Gaia Online

[1o/31/o7]
My treat on Halloween
[12/29/o7]
She made my New Year

9,5oo/42,ooo Help?

The Awesome People//Family Members

Delightful Night-Fall - Sister
[-Popped-Cherry-] - Sister
Aramil Jadefire - Brother
[TOX] - Brother
M a n g l e d Disco - Sister
Tarrie - Sister
Chris - Brother
Carin - Sister
LilithO-Darkness - Sister


I'm not the hottest or coolest. I'm not the nicest or meanest. I'm not a gangster. I am not a pimp or a "playa". I don't need to smoke or drink. I'm not the funniest or the cutest. I'm not the most athletic or smartest. I don't need drugs. I'm not the strongest or tallest. I'm not the quickest or toughest. I will say alot of gay bullshit, and half the time I don't really mean it. I'm skinnier than you think I am. I'm not what you think I am. I don't even know what I am, or who I am. I am bipolar. I am cocky and ignorant. I contradict myself. I will act self absorbed and be full of low self esteem and no matter how much you try to give me confidence it won't help. I'm sorry I suck at life.



It's funny, how you can know someone for so long, build so much together, and after all these years just throw everything away. Especially, when you give in 110% devotion to this person, but they never really noticed it. I think its senseless that after all these years of knowing each other, we suddenly act like we never existed. She would make me smile everytime I would get a chance to talk to her, and I had to go through tons of obstacles in my way just to get a single chance to see her or talk to her. She brightened my day up and took away all my problems. She added color to my world. She motivated me, and inspired me to become a better person in life. It's as if I'm chasing a dream. We built something out of nothing, started from scratch and ended up with something, and now all of a sudden it's all thrown away. Everything I worked for, all my effort, was for nothing. Sometimes I can't explain the way I feel. I just hope wherever she is, whether shes reading this or not, that shes happy.

Love can be a complex word. Many things can come to the state of mind when people hear this broad word. Unfortunatlely, for me, in my world this is a word that exists in only mere fairytales. I am no longer a believer in love. I've given up. I should have known from the beginning that investing in this big word would have no positive feedback. It was nothing but wasted effort, especially when you compromise so much, and in return you get nothing. When you put so much devotion into someone, when at the same time things in life aren't going so great for you. It was nothing but a mistake from the beginning. I should have known. Sometimes I look back, and say, "Maybe I could have done this and that. Maybe I could have said this and that." But I guess it's too late now. I just felt like I had so many potential opportunities, and I ruined it all. I wished I could just start my life over, and use my experience from these mistakes so I won't take the wrong twists and turns again. But not to worry, I've moved on for quite a while now, and i just wanted to get a little something off of my mind.

I give up on this stuff. It doesn't work for me anymore. It's not worth it, and I've lost interest.