So, I've been watching Fine Brothers videos and I watched Teens React to Amanda Todd for the first time. This video really got to me as did the original video Amanda posted.
I've been struggling with depression for a while now and am even currently on medication. Earlier this year I was hospitalized for a week in a mental ward because I finally told my mom that I wanted to kill myself and that I even had a plan. I can't even begin to tell you how hard it was to do that. My reasons for feeling this way were that I felt that I had no purpose in this world, that nothing I would ever do would make any kind of difference. Thankfully I got help and was around people who were feeling a lot like me, so I didn't feel quite so alone anymore.
For a while afterwards though, I was still having a hard time.
That changed on April 11th 2014 when one of my classmates killed himself. His name was Kyle Wittrock. You can look him up, it is true. When we found out what had happened, I didn't know what to think. All I could think about was "Why would he do this?"
I felt terrible that I hadn't been able to help Kyle despite me knowing what it feels like to want to kill myself. However, I realized just how stupid I had been and selfish in wanting to kill myself. I saw how all my classmates were feeling, and how I felt. I hugged so many people that day and so many of my class were crying, most of the senior class left school that day. The school itself was dead quiet.
I want to say to anyone who feels like suicide is the only way out that it really isn't. Life goes on and no matter what anyone tells you, you can get past it. Getting past the depression makes you so much stronger. If anyone is feeling this way I beg you to tell someone, if not someone at home or at school, then talk to me. I will always be here to help you if you need help. I am always willing to talk to you if you feel like no one understands what you're feeling. I know very well what it feels like to have no hope for yourself or the future.
This world holds too many possibilities for you to throw it away. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Just keep looking forward. I love you all and wish you long and happy lives.
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