should not be kept in the pants, for while they provide masterful stimulation, they have teeth with which to bite and claws with which to scratch. Jubjub birds are also out, but you can't wine and dine them into your pants, of course, in the first place, but rather have to pay them directly in unmarked bills. The jubjub bird is the common prostitute of the fictional, avian kingdom!
I have American milk, which is mostly mutant cow semen, hormones, and waste water from faulty nuclear plants mixed with the tears of terrorists and orphans, then just enough Elmer's glue added to make it white again. Also our milk does not come in bags like in Canada or elsewhere, so it does not stay fresh as long. Then again, it also does not burst and leak out all over the fridge because someone smacked a wire rack into it. Americans have no milk discipline! D: We need our milk in armored, plastic battle-jugs! D: