There is one question I always get asked, whether I'm quoting a song or just ranting about some stuff. That question is "are you okay?". Truth be told, I'm not. Each passing day becomes more a total ******** disaster. Don't get me wrong, I love my life, I like where I am (the house is s**t though), I like my current car, and I like all my friends. My family though, they're a different story, and the reason why I'm stating this. Before I continue, the picture above is of my primary car and a bunch of fantastic people I would like to consider my family, as they've been there more in a two year period than my family has been in 17. Also, I'm not 17 years of age. Let's start this letter by clarifying that most of the people are one my father's side of the family. My sister, a woman 13 years older than me, a woman I used to look up to for inspiration to get through some of the s**t times in my life, has finally decided to be involved in my life and act like a parental figure. She waits 7 years after our father dies to do this, and now that she is, she's trying to get me to be like her and tell me what I can and cannot do (e.g. fix my biological mother's car because I didn't go to tech school). After some arguing over some shitty text messages, I finally realized that there's no longer a point in even trying to consider her family anymore. Her husband is a fantastic person but she's finally pushed it to the limits and I'm done. There's also my aunt and her child, both of which being over 30 years of age. They were never around when I grew up, and they never invited my father and his family to most family events. When he passed, it was as if we never existed. My aunt only called when she needed someone to talk to. When my grandfather passed, I found out a week afterwords through my sister, which is pretty shitty seeing how my sister is practically my neighbor and my aunt lives about two hours away. My mother is also a pain in the a**. Her self-righteous bullshit just never seems to get old in her eyes, and she was 41 when she gave birth to me. Her house is ******** gross, there's piss stains all over the living room carpet from her rabbit, the cat's litter box is right in front of my room door, so every morning, I'm greeted to the godawful smell of cat piss/s**t, which that alone is enough to start my shitty day. When I received social security from when my father passed, I never got a penny of it. She used it for stupid personal pleasure, buying stupid s**t she has never even used, so now it takes up space in the closest thing I can call to my room. I sleep on a ******** futon because it's more comfortable than my bed. All in all, I currently hate where I'm at, but I know it'll get better soon. I'll be out of her gross house (again) and will be able to support myself better than she thinks she can support me, which is actually funny because I lived off the sunlight and was stuck in the passenger seat of a 1988 black BMW 325i for most of my shitty ******** life.
Anyways, I'll be away more often, but not. I'll still check in once or thrice a week (as I hope to continue) to see how all of you are doing. I'll keep you informed on how I'm doing. I love you all, and as always, see you star side.
-J.T. // Dead Theory