Seeing you happy makes me smile.
To hear you sad means I've failed.
A good day for you means a great day for me.
A bad day for you still means good company.
Being slow makes me sad.
Being with you makes up for it.
He is everything in the sense that he's become more than just the general acquaintance. He broke all barriers without any effort, barriers that didn't understand what interaction was. These barriers had been up for so many years, for so long, that they became absolute, so rough inside and out. But he waltzed in and he broke them down, one by one. He surprised me with his wit, with his brilliance, his amazing use of words. He drove me crazy, made me do things I never thought of doing, things I've always labeled as "stupid" or "girly", I did them all for him. And I willingly did whatever it took to keep a smile on both our faces though it was easy enough for me. I feel easy around him, almost weightless. I sometimes think of myself as some old old lady, who is so childish at heart and who smiles at everybody she sees. Like an old granny who always looks forward to that one person who spoiled her, who sweet talked her because she was old and it made her happy. I wrote for him, I wrote poetry about him, short stories that I had to turn in, anything. He sparked my creativity so whenever I was making something for him, it would be quirky, girly and downright ridiculous sometimes. He was the one to even make me start making these presents since I felt that bought materials were nothing, I felt that they had little meaning to them. Items bought can be sold or forgotten but items made will be remembered forever.
I just want to write. I want to say all of the things that have been said before but maybe hasn't been stressed enough. Or words that have never been heard before. Anything. As poorly put together my words are, they're from the heart. They're sincere, they have meaning and they have truth behind them. That's all that matters right now. This person has changed my life in so many ways. I've learned to be much more forgiving, I've become someone who doesn't give up on others so easily as before. Before, if people didn't meet my standards, I wouldn't accept them. And it wasn't prejudgement. It was more of me trying to escape history from repeating, but he came in and he changed all of that. One person, it only took one person to change me, a person who was somewhat absolute when doing things. His words opened me up to new things, gave me hope and gave me a taste of reality. I've always been so naive. But he also gave me love, he stood by me in my highest highs and my lowest lows. He saw it all. And while people walked in and out of my life as if through a fast food drive thru, he stayed. He remained by my side and he held tightly my hand that shook and that quivered with indecision. He knew what he wanted and he made sure that I knew. I've never cared for someone outside of my family as I do him and I've never tried so hard for anybody as I do him. He makes everything worthwhile. I'm happiest when around him. It's no exaggeration, he's the only person that I always want to be around. Even my family doesn't have that, only he does.
My writing has improved because of him. Over time, he was the main person I wrote to, the main person I wrote with. And because of that, because of him, my writing has come to what it is now. Though I still have a lot to work on, I owe it to him. I'd do anything for him, not because I feel as though I owe it to him but because I want to. I've literally done so many crazy things just to surprise him with, I risked a lot to even just send him a simple hello and yet, I did it all with a grin or a smile, laughing here and there as I do it. I've always been such a careless person yet with him, I'm always so cautious. When someone doesn't like me, I shrug it off. Friends I've known for years could get mad at me and I'd shrug it off. But him, just hearing him sad, even when it has nothing to do with me, I feel sad too. When he's angry, I feel helpless but determined. And when he's happy, even if I was sad or lonely before, I'd feel his happiness, I'd share his happiness. Like my family, I never want to see him sad. Ever. I could be happy, ecstatic even, but if I come to hear him sad, my mood falls with him. But I'll always hold that optimistic aura for him, I'd still feel determined enough to hold some happiness to share with him, so that he feels better. And when that doesn't work, I can only sit by his side and hold his hand, putting his head on my shoulder and telling him that things will be okay. My words aren't as eloquent as his, but they're from the heart. They're sincere and they have truth behind it. Everything is for him.
Some things you can't force. Such as your feelings, you can't force someone to feel something, no matter how much you wish for it to be. There are times when I wish I could force my feelings on someone but reality comes in, and I understand it may not be for the best. For all of my love, even if the feeling isn't returned, it'll remain there. Because once I give something away, I never intend to take it back. So when I gave my heart away, I knew I would never see it again. Whether or not it's taken care of, I'll know. Because I can still feel, it is my heart after all. It only has one simple beat, one rhythm that it follows throughout eternity. My heart hurts when it's been hit with a blow and it races when it's been fed with affection. I feel it. Will he ever see this? I don't know. I'd love to point it out for him, to just tell him where to find this. But at the same time, I can't. I'm in no position to do it. I just hope he comes across this one day and to realize, to really hear, that I love him. It is undeniably true, proven down to the mark, engravings that will forever remain. I could keep going but why go further? My words will still be mediocre and I would never be able to finish. Because what I feel simply can't be fully written and it can't be fully understood nor felt. But it's true and it's real, and hopefully, it'll be eternal. A day without him just isn't the same nor will it ever be. My love is forever. No matter what happens.
That girl who is reserved and outgoing at the same time,
The one who talks to strangers freely,
The one who skips lunch to give her remaining money to someone hungry,
The one who smiles when she sees that someone else is sad,
The one who takes the blame when the teacher singles out a student,
The one who is brutally honest,
The one who devotes herself completely,
The one who sets aside her own happiness and problems to help someone else's,
The one who stands by her words,
The one who stands her ground,
The one who loves hugs,
The one who dances to her own rhythm,
The one who laughs just a bit too loud,
The one who talks back when she feels disrespected,
The one who laughs at herself,
The one who is proud of her scars,
The one who needs to be more girly,
The one who exceeds when she wants to,
The one who is self motivated,
The one who is a bit too slow,
The one who holds everyone's secrets,
The one who is overly stubborn,
The one who is severely observant,
The one who is mature,
The one who writes like a child,
The one who looks like a child,
The one who speaks without thinking,
The one who has sudden outbursts of crazy urges,
The one who actually goes through with those urges,
The one who would hold a stranger that cried,
The one who persists until she succeeds,
The one who speaks more harshly than she acts,
The one who stays up all night to make sure that she'll be there,
The one who holds close the people she loves,
The one who conceals her sadness,
The one who can't decide for anything,
The one who is reckless,
The one who doesn't care about her own well being,
The one who is confident,
The one who is comfortable with herself,
The one who is careless,
The one who is always the bridesmaid and never the bride,
The one who loves too hard,
That girl? Yeah, THAT'S ME.
-PIXEMIST
"You don't want to talk to me anymore?"
"It was never a matter of being together
but how long we'd be apart."
"I love you."
"I love you more."
"You could never love me more
than I love you."
" My advice, open your pretty eyes WIDER.
There's plenty to catch."
”One boy. One girl. Two hearts. Their world.”
”You didn't get it? He's saying
that sometimes you look up in the sky and what
you believe to be a star turns out to be something
less like an airplane or whatever. And his lover is
telling him that she's not a star, she's something
less then what he thinks.”
”Ohhh, I see now. Aww, well, when
the first star you see may not be a star, I'm
not your star. Haha.”
”Don't say that! You're not a star,
you're a planet. My planet. My world.”
”I'm glad you're back. I'd be
too lonely without you. I mean a great day
bestowed upon me and at the end of it all,
I still miss you. It wouldn't have been
great without you."
”Aww, don't say that. I think
you're fine without me. You seem able to
adjust so you'd be fine even if something
did happen to me. :] I missed you like crazy
and thinking about you made my situation a
lot more pleasant than it was. I was a in a
rut but then I just thought about the times
we shared and it brightened my day. ”
”No. I adjust because I have to.
I don't want to lose you! I couldn't focus at
the cash register. I'd be typing in numbers
then think of talking about foods with you and
certain things reminded me of you then I'd lose
count and have to look at the screen which
slowed me down. It was bad.”
”I stole your pants, you stole my heart.”
"My eyes were dull and dark.
Without you, they
don't light up anymore."
"You definitely heal me more then hurt. No one else is by my side."
"Hang in there, Felix."
"I'm determined to get past them for you. Right after you told me to hang in, a smile formed over my face. And it wasn't a normal, casual smile. It was a bashful, blushing, shy, nervous smile that I've been dreading. Seriously, I lifted my hand to my face and I thought, 'W-....What!? What's this on my face!? Get it off!!'"
"See? A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E, simply so. This is fun, you're eighteen and you're blushing like a monster. So cute.
Same thing I want to ask you! You always manage to make me smile with a few simple words. How do you do it?!"
”I still want to try to write in white though,
I think that would be really neat.”
”No, don't write in white! It's not neat, it's a nuisance.
Because I care about what you have to say, not what
color it's said it. When you make it white, it's just an
obstacle to read what you wrote. And I WILL read it
because I care. Even if you think that others will just
stop bothering, I won't.”
"I don't think I could ever want
to be married to anyone that wasn't you."
"Haha, you're so weird to love such a
difficult person. But that's to
my advantage. ^_^"
"No matter what, I'd feel the same
about you. It's better to love someone with their
own problems then to try and love someone
who is far too bland."
”I remember how scared I was to tell you that I loved you back the first time.
And now I want to be the one to say it first.”
”Sometimes I just want to simply say goodbye to you so that I wouldn't have to deal with it in the future. I want to just say goodbye to end things now, to cut things short so that I wouldn't get any more attached to you. But I've become so attached already that I can't bring myself to do it. It hurts either way.”
”Please don't talk like that. You're scaring me. You're the one thing in my life that's staying. Out of all the crap that going on you're the one thing I can hold onto and keep and know that you'll be right there. Don't give up on me . Please, I'll try my hardest to fight to stay on with you. I will really try but you can't just give up.”
”’I’m not good with words,’ she said. But every night, I’m dreaming she’d give me more.”
”My greatest fear: A moment without you in my thoughts.”
“Doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt. I'd never forget and I'd always hold an empty pain in my heart for you. If that's what you call capable then sure. I can't help being silly! I just care about you way too much!”
”You'll be fine either way! And that's all that matters to me, is that you'll be fine. Haha, I don't want you to hurt at all. So I'll try to live as long as I can. :] Same here, I care about you sooo much! -Hugs-”
"I've tried before and she eventually
over-mothers you which kind of cancels out the
mothering."
"How does it feel to marry a motherly figure?"
"It feels great. I love every moment of it."
"I love you. You're so adorable."
"You set me free and that's a fact."
"I can't wait to grow older alongside
you. It's been difficult but I'll walk it through
with you. "
"Tonight is you and me night, remember?"
"We talked about nonsense but it
was those times that we were happiest."
"With you? I love being smothered.
I can't get enough of you."
”You remember him, don't you?”
”Are you asking me if I remember who I am? Haha.”
”Haha...yes....><”
”Then yea, I'm the very lucky husband of yours. Ha.”
”I’d really like to just hold you until you fall asleep.”
”My eyes were never beautiful before you...”
"I'm glad you're always looking
out for me."
"Of course. If I don't look out for
you, who will?"
"Staying up late EVERY weekend,
pulling off risks for each other, waking up
early on weekends just to meet each other
on here."
"I'd pick you up and just hold you
in a way so that you can't see my face."
”I only said that because you sort
of represent the two of us when I'm not around.”
”Are you sure you want to leave it
up to ME to represent you? xDD”
”Anything past twelve?”
”And I don't know if I can stay past 12.
If you want me to try for it, I will.”
”I do but I also don't want you
in trouble again. So just scratch that.”
"Please don't be sad over me. Please."
” I like the idea of torturing
you for making me all shy in my own house.”
"I don't want to argue anymore. I don't.
I just want you happy and you can't be happy
when we argue."
"I was thinking of you the whole time."
"I don't want to waste another minute
of this night without you."
"All right, I'll stay on and be with
you, okay? Just don't push yourself."
"I don't like that. You're not a robot."
"I love you more."
than I love you."
Back to basics. Back to where we belong.
Fin.
