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Life
My writings are mainly about how I am feeling and maybe sometimes I will rant about something. Feel free to comment and tell me what you think!
I can't open up.

2/19/14 4:16am

I've been told that loving was hard, and hate was easy.
But I have found it impossibly difficult to hate you,
yet I cannot open and
let someone else love me,
let alone love them back.


How did I allow you
to make me so weak?..





I applaud you.

2/19/14 4:06am

I told you once, that I stopped crying because it made me feel weak. I told you that in the past few years, I have learned not to get attached and develop emotions, and I have taught myself to not cry for people who do not deserve it (which is anyone who makes you cry because no one should do that). I told you that I couldn’t even cry sometimes even if I wanted to because I couldn’t bring myself to. But look at me now. I have developed the feelings I promised myself I wouldn’t have and I haven’t felt so out of place in so long, till now. I don’t remember the last time I cried in the shower. I don’t remember the last time I sobbed, unless it was during a movie or a novel. I cannot recall the last time I really let the tears free fall, but you did it. You did it, alright.

I applaud you for getting to me...





I want to stop thinking.


2/19/14 4:02am

You ever feel like you want to rip your heart out of your chest just so it can stop feeling? Like just for one second, you will stop having emotions. But psychological studies show that it’s not the heart that feels, but the mind so maybe I should rip my brain out of my head too, for I am going insane with all these scattered and jumbled up thoughts that are hiding in there. And apparently, they’re not leaving anytime soon. I want to stop thinking. I want to have no thoughts, so I won’t have to overthink, and overanalyze, and so I won’t have to burn myself out. I won’t have a mind to tell me how to feel, how to hurt, and how to cry. If I don’t have a mind, my heart won’t feel. It would just do its job and pump blood. I won’t have to think about the roughness of your hands or the sensations that your fingers leave on my skin. I won’t feel like my heart is actually aching or longing for someone who isn’t even mine to begin with. I won’t think of you, and I won’t feel the pain of you not thinking about me, because I am here, losing my mind and breaking my own heart while trying to figure out something that won’t unravel itself.





Kuuda
Community Member
Kuuda
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