Here I go writing again, not because I want to, but because of them, they hurt me again, so I hid it away, so they won't know, I'm in great pain. On the outside, they think I'm happy, but they don't know what I hide behind these smiles I make, they don't know, they were always fake. They look at me, like I'm nothing at all, I just wished they knew what it feels like, to feel all alone, I wish they knew what it feels like, to always be wrong. I act so brave, to try and shoo them away, but it never worked, they always came. I try to hide the little girl that's crying, so they won't take advantage of me, but she somehow comes out, she makes me remember, this is who I am, but I sometimes wished, I was someone else. If you saw me, you'd immediately think, I'm the easiest, and you'll walk over me. Everytime I make a friend, they turn out fake and hurt me again. I have only one friend who will be there for me till the end. She makes me laugh, she makes me sing, she makes me forget the things they say to me. She's the only one to make me smile, and a true one at that, she makes me happy, when I'm sad. I tell her everything, good and bad, she helped me out and never ran. She understands how I feel, because she felt like that too, but what if she moves, or what if she dies? I'll probably committ suicide. She's the reason I stay alive, without her, I would surely die. This is a poem, written by me, and an oath to everyone just like me.
They say I've changed, I say they don't understand. My hands go to my head, I try to block the sounds from their voices, I don't want to hear them, I don't want to face them, I don't want them to see me, I don't want them to hear me. They say I'm difficult, I say they just don't know who I am. They think they can control me, but I am not a marionette, no longer do they hold the strings on my life, I will cut those strings they hold, and I will longer be their little marionette. They say I have no respect, I say they don't earn it, then they hate me even more than I thought possible. They say they love me, but I say they're lying, if they loved me, they wouldn't hurt me, like they just did. They say they are my parents, I should always do what they say, no matter what they say, I would always pray that I don't cry myself asleep again, for what they say, and for what they do, they never knew me, so how can you? They say I'm overreacting, I don't say anymore, I just walk away, so I don't end up hurt even more. Then they say, I always walked away, I just cover my ears and walk back to my room, and lean against the door, crying softly, so they won't know. They say they're always doing things for me, I still stay silent, I don't want to fight. They say I don't want to hear the truth, but they're wrong, they don't know that I hate myself for being such a disgrace to them. They say I'm selfish, I look at the ground, they try to make me look at them, but I keep my eyes down. I always felt like I was different, like I was a mistake, and now, they make me think it even more. They say they've had it, I just can't believe it, they're giving up on me. My parents, the ones I knew from birth, they're giving up on me, don't they know that I'm hurt? They say they're tired of how I act, but they don't know, that I'm a lost soul. They say they could understand, but they can't, they won't listen, they just judge, and they say I'm a liar, conceited, a disgrace, nothing more. They say no more, they don't know no more, they can't find the words. I'm happy, I won't have to be hurt by their words anymore, but I'll always know how much a burden I was to them, I'll always know, they want their little marionette back.
My life goes on, like it never began, why can't you see me, for who I am? My life is trembling, as I cry at night, my parents and I, had yet another fight. My life is begging, why must it be me? My life is racing, as I fall to the ground, I try to get up, but they keep kicking me down. My life is falling, down from the sky, all I can do, is wonder why. My life is trying to find it's place, but everytime it does, it gets replaced. My life is screaming without a sound, it always does, when I try to stand my ground. My life has been losing this entire race, one more round, is all it takes. My life is fading, inside the black, no one will know, I finally cracked.
My tears start falling down from my face, I just hate, being such a disgrace. My tears speak for me, when I can't speak at all, they tell a hidden story, that is so long. My tears are rare, because I must not cry, because all they do, is show how weak I am inside. My tears keep dripping onto the floor, I don't think I can take much more. My tears will fall one last time, because this will be, my last goodbye.
Little by little, I fall apart, I wonder what's left of this broken heart. I hate this horrible feeling inside my chest, this feeling has made me, into a mess. Little by little, I'm losing my mind, I'm losing myself, in this horrible lie. All that I've done, was a waste of time, I hate it so much, I want to die. When I look at myself in the mirror, I will always remember this painful year. When they call me, I walk away, I walk away from the hidden pain. When they talk about me, I try not to cry, because all they say is such a lie. They say I'm ugly, they say I'm weak, they say I'm nothing, how can that be? I try my hardest, I try my best, but all I get is 'you're nothing' instead. How do I deserve this, what have I done? What made you think I was nothing at all? Whenever I try to belong, they hurt me even more. They use me, for their selfish desires, have they no regret, have they no shame? They're playing me just like a game. Everytime I see them, I turn my head, I don't want to be used again. When I try to defend myself, I'm all along, there isn't anyone there. They think it's fun to make me cry, but they don't know, little by little, it kills me inside.
No matter how hard I try, it's never enough, I'm never enough to make you smile, to make you proud, to make you see, I could have been everything you would ever need. I stand here today, wishing for the best, but all I get is 'you're a pest.' Maybe I am, I'm never enough to understand why you'll never love me. I'm never enough to protect my friends, never enough to protect myself. I'm glad you never loved me, it would save me from even more years of misery. When I see your face, all I think of is why? Why am I never enough for you to notice me, why am I never enough for you to hear me, why am I never enough for you to care? You never cared for me, you never will, I'm never enough to live and see, what could have happened, never enough to be the best, never enough to see everyone's lives better my own. I guess I'm jealous, because I'm never enough.
My sweet lullaby, I see the stars passing by, and I see my tears falling through the glass, I walk to my bed and I dream of the past. My sweet lullaby, in my dreams, I always see you, and I see me. You push me onto the ground and you beat me. My sweet lullaby, I see myself try to run, but it doesn't work, it never does. My sweet lullaby, fear in my eyes, which was always so true, hatred in yours, always so cruel. My sweet lullaby, I see my blood on your hands, you smirk as you see me cry. My sweet lullaby, I wake up, I see your eyes, I have no surprise, you always came and had your way, there was nothing I could ever say. My sweet lullaby, I'm lost in my tears, lost in my fears, I guess you had a bit too many beers. My sweet lullaby, goodbye to you, and goodbye to everyone I ever knew.
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hi
my friend told me to tell all of my friends this. If someone by the name of j_neutron07 wants to add you to their list don't accept it. Its a virus. Tell everyone on your list because if somebody on your list adds them you will get it too. It is a hard drive killer and a very horrible virus. Please pass on to everyone on your list. We need to find out who is using this accounts. Sorry for the inconvenience. Copy and paste this message to everyone on your list!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!! P.S. his other name is umakemefeelgood
Miyaka chan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love ur profile, it is so awesome! Ur avi- so cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How u doing? anything new and xciting???????????????
EVERYONE, ATTENTION!!! THIS IS XxMiyakaxX!!! MY ACCOUNT HAS BEEN HACKED!!! TT.TT THIS IS MY NEW ACCOUNT, AND I AM WORKING ON GETTING THIS ACCOUNT BACK, BUT UNFORTUNATELY, TO NO AVAIL. I WILL KEEP TRYING, BUT FOR NOW, THIS IS MY NEW ACCOUNT! XxMiyaka-ChanxX SO PLEASE ADD THIS ACCOUNT UNTIL I HAVE THIS ACCOUNT BACK PLEASE!
Ur Outfit looks so cute now! It's perfect for taking over the world LOL heart
Quite well, thank you. Hope you're doing well too!
Got one! Thanks for the luck-wishing! lolz And I also met my nanowrimo goal! *throws confetti*
Okay. I guess I'll try to buy one off the mp, too. I couldn't afford an egg anyway, lolz ^^; Thanks anyway. <3
Sure! ^^ I was actually going to ask you what level egg the Dumplin McGibblet came from, but my compy spazzed out when I was commenting you. Send me a request and I'll accept it! <3
Yea