About

User Image
Art (c) Critical-Error/Chaoxis.

The name's Carl. Sometimes referred to as "Hot Carl", but only one man gets ta call me that.

I'm a Vortian, as you can plainly see. Horns and funky legs and all that s**t. Sexiest Vortian alive, I betcha. I'm at my prime, babe, ain't got nothin' to worry about 'cept running outta booze and the odd "important" job the boss sends me on. Oh, and pissin' off my Crux.. he ain't on this website, but he's a sexy Irken beast, with all those muscles and scars and those cold, sadistic gray eyes and that big ol' sadistic grin... damn, now I'm horny...

Well, anyway. Mundane stuff. M'about 5'9", orange eyes, orange horns, kinda pale (somebody called it "mocha" before, and I'm not sure whether to agree or blow their head off for comparing my sexy skin with coffee), lean but not scrawny, got just enough muscles for what I need to do.

I've got mad skills when it comes to guns. I can take a man down from 500 yards without even lookin' at the b*****d.

Why'd I just tell you that?

I.. don't know. Maybe I shouldn't be typin' this stuff with a case full of vodka next to my foot.

Anywayyy. Lessee... ohh, interests. Yes, I know there's a space for that, but I don't wanna use it and you can't make me. I'm kinda simple when it comes to that, actually. Booze, sex, women, men, food, booze, money, sex, booze... yeah. I prefer men more nowadays. I can top and I can bottom, but still, man, nothin' like letting someone tear into you, especially if it's violent'n bloody.. just the way my Crux does it.. damn it, still horny...

I should probably stop before somebody gets offended. Ain't like the boss is reading this anyways. She don't read nothin' unless it's important to the business, y'know?

Oh, oh wait.

Policies toward alla ya:
-don't ******** with me, I won't ******** with you
-type with more than half a damn brain cell - I may not be an English professor or some s**t, but I still wanna be able to read what you say; if I can't, I might interpret it the wrong way, and YOU might end up, in cliche terms, "sleepin' with the fishes"
-boss might read this s**t later, so you still gotta keep on your toes, n'leave good comments and s**t or she'll get to wonderin'
-I ain't gonna be your friend just like that - you actually gotta talk to me first, get to know me better.. and not in the way I'm thinkin' of right now, either

.. yeah, that's probably it. I'm bored and horny. See ya, or somethin'.

Friends

  •  

Comments

Signature

RAPE.

It's what's for dinner.