Im so bored. What do people do when they're sober? I dont remember. This day feels like its been a week. Just sitting and waiting for some money to magically appear in my hands, so I can go blow it on some marijuana.
Its weird, going everyday smoking weed and cigarettes, then quiting cold turkey. I have no appetite, feeling some anxiety, cant sleep properly, and all I can think about is the next time im going to get high.
But I really need this. My anorexic wallet agrees. I havent had a job in a month. So Im making barely anything. If I can go 3 days without weed, then I will have a little more confidence in myself for quitting in the future. Not that I really want to quit, but Its formed into a habit. Im so used to doing it, i feel sick when I dont. I dont want to have to depend on it.
Ugh...Fall. I hate fall sometimes. When the sky is grey, and the wind is cold, and the trees are stripping..it just makes me feel dead. Especially when you have no friends. Its just extreme lonliness. Its okay to not have friends in the summer. You can still go out, bask in the sun, and feel good about yourself. But in the fall, the weather is colder, therefore, so is my soul.
Anyways, I hope I feel better tomorrow. But from other experiences of quiting cold turkey like this, I probably wont. The first week is usually almost painful everyday. But i find that the more I think its going to a bad week, the more chance of it turning out bad. So I really just need to tell myself Im okay. And I'll be fine. I just need to find a job, and distract myself with other things like tattooing (yes, Ive recently started to learn how to tattoo. My future could come together one day?). Everything is going to be okay Shaylin.