||A slightly delayed celebration of 10 years...
I've had an account here on Gaia for over ten years now.
For over ten years, I've been writing in this journal. Not as often as I'd like. But often enough that I can go back through the entries and see things in my life, changing through the years. All the main events, some of the little events, and a lot of ups and downs.
And I find myself wondering, just how much do I, as a person, relate to the person I was ten years ago?
2005: I lived with my parents, at the house I grew up in, in Elm Street, Upper Hutt.
2015: I still live in Upper Hutt, but I live in a two-bedroom flat that me and my husband rent.
2005: I was going out with Jason, until we broke up just after Christmas that year.
2015: Now married to Taina, who I have been with for the last five years.
2005: I started off the year doing nothing, looking for a job. Then I worked part-time at Pak'n'Save for about 4 months, and part-time at Heretaunga College in the office for a few weeks. Then I worked part-time at Guardian Trust for a few months.
2015: Working full-time at Specsavers, tracking my hours so I can get registered as a Dispensing Optician once I complete 800 hours of dispensing.
2005: I had my school qualifications: School Certificate, Sixth Form Certificate and Bursary. I had completed one year of University but had dropped out because I didn't know what I wanted to do with it.
2015: One top of my school qualifications, I now have a Certificate in Musical Theatre, a Certificate in Optical Dispensing and a Bachelor of Arts in Theatre.
2005: Had my learners license. Started getting driving lessons towards the end of the year.
2015: Have had my full license for nearly 8 years now and drive every day.
2005: Was listening to Green Day a lot. Was a big fan of Good Charlotte and had posters of them all over my walls. Also was listening to a lot of The Living End at the time. Got into hunting down old '90s music, downloading songs and buying cheap CDs of groups like Aqua and B*Witched.
2015: Particularly enjoying listening to Imagine Dragons, American Authors, CHVRCHES and The Bleachers a lot. Still listen to the older stuff from time to time, and regularly look up songs I don't have on my iPod so I can keep expanding my collection.
2005: Never missed an episode of Coronation Street. Sat down to watch it with Mum twice a week and we'd read through the TV Guide and discuss upcoming exciting storylines.
2015: Haven't watched Coronation Street at all since Mum died in June. Abruptly, I just stopped watching. It was the first time I had missed an episode since I was seven years old.
2005: Lost quite a bit of weight after buying a metal DDR mat and playing DDR every single day for about a year.
2015: Still have the DDR mat but never play because one of the arrow sensors doesn't work. I go to the gym 5-6 days a week though, and hope to eventually get back to the weight I was at the end of 2005.
2005: My two best friends were Michelle and Danielle. Danielle in particular I felt I had a very strong connection with, to the point where at one stage I even questioned whether I had stronger feelings than friendship for her. It took a long time to realise that it was mostly just that it was a stronger friendship connection than I had ever experienced before, combined with the emotional difficulties I was experiencing with the upheavals of me and Jason's relationship that were making me confused.
2015: I no longer ever see or talk to Michelle or Danielle. Of the group of friends that we formed back in school, those two, plus Glenn are the only ones I have completely lost contact with. I don't really have best friends anymore, except perhaps my husband Taina. But I have several close friends like Jess. And I have some lovely work friends too, like Mark and Ellen.
2005: Favourite TV shows to watch included South Park, Blackadder, Ranma 1/2 and Please Teacher.
2015: Favourite TV shows to watch include Doctor Who, Friends, Sabrina the Teenage Witch and Russell Howard's Good News.
2005: The main things I wanted to achieve with my life back then were to somehow find a way to be a professional singer, preferably a rich and famous one, maybe also an actress, and to one day be able to move out of my parents' house.
2015: Now I would love to work towards me and Taina being more financially stable, by getting Taina into a better long-term career position, so that we can one day start a family and have a couple of kids, before we get too old. (I'm turning 30 this year!)
And finally, I thought I'd share a thought, a quote from every year that I've been writing in this journal.
2004: "I feel like Tidus in Final Fantasy X. When he's in Kilika, and says he wants to scream really loud."
2005: "Maybe I am good at other things other than music, and performing and stuff, but this is what I love, it's what I've dreamed of doing my whole life, the mere thought of doing anything else depresses the s**t out of me."
2006: "When I performed for him, he said to the class, "What did we hate about that performance?" Everyone just shrugged, and he told me that my voice was good, it had an attractive quality to it, and my technique and diction was good. "What we hated about that performance was your face."
Well I don't know what I'd been expecting him to say, but that wasn't it."
2007: "I turned around, and the desk for the library books had turned into another DDR machine. Then I spun around, and the whole corridor was suddenly filled with heaps of DDR machines. I gasped and saw this lady, this administrator lady from Singing School, who gave me a weird look. Then suddenly I heard, "You like, totally, have a message" and I woke up and went to see who'd sent me a text message."
2008: "See, Lisa got a green card, and it was a Cameo, ie charades. The hint was activity. So she goes two words, first word, and starts dancing. So I'm like, dancing, songs, music, and she's all like nodding when I said music. So that's all good.
Then she goes second word, and starts miming sitting down, so I'm all like, sitting, seat, chair, and she nods at chair, and so I'm like, "Cool, er...music...chair. Music chair, music chair, what the heck's music chair?"
At this point she seems to be wondering why I still haven't got it, and I'm still just like, "Music chair, dancing seat, wtf? What activity is that?"
So finally she starts actually dancing around a chair and then sitting down, and then standing up and dancing around the chair again, and then sitting down again and so on.
And I'm still just like, "Dancing seat! Music chair! Singing stool!"
...And then the time runs out. And Lisa's like, "It was musical chairs."
....FRICKIN A. How did I NOT get that?! "
2009: "Life's a little crazy right now, and I can't really explain here. But what I will say, is despite the insanity of it all, I still love it."
2010: "Okay, so as those who read this journal know, now the s**t has well and truly hit the fan."
2011: "Sometimes it’s like I’ve forgotten how to relax and have fun. Even when things aren’t too busy or I don’t have too much to worry about, I still worry anyway. I need Taina’s relaxed influence, to remind me how to have fun again. But at the same time, he needs me to stress out at him and push him to do things so he doesn’t keep putting them off."
2012: "But believe it or not, my life hasn't solely revolved around work recently. My car broke down the other week. That was fun."
2013: "I could hear the house creaking again, and I could feel the floor and the couch I was sitting on shaking. But I knew this was a strong earthquake when I could actually see everything shake. The room moved from side to side in my vision, like I was watching a TV while it was being pulled back and forth. "
2014: "Me and Taina came back to Mum's room. There she was. No breathing, nothing happening at all. Just still. Yep, she was gone."
2015: "So, I did it. I did the whole getting married thing."
· Wed Mar 11, 2015 @ 09:53am · 0 Comments