About
...9 things I can't Stand!!
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2 People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". what the hell! am i supposed to eat someone elses cake instead?
4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn celing what did you come here for?
6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya buddy?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8 When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What the hell is longer then life?
9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came i wouldn't be standing here, now would i?
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In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity,
here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
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On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
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On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)
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On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion.)
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On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
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On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
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On packaging for a
Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)
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On Boot's Children Cough Medicine --
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get
those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
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On Nytol
Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(...I'm taking this because???....)
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On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)
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On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other
use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
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On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
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On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)
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On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this
one.)
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On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
"]~~~~~~~~~~~~~~16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1.Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares".... and see what happens.
5. Go up to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"
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I forgot to ask how our b-day went for you! Lol. I got a nice watch and some movies. Hope you had fun!
: D